Week 2: Receiving from the Men
I had an opportunity to stretch my receiving muscle again yesterday. All of the women in the house were either out of town or at work and I was at home with the men. The thought of being dependent on the men for the day put me in a state of internal discomfort. Feelings of old patterning around men not being capable of showing up for me. No place to lean in to. I’m too much. My requests are too demanding. But, these men have all agreed to support me in the practice of receiving. Three amazing, open-hearted, powerful, kind men.
First there was the issue of breakfast. Someone in the house has been making my breakfast every morning for the last eight days.With Laurel and Rachelle out of town, I wondered who I would ask. As I was sitting at the kitchen island thinking about how I would really like eggs and toast, Andreas called out to me from behind. He was standing by the refrigerator with eggs and bread, asking me if I would like to have him make me breakfast. Yes! My solar plexus did a flip flop. Being seen. He remembered that I needed someone to make breakfast and he took the initiative. He cooked for all of us and it was sexy and fun and connected! There was music in the background and conversation and fun. The food was great! He even buttered my toast.
Second, all of the men have agreed to support me in something every day that is a connection. They take the initiative and we work it into our schedule. Yesterday there was a preparation in the house for a community party. I found a few ways to participate by finding the tablecloth for the folding table and carrying chairs in from the garage. No housework allowed so I was just hanging out.
Jason was busy cooking and it looked like he was too busy to take time to connect with me. He said, “Are you ready?” I responded with a you don’t have time for this.
His response, “I am going to make time for you.” Boom! Right to my heart. Stop everything to keep a commitment to ME! We walked away and he helped me for 20 minutes while several of our guests and Allegra were left running the kitchen.
The stretch for today: I surrendered and asked someone to help with my laundry. This was huge. The vulnerability of someone, especially a man doing my laundry, seeing my old underwear, hanging my bra to dry is something I have never experienced. In my two marriages which totaled over 25 years of monogamy, there was never a man who did my laundry.
This experience is shifting something in me. I can feel my heart opening and my ability to connect and receive is increasing. Even when there is inconvenience or someone is rushed, if they are making an effort or making the commitment important, I am staying open to receive.
Letting go of controlling how the giving shows up. And most of the time, I am surprised at how it shows up with so much love and kindness and generosity.