Tag Archives: Blogging

Week One: What is the Story You Want to Tell?

This is a 30-week series with topics and questions from Heal My Voice: An Evolutionary Woman’s Journey by Andrea Hylen. Available on Amazon

Version 2

Question 1 of 30: What is the story you want to tell?

“When I started working on women’s history thirty years ago, the field did not exist. It was not recognized. People didn’t think women had a history worth knowing.” ~Gerda Lerner, On Thinking Allowed with Jeffrey Mishlove, August 2010

When I read about Gerda Lerner recently in Carol Lee Flinders book called, “At the Root of This Longing,” I started to realize something deeper about what we are doing and being in Heal My Voice programs and in The Writing Incubator. Women are writing their stories and recording Women’s History. This is why it is so important for women to flood the market with their stories. Not just our theories or steps to success but the raw emotion of awakening. Writing our history.

It’s time to tell our stories. You are a history worth knowing.

Let that idea wash over you today. Your voice, your stories, your writing, your programs, your books are a record of Women’s History. Your voice is so important!

We all have many stories in our lives. So, which one is bubbling in you right now? Which story would serve you to write?

While writing my first story for publication, in 2008, for Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life, I thought I was going to write a story about the birth and death of my son, Cooper. That was the story I had spent time feeling and processing and I wanted to share my experience with other women. But there was another story that was bubbling inside of me.  It was a story that began when I heard a song playing in my head. “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor…” I recognized the song as something Mister Rogers sang on his PBS Children’s Show.  “Okay,” I said to myself.  “Why does this song keep playing in my head? Why am I waking up hearing it when my kids are all grown up now? I haven’t watched Mister Rogers in years!”  I started to remember a really low point in my life when they were both under the age of 2. I felt unloved and unseen by my husband. Nothing I did, nothing I said, was “right.” I felt criticized and then ignored. As I started to write about things I was feeling during that time, I discovered a moment in that story:

Friday morning was the day I was at home with my daughters, catching up on the laundry, cooking meals for the next week an getting the house organized before the weekend. We would watch Sesame Street and Mister Rogers. There was always a moment when Mister Rogers would say, “I love you just the way you are.”

And just like that, when I remembered the feeling, I knew that that was the story I needed to write. It was a story about a low point when I felt hopeless. Mister Roger’s words gave me hope to find a way back to myself.  Writing about that low point helped me connect the dots of when my healing and transformation began.  It helped me to see my strength and personal power.

An exercise:

Think back to a time in your life. Let’s pick high school, as an example. Notice if there is a memory of pain or pleasure. Now, think about your first boyfriend or girlfriend. What is a memory? The first thing you may experience is a feeling. It might be a tightness in your chest or bubbling joy in your belly. There may be a variety of emotions, even if there isn’t a specific moment you remember. Begin there.

To inspire and ignite your writing, begin to ask the question, “What story do I want to tell?” Start asking it out loud to yourself. Maybe you ask it before you go to sleep at night. Or you ask it first thing in the morning. Don’t grab for the story. Just wait and allow it to come to you, like the Mister Rogers song came to me. It could be a feeling. It could be an emotion. And when you feel the memory rise, write it down! Acknowledge the moment, even if you don’t want to write a whole story right now. Write it down and wait for more inspiration to follow.

 

cropped-Screen-Shot-2013-11-29-at-12.20.41-PM.pngAs I re-read the quote by Gerda Lerner, it seems hard to believe that there wasn’t a program to study women’s history, right? Or does it? Gerda Lerner introduced the first official women’s history program in 1972 at Sarah Lawrence. 1972!! I was just entering high school. No wonder I was confused about who I was as a woman. There were very few examples of women in our curriculum or our conversations.

That was then, this is now.

When I published my book this summer, I gave a copy to each of my daughters. The book has fourteen of my personal stories of challenges with triumph. It is a path of how to awaken and evolve, as a woman. I told them that I didn’t expect them to read it now. But some day, they would want to read my words and share them with others. It is the history of their mother. It is the history of a woman: Heal My Voice: An Evolutionary Woman’s Journey.

Write your stories. Share them with others. Your life is part of the History of Women.

A few reflective questions:

*Have you ever doubted that it was important for you to write a book or to share your stories in blogs, programs and social media posts?

*What does the critical voice inside your head tell you about why you shouldn’t share your stories?

*Write about why it’s important for you to share your stories. Tune in to your inner wisdom and see what surfaces.

What is the story you want to tell now?

 

If you want to explore writing as a process or you are working on a book or developing a program, the next Writing Incubator begins on April 1 with early bird pricing. Check it out! You don’t have to write your stories alone.

The Writing Incubator

Andrea Santa Barbara Starbucks Aug 2016

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership and the Writing Incubator, an on-line writing community with writing prompts and writing labs, for women. She is author of Heal My Voice: An Evolutionary Woman’s Journey.

Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. She follows her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and coaching others to do the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about coaching, current projects and on-line writing circles go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

 

 

Dedication HMV-EWJ

A Tipping Point: Women Becoming More Visible

Day 51 of 100 days of Blogging

 

cropped-816.jpgWomen becoming more visible in the world.

I first heard, really heard those words at an Evolutionary Women Retreat in Santa Barbara, California in December 2005. My husband had died five months earlier. I was cracked open and I was grieving. I flew across the country because I had a strong desire to become an Evolutionary Woman. I wanted to know how to do it.

My first question: How do I become an Evolutionary Woman?

At the retreat, I discovered that I was an Evolutionary Woman. I had always been an Evolutionary Woman and now it was time to come out of the closet and share that part of myself with others.

Three years later, I mentored 44 women to write a story in Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life, a project that came out of another Evolutionary Women Retreat. Another part of me was waking up. The lifetime experiences and commitment to journal writing had been laying a foundation for this next part of my life; A writer who also supported the voices of women.

In 2011, two years after Conscious Choices was released, I heard the words Heal My Voice which began a deep journey of forming the non-profit organization, Heal My Voice, and using my lifetime experiences to create a space for women around the world to write a personal, vulnerable story to heal, reclaim personal power and their inner authority, step into greater leadership in their families, communities and the world.

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After the Ninth Heal My Voice Book was published in June 2015 and after four years of 24/7 focused attention on women’s stories, devotion to coaching, editing and supporting their voices, I took a pause. This first wave felt complete. It felt like we had reached a completion and it was a moment of being at the top of the mountain and ready for the tipping point. Over 200 stories. Women sharing a personal journey of their own healing and sharing hope with others.

Women becoming more visible in the world.

I took the pause because I was exhausted and I wasn’t sure about the next step. I asked myself, “What will be the step that tips the scales for women?” For 12 weeks, I spent time feeling, writing, listening and reading. I sat in the discomfort of not knowing and I observed resources, tools and conversations that crossed my path. One of the books I read again was The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Difference by Malcolm Gladwell.

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Tipping Point: the point at which a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant enough to cause a larger, more important change.

In the ten years since my husband died, women ARE more visible. The work we have been doing behind the scenes is shared on social media, in blogs and in workshops. Writing our stories one word at a time, one conversation at a time we have become more visible to each other.

Parenting my children, something I devoted thirty years to is now complete. My three daughters are adults in the world. Mary as a co-founder of Dramatic Adventure Theatre traveling with students to Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Ecuador, Slovakia for cross cultural exchange, acting and writing plays. Elizabeth teaching English in the Baltimore City School System with special needs high school students. Hannah, a President Ambassador at Santa Monica College and now attending UCLA with a desire to work in the field of Communications. All three girls grown into powerful women with their own voices.

I turn my attention back to myself, to Heal My Voice and to women. Why women? Because I want women to have a place at the table and to walk side by side with men. Interconnectedness and individuation.

In writing 100 blogposts in 100 days I am exploring questions and ideas.

Two areas of questions I have been pondering.

1. What conversation(s) are women and men most interested in exploring right now? Which of my life experiences can support the Good in the world?

2. How can we expand the visibility of the stories by the Heal My Voice authors? How can we spread the words of a woman’s journey in a way that reaches more women and men and impacts the tipping point for healing, hope and leadership on the planet? How can we inspire others to write their stories and uplift the world?

 

I would love to hear your comments. What conversations do you want to have? What support do you need? What do you feel is the tipping point needed to uplift the planet?

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is a Mentorship Coach supporting the voices of women and men.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

 

 

 

Writing: A few tips as you begin

Day 37 of 100 days of Blogging

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Every story begins with a blank piece of paper. To begin, write anything that comes to you. It doesn’t have to make sense. Just write from your heart for your own exploration.

Begin by writing your story for YOU. When I write, I DO think about someone reading it. But, the person has the quality of a “stranger”, a woman who needs to hear the story. I write it to her. “She” knows my pain and “she” embraces every word of my journey. She embraces the vulnerability and the power.

If you are writing the story for your personal friend, child, parent or “friend who is an award winning, published author” …STOP THAT!! Writing for approval will put a tight filter and will slow down the authentic flow. The words you are writing now are part of a self-discovery process for YOU! (You may have a friend who really validates you. Check within to see if that supports the discovery of you.)

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Be gentle with yourself. In the process, there will be old limiting patterns that will be released so that your essence, the core of who you are can shine brightly. Releasing will take on many forms. Sometimes things will just fall away quickly and gently, sometimes they will be like labor pains that may include physical and emotional releasing.

 

 

 

 

If you are interested in writing in community with connection and support the next 30 day writing program begins on January 1, 2016.

Writing To Heal ~ Setting Intentions for 2016

A Heal My Voice 30-Day Writing Program (With Teleseminar Support)

One group for women. One group for men. On-line program with teleseminars. JOIN US!

http://healmyvoice.org/30-day-writing-program/

 

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 315353_10201052497332086_1044127686_nAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband.
In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

I Believe in YOU!

Day 32 of 100 days of blogging

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Tomorrow begins a 21 day meditation series with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. Become What You Believe. If you listen to the daily meditations within a few days of posting each day, the meditations are free. Or you can purchase them and listen to them whenever you want to.

https://chopracentermeditation.com/

I am fascinated about the timing of this topic because Believe is my word for November. I have been seeing it everywhere. Bumper stickers, Books, Songs, Store windows and in random conversations. Okay, Universe, I get it! I am listening and I claimed it as my focus for November.

BELIEVE!

We are all motivated by different things. Positive or negative strokes that give us hope and wake us up. I need the upstrokes and some hurdles to stretch myself and take action. To stretch into the next thing that is calling me to expand who I am.

Believe Definition: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.

Yes! That’s it.

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Here is a running stream of quotes and songs for inspiration as we enter this month of November together:

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Claus. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don’t, who will? ~Jon Bon Jovi

Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing. Believe in yourself. And believe that there is a loving Source – a Sower of Dreams – just waiting to be asked to help you make your dreams come true. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it. ~Diane Sawyer
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Believe in infinite possibilities.
I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Now for some music.
Enjoy!

 

 

 

I’m a Believer:  Monkees

 

Music: When You Believe Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

 

Share your own BELIEVE Inspirations in the Comments!

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

 

12 Peace Prayers: #12 The Christian Prayer for Peace

Day 25 of 100 days of BloggingAs the Authors of Heal My Voice were writing their stories for the next book: Harmonic Voices: True Stories by Women on the Path to Peace, I was inspired to post 12 Peace Prayers and a little bit of the history from an event in 1986 in Assisi, Italy.

Christian12. THE CHRISTIAN PRAYER FOR PEACE
“Blessed are the PEACEMAKERS, for they shall be known as the Children of God. But I say to you that hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To those who strike you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from those who take away your cloak, do not withhold your coat as well. Give to everyone who begs from you, and of those who take away your goods, do not ask them again. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”

From the website: The Peace Abbey traces its roots to the Day of Prayer for World Peace which took place in Assisi, Italy during the UN International Year of Peace, 1986. For the first time in history, the leaders of the twelve major religions gathered to pray for Peace of Earth.The event took place on sacred ground at the Basilica of Saint Francis, and was the occasion for the handing down of the prayers for peace. The Sacred Office of Peace, which these prayers comprise, is the text around which we established and maintain our fellowship as well as pursue our global peacemaking.The Peace Abbey at Strawberry Fields
Two North Main Street, Sherborn, Massachusetts 01770

315353_10201052497332086_1044127686_nAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

12 Peace Prayers: #10 The Zorastrian Prayer for Peace

Day 23 of 100 days of bloggingAs the Authors of Heal My Voice were writing their stories for the book: Harmonic Voices: True Stories by Women on the Path to Peace, I was inspired to post 12 Peace Prayers and a little bit of the history from an event in 1986 in Assisi, Italy.
Zoroastrian10. THE ZOROASTRIAN PRAYER FOR PEACE
We pray to God to eradicate all the misery in the world: that understanding triumph over ignorance, that generosity triumph over indifference, that trust triumph over contempt, and that truth triumph over falsehood.
From the website: The Peace Abbey traces its roots to the Day of Prayer for World Peace which took place in Assisi, Italy during the UN International Year of Peace, 1986. For the first time in history, the leaders of the twelve major religions gathered to pray for Peace of Earth.The event took place on sacred ground at the Basilica of Saint Francis, and was the occasion for the handing down of the prayers for peace. The Sacred Office of Peace, which these prayers comprise, is the text around which we established and maintain our fellowship as well as pursue our global peacemaking.
The Peace Abbey at Strawberry Fields
Two North Main Street, Sherborn, Massachusetts 01770

315353_10201052497332086_1044127686_nAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

12 Peace Prayers: #9 The Native American Prayer for Peace

Day 22 of 100 days of BloggingAs the Authors of Heal My Voice were writing their stories for the next book: Harmonic Voices: True Stories by Women on the Path to Peace, I was inspired to post 12 Peace Prayers and a little bit of the history from an event in 1986 in Assisi, Italy.

Native American9. THE NATIVE AMERICAN PRAYER FOR PEACE
O Great Spirit of our Ancestors, I raise my pipe to you. To your messengers the four winds, and to Mother Earth who provides for your children. Give us the wisdom to teach our children to love, to respect, and to be kind to each other so that they may grow with peace in mind. Let us learn to share all the good things that you provide for us on this Earth.

From the website: The Peace Abbey traces its roots to the Day of Prayer for World Peace which took place in Assisi, Italy during the UN International Year of Peace, 1986. For the first time in history, the leaders of the twelve major religions gathered to pray for Peace of Earth.The event took place on sacred ground at the Basilica of Saint Francis, and was the occasion for the handing down of the prayers for peace. The Sacred Office of Peace, which these prayers comprise, is the text around which we established and maintain our fellowship as well as pursue our global peacemaking.
The Peace Abbey at Strawberry Fields
Two North Main Street, Sherborn, Massachusetts 01770

315353_10201052497332086_1044127686_nAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

A Desire to Be Visible: Women (and men!)

Day 20 of 100 days of blogging

Screen Shot 2015-10-20 at 11.52.33 PMWhen I watched an episode of Grace and Frankie this summer, I laughed at this scene hysterically until it struck a chord in my heart.

Grace (Jane Fonda) and Frankie (Lily Tomlin) are in a personal crisis and they decide to go to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Frankie: Stand back. I’m about to lose my shit. Can we get some cigarettes over here for cryin’ out loud?

The man moves towards Grace and then ignores her to help a young, beautiful, blond woman.

Grace (to the store clerk, a man):

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Are you in a coma?

You, sir. Hello, hello.

(hysterical) HELLOOOOOOO (pounding on the counter)

What kind of animal treats people like this?

Do you not see me? Do I not exist? Do you think it’s alright to ignore us just because she has gray hair? And I don’t look like HER? (pointing at the young blond)

Frankie takes Grace by the arm and leads her out of the store.

Later in the car:

Grace: Okay. That lacked poise and I’m sorry. But, I refuse to be irrelevant.

 

Printsheets-2At any age, what do we want as women? We want to be seen. We want your attention. We have something to say. We want to be respected and listened to. We want to be valued for our wisdom and courage. We want to be relevant and to know that we matter.

And at a social event, last week. I heard a young man in his 20’s saying the same thing. For the first time. His tender, vulnerable heart exposed. A man who felt that people don’t see him and don’t take the time to really listen. He wants to be relevant, too.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to slow down and listen. Start with yourself. Listen to yourself. Your ideas. Your needs. Your wants. Your desires. Give to yourself.

Then, turn your attention out. To others.

Be the change…

 

Here is the clip:

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315353_10201052497332086_1044127686_nAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

An Old Story: Negative Self-Talk and People Pleasing

Day 19 of 100 days of blogging

 

(Blogpost Originally Published when Andrea was a Guest Blogger on Alpha Chick on January 22, 2013)

 

Andrea Hylen: Her Story of Transformation

http://www.malduanecoach.com/guest-andrea-hylen/

 

We all experience life challenges that looking back we can see were the catalyst for living a deeper, more authentic life. What has been your greatest personal challenge that you’ve overcome that served as your pivot point to transformation?

Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 1.22.42 PMNegative Self-Talk and People Pleasing.

The greatest challenge, the one that took every ounce of strength I had was making the decision to leave my first marriage. And the main reason it was so hard was my dysfunctional pattern of people-pleasing and putting everyone’s needs and desires ahead of my own. In my family, everyone was married for 50+ years. Marriage was honored and valued as a lifetime commitment. ‘Til death do us part. I felt there was an unspoken pact within the family. The words loyalty, fear and shame were attached to the big “D” word. You got married and you dealt with the dysfunction. If you were unhappy, just put yourself at the bottom of the list and deal with it. Even with a family lineage of alcoholism and verbal abuse and unhealthy relationships, divorce was never an option.

So, when I told a family member that my marriage was falling apart and I felt my heart was breaking, I was told, “you made your bed now lie in it.” No discussion. No questions asked. No concern over the words “I am dying inside.” It was expected that marriage was a lifelong sentence. No reason for early parole. You made your bed, now lie in it. I met my husband at Temple University on the day before school. Both of us were transfer students and there was an optional “studying seminar” we both attended to start the semester on a strong foundation. Our lives were woven together in the first few weeks of school when we discovered that we both commuted an hour and a half to school and lived only 10 minutes from each other. Synchronistic connection. One day we found ourselves standing on the train platform together! Totally surprised. I became a member of his family instantly and we were married after four years of school, work and dating.

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 1.39.27 PMHe was a functional alcoholic. Working a full time job with overtime, then coming home, cracking open a beer and drinking all night until he fell into bed. I was aware of the alcoholism in his family and in one conversation before we were married, he told me he would stop drinking. A sign of my people-pleasing. Do not confront anything that might be a conflict. Do not bring up uncomfortable conversations. We moved two hours from our families, bought a house, worked full time jobs and gave birth to two daughters. The birth of our second child, Elizabeth threw me into a tailspin. In the hospital, I remember looking into her eyes and feeling this powerful wake-up call. It was like she was saying, “Okay, Mom. I am here now. Get it together.” Six weeks after her birth, I returned to work and saw a flyer in the elevator, announcing a lunchtime Al-Anon meeting. No more excuses. It was time to tell people that I was living with an alcoholic and to admit how exhausted I was from trying to make our marriage work. I felt like a failure.

The people pleaser in me had converted to Catholicism, walked on eggshells, suffered in silence, tried: cleaning the house, being cheerful, cooking Sunday night dinners, doing all of the child care, grocery shopping and more. My husband was critical and controlling and my own negative, internal self-talk had an ongoing conversation of criticism layered on top of his. Finally, I started to see a therapist and explore the family history of alcoholism and the dysfunctional behavior in my household.

By the time I hit an emotional bottom, I was isolated from family and friends, forgot who I was and what I valued, lost all sense of self, sleep deprived and suffering from a mild depression.

Describe the transformational moment or wake-up call when you realized that life change was necessary? For many, it’s a spiritual awakening, an emotional downfall, or a life-altering experience that shakes us awake.

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 1.35.25 PMThere were two pivotal moments that were wake-up calls. The first was late one night, sitting in the kitchen cross stitching ornaments for Christmas presents. Surviving on only three to four hours of sleep each night, I had a moment of paralysis. My legs and feet were frozen in place. I couldn’t move. I cried out for my husband to help me. With his assistance, I was slowly able to shuffle into the bedroom. Crying myself to sleep that night, I kept repeating inwardly to myself, tomorrow is Al-Anon. I just have to make it to the Al-Anon meeting. Pushing myself to be the perfect mother, wife, employee, including making handmade ornaments had driven me to the beginning of a nervous breakdown. The second was seeing a look in my two year old daughters eyes, the daughter who was calling me to “get it together.” I was arguing with her father when I heard a voice in my head say, “This is not the role model I came to be for my children.” I made the decision that I would leave the marriage for the sake of my daughters.

After experiencing your personal wake-up call what were the most powerful steps you took to change your life?

It took me almost a year and finally I moved out of the house. Emotionally it felt like I was crawling away. To get out, I left my daughters behind. No support from family or friends, my husband and I verbally agreed to joint custody. I knew I needed to take the oxygen mask for myself first. To rent a house, set up the household and then resume my role as a mother. My husband manipulated the legal system and tried to prove that I was crazy. He denied our verbal agreement and told everyone I left the children. The first few years, we were in the court systems fighting for joint custody. I learned how to use my voice to stand up for myself and my children. I took energy classes and learned a variety of healing modalities. Attended Insight Seminars that helped me to connect with a new community of conscious, awakening people. Organized book circles in my living room to heal emotionally with John Bradshaw’s: The Family, Julia Cameron’s: The Artist’s Way and James Redfield’s: The Celestine Prophecy. Over time the commitment I made to my own healing, helped to heal my daughters, too.

 

Please share a Positive Mental Shift tip that woman can implement today to support them on their journey of transformation and empowerment.

 

Screen Shot 2015-10-19 at 1.46.25 PMFIND SUPPORT from healthy individuals and groups.The funny thing about support is that the biggest thing most of us really need is inspiration and someone who believes in us. Someone who can mirror who we really are and remind us that each day we are getting stronger and healthier. I found support in Al-Anon and in groups of people in spiritual classes and workshops. I had amazing mentors at work and slowly but surely, I found my tribe of people. Now, 25 years later, I see Facebook groups and Pages another wonderful support of inspiration.

One more thing: I know that we haven’t met in person. But, I know that if you are reading this, you are ready to wake up. And I BELIEVE in YOU!!  

 

*****

Photo from Andrea Hylen

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Building Community: Learning from the Masculine and Feminine

Day 17 of 100 days of blogging

Screen Shot 2015-10-17 at 10.13.45 AMA few weeks ago, a female friend invited me to a group called The New Masculine Community. When I first saw the words, I wondered why she was inviting me to a men’s group. I am a woman and I work mainly with women in my organization, Heal My Voice.

The description in the group:

This group is for education, discussion and debate. It originally was formed to support a men’s program by Zat Baraka, Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell called the Razor’s Edge that was run in Winter 2015.

Please note:
Masculine does not necessarily mean man.
Feminine does not necessarily mean woman.

This page is for ALL genders and ALL sexual orientations to discuss the topics of masculine and feminine nature in today’s ever-changing world. To help breakdown the bullshit conventions that run us, which haven’t worked in a very long time.

We are a community of people who want to learn more about how we tick and how others. We are here to share ideas and concepts. You might not like everything that you read. However, we hope that it influences you enough to notice your programming.

Having spent the last three years in what appears to be a female-centric practice (Orgasmic Meditation) and being committed to living in community and practicing with men, I decided to hang out in the group and read some of the comments. (I also really admire and appreciate the work of Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell who originally started the group and I know there is a team of women and men monitoring the posts.)

This week, one of the women in the group posted an article about Bradley Cooper (an actor) supporting Jennifer Lawrence (an actress) in her article about the Hollywood Pay Gap. Cooper has been teaming up with female stars to negotiate salaries before film production starts. “I don’t know where it’s changing otherwise but that’s something that I could do,” Cooper said.

http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/10/15/bradley-cooper-is-on-board-with-jennifer-lawrences-takedown-of-the-hollywood-pay-gap/

I feel like that is the point. If we see something in the world that is wrong, we can do our part. Do something. Support someone. Teach a woman or man how to negotiate a salary. Look around and see where you can offer your unique talents and skills. It begins with each of us making that choice individually.

I made a choice in my life 30 years ago to live in community where every person is supported and encouraged to be the fullest expression of who they really are. (By community, I mean finding like minded people who wanted to do the same thing. We all lived in our own family homes all over the city)

Screen Shot 2015-10-17 at 9.54.13 AMWe were all committed to heal the wounds of what we were taught are the roles of feminine and masculine. I made a choice to look at my own actions and behavior first, decide where I needed changes. I left a marriage because in that verbal and sexual abusive environment, I was not being the role model I came to be for my two little girls. I made the choice to leave and start unraveling generations of patterning about submissive women.

When I first read the article, I wrote the first comment and highlighted words Cooper spoke about seeing a problem and doing his part to make it right. He isn’t trying to change the whole world by  himself, just making a change where he had power. I invite you to let go of the amount of money they are making. That is a distraction from the bigger picture. This is an example of “In my world, I can change this.”

After the death of our son and my own life threatening illness my 2nd husband and I decided to homeschool our children to provide an environment where they had more self-expression and freedom to be themselves. We connected with 1000 families in the Baltimore~DC area. Pooled resources, offered our unique talents and skills, daily interaction and field trips. Stroked out the best of each kid. Male or female. Gave them the freedom to find out who they are. Then, it was up to each child to make their own choices. We laid the foundation.

Screen Shot 2015-10-17 at 10.16.20 AMInstead of talking about a bunch of theory about what is the new masculine and what is feminine leadership, how about each of us taking a look at where we can support someone to be the best they can be instead of using humor or criticism to diminish them. Ask yourself, how can I be the best version of a man? How can I be the best version of a woman? How can I integrate masculine and feminine characteristics of creativity, intuition, action, strength into my life? Feel. Think. Open your eyes and look around.

The commitment to your own growth doesn’t end until you die. I imagine that every person reading this blogpost has a desire, a longing for better communication with others and deep down wants to peel away the facade of who you thought you were supposed to be. And underneath, there is another part of you that wants to be seen and felt and heard.

You don’t have to do everything. Do something. Do your part.

We are all in this together.

 

*****

11221663_10206695548965486_4428285337577975775_oAndrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership.  Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

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