Warrior Women Archives - Andrea Hylen

Tag Archives: Warrior Women

International Women’s Day 2018: Slowly a New Path Has Emerged

Posted on March 9, 2018 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Spoken at the Academy Awards on Sunday night, March 4, 2018:

“This year, many spoke their truth, and the journey ahead is long, but slowly a new path has emerged,” Annabella Sciorra

“The changes we are witnessing are being driven by the powerful sound of new voices, of different voices, of our voices, joining together in a mighty chorus that is finally saying ‘time’s up,” Ashley Judd

″So we salute those unstoppable spirits who kicked ass and broke through the biased perceptions against their gender, their race and ethnicity to tell their stories.” Salma Hayek

Watching the Academy Awards in the living room, by myself, on Sunday night, I found myself cheering, holding my breath, jumping off the couch with a Yes! and feeling the winds of change. We have reached another tipping point. There is momentum and there is a lot of work to do to keep this going. It is about speaking up and holding for change and giving time and space for the culture to change, too. That is what is required for change.

Change takes time.

There was a moment last week when Jimmy Kimmel, the host of the Oscars, was asked about #metoo being talked about at the Oscars. He was quoted as saying, “This show is not about reliving people’s sexual assaults — it’s an awards show for people who have been dreaming about maybe winning an Oscar for their whole lives. And the last thing I want to do is ruin that for someone, by making it unpleasant.”

When I first read his words, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach, a feeling I have had many times in my 60 years. Being told to keep my mouth shut, not to make waves, to turn down my light and not to mention the things that would make people feel uncomfortable and of course, not to be unpleasant.

Jimmy Kimmel later clarified that #metoo conversations would be a part of the show and that his words were taken out of context. There is a culture change happening and it is going to be uncomfortable for women and men as we make changes. Let’s remember that.

Change takes time.

When I saw the Time magazine cover from January, with photos of strong women and the words The Silence Breakers, I felt a rush of gratitude and hope for the future. It’s been a long time coming and now that the door is open it is going to take all of us to keep it open and find our way into this new world. There are moments now, when I feel the relief of what is being uncovered. There are moments when I feel impatient and frustrated that the process of change is so slow. And then I remember…

Change takes time.

My personal story is, I left an abusive marriage in 1987. I had to fight for my children and go for psychological testing because no one in my family or his family could understand why I would leave this marriage. No one understood what the abuse had done to me and how broken I was at that time. The abuse and alcoholism were accepted as normal. I was supposed to accept that I “made my bed and I had to lie in it.” I was shamed and shunned for using my voice. Looking back, I can see that the creation of Heal My Voice began during that time but it took 30 more years of personal growth and experiences of trauma, loss and grief before I could start the organization and hold a space for women to write and heal and step into greater leadership in their lives.

Heal My Voice was started in 2011 as a way for women to break the silence. For seven years, we have been meeting in secret Facebook groups, behind closed doors, healing our voices and writing 200 stories. Each story was written over a 9 month period in a community of women. The women had the courage to go down into the emotional basement of their lives to tell the truth of what happened to them. By shining a light on the shadow, they have emerged ready to step into greater leadership in their families, communities, businesses and the world. We are ready. It is time.

Change takes time.

How many of you have been the silence breakers in your family and business? How many of you have been chipping away at a broken system for years? How many of you have been a part of the women’s liberation movement and the mankind project and using your voice?

We are entering a time of even more chaos that will allow us to break free from an old broken system and to rebuild together. There is a climate for change and change takes time with an upheaval, a feeling of “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore,” or a quiet, compelling pull from the Universe. “It’s time.” The next steps for change come with a plan and a structure and the willingness and courage to do the inner work, as well as, the outer work. The next steps involve consistent action, rest, perseverance, patience and courage.

Change takes time.

It is our time. If you don’t see the impact immediately or you see the old culture raising it’s ugly head, keep going. Let’s roll up our sleeves and use the momentum and timing to implement more change. Women and men together. Let’s do it!

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and coaching others to do the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in International Women's Day 2018

Feminism: Awareness is the First Key to Change

Posted on December 7, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 68 of 100 days of Blogging

A friend of mine, a man, shared a post in a Facebook community of men and women who are exploring the new masculine. His post began by stating how his knowledge of feminism has increased 1,000 fold in the last few weeks. He decided to learn more about the feminist movement and do some research about what rights (money, property, marital and more) women have received since he was born almost 50 years ago.

Women were not allowed to take out a business loan without having a male relative cosign until 1988! Think about how that impacted women and what they would believe about their ability to start a business or be a business woman. They needed a male relative to cosign for them. Think about how men would be conditioned to think that women were incompetent to run a business without the support of a man.

I was eight years out of college at that time, working as a Project Manager in Epidemiological Research at Johns Hopkins and the mother of two daughters. And if I had wanted to start a business, I would have needed my father or another male relative to cosign on the loan!

My friend who posted this information has a new awareness and is awakening to the male privilege he didn’t even realize he had. He wants to take more responsibility for his role in the perpetuation of old standards and he is asking questions so he can change his perspective and learn how to support his teenage daughter as she grows into her power as a woman.

After reading his post, I wrote this comment.

Your words really stirred something in me. My whole body was buzzing as I tried to sleep last night. First, thank you for posting. I know I have so many layers of feelings. I feel like I could write a book in response to your question about asking women to share the hate they feel towards men.

For now, I will begin with this. I was born in 1956. I know you asked women to express the hate they have towards men. More than hate, I would say that I feared men. My mom stayed at home and we depended on my dad for our survival needs. Food, shelter, clothing. We were taught to behave and be quiet when he was home because it was his castle and his money. The message I received was to be good and quiet and not to upset him. Many experiences reinforced that message and that was enough to anchor the childhood fear and teach me to go underground with my voice.

One of the ways I have worked on healing this personally and in my work with women is to look at how the history of not being able to own property or have our own bank accounts is in our lineage. Women were property still ripples into our relationships with women in the form of competition for a man. It is the gossipy, back biting, passive-aggressive communication when women feel they have no voice. As much as men, that has involved healing with women first and building trust in our relationships. Understanding the roots of our lineage and the changes that have been taking place step by step and how we still are in a process of changing that old conditioning.

One of the ways I have healed is by practicing Orgasmic Meditation (OM) for 3 years and by living in an OM community with men and women for one year. I see men in a new light. I have a lot less fear and increased love and compassion. Both Robert Kandell and Ken Blackman, the leaders in this secret Facebook group and two of my teachers in the OM community were instrumental in me learning how to tap into more of my power by supporting me in claiming my personal power, owning my desires and breaking through to reach into the power of my sexuality. That is where I have the deepest desire for living life fully and the “nice” girl had to move to the side. In this OM practice, everything changed. The way I run my business, my writing, the claiming of my sexuality and power.

As for my daughters who are now 32, 30, and 22, I have worked with educating, changing patterns, encouraging their voices, and teaching them how to connect with men. The process of changing my own interactions and focusing on my personal growth began when they were born. I taught them to listen, to speak, to stand up for what they believe in. Leaving my husband in 1987 and breaking that pattern of accepting abuse was the way I demonstrated for them. Things are shifting. New legislation is one thing. Changing the mindset and re-callibrating to that change can take a generation or two.

When I was about to graduate high school in 1975, my mother told me I could do or be anything. Saying that and modeling it or providing guidance for that was another thing. It was assumed I would go to college but I received zero guidance for that and there was still the expectation that I would find a husband in college. I got married. Worked full time. Gave birth to two daughters. Maintained the home. Cooked, cleaned, found child care. Took off from work when my kids were sick. It was insane. Now my oldest daughter is married and has a two year old. She wants her husband to help more at home. They run a business together. I can see that some progress has been made in expecting they both take care of their child and I also see the brunt of the home stuff falls on my daughter. Now, I am her coach. I have been teaching her to specifically ask for what she needs on a daily basis with her husband and I can see the shifting for the next generation. More communication. More teamwork in a marriage. More connection. Her generation will take it to the next level and so on…

What are your thoughts about feminism? What are your thoughts about the changing roles for men and women? Please share your voice in the comment section.

**********

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Transformation

Soap Operas: Highlighting Social Issues

Posted on November 25, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 56 of 100 days of Blogging

I was 19 years old. Home from college for the summer and in need of a summer job. After exhausting all possibilities at the King of Prussia Mall, I saw a sign: Hiring Maids for the Summer at a large Motel chain in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. Little did I know the gift that job would be for me and the impact of shaping my life.

First, I learned about following up for a job. I was one of over 100 applicants for a few jobs. After filling out the form, I came back the next day to let the manager know that I was ready, willing and able to work starting that day. She pulled my application out of the middle of the stack, interviewed and hired me on the spot.

Second, I was a TERRIBLE maid, but my attitude and determination helped me receive extra training and I learned how to really clean a room. I received the support I needed to do a good job.

Third, I had no idea how much I needed time to think and feel. This was the summer between my first and second year of college. I was a sponge soaking up all of the information presented to me on TV. Listening to Phil Donahue in the morning and soap operas in the afternoon, I had a whole summer to explore relationships, personal growth and activating my inquiring mind.

Seeing the news of the death of David Canary, an actor, yesterday brought a whole wave of memories about the summer of 1976 and the impact of soap operas. David reminded me of the soap opera, All My Children. (He did not join the cast until 1983 and later became one of Erica Kane’s eight husband’s.) Before David arrived on All My Children, it was Susan Lucci, as Erica Kane who was my greatest teacher. She was independent, powerful, imaginative and brilliant. She had so many feelings and was not afraid to express them! It was inspirational to observe a woman like that.

Soap operas, especially All My Children, played out in my life during times of transition. The summer I worked as a maid. Five years later as a new bride in Baltimore and unemployed for the winter. With each childbirth in 1983, 1985, 1991 and 1993. During the summer my son had open heart surgery and I lay around in an air conditioned room with him during his recovery. The winter I was sick with an autoimmune condition and all I could do was rest. That is when I caught up on “my soaps,” and had another dose of exposure to social issues demonstrated through dramatic acting.

My background as a social worker gave me an interest in watching people interact in relationships. I didn’t sink into soap operas as a way to live my life. I saw them as highlighting the dysfunction and they encouraged me to go to Al-Anon, therapy, and take personal growth classes, to become a minister and a coach. They were food for thought. Soap operas opened me to explore social issues. Erica Kane wanted a career and independence. She did not want to be a homemaker. She had an abortion not for health reasons but because she was a model. (It was the first legal abortion aired on American television.) Other topics were presented in a way that I could learn and also see the challenges. Homosexuality, Drug Use and Alcoholism, Interracial marriage, Anorexia, Same-Sex Marriage. The topics presented in the shows inspired me to read and learn more, to engage in conversations and to explore my own thoughts and ideas; to form my own opinions.

Although I haven’t watched a soap opera in about 20 years, the impact on questioning and exploring social issues is still with me. My writing self emerged during that time in the form of journal writing which led to writing blog posts and stories in Heal My Voice books. The characters and episodes inspired me to speak up and to have a voice.

It is interesting to look back 40 years and see the root of my voice being encouraged and cultivated. The soaps made some of the years with my greatest challenges more manageable and expansive. Getting lost in a character’s life for an hour gave me greater perspective when I returned to my own life. Each episode activated the wheels to spin faster, to open my eyes wider and to inspire me to make conscious choices about how I wanted to step out of the drama and live a bigger life. I used the characteristics represented by Erica Kane to wake up to more of who I really am and to not be afraid to be controversial.

It is one of the reasons I started Heal My Voice. For women to share their stories, their challenges, their dramas to demonstrate and inspire others to use the challenges, see the gifts and use them as

stepping

stones

create

bigger

lives.

**********

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Inspiration

Women Healing Relationships with Each Other

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 55 of 100 days of Blogging

The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. ~Gloria Steinem

I woke up to a post written by a woman in her early 30’s. A powerful Goddess Warrior. Intelligent. Passionate. Brilliant. Giving and Loving. Beautiful inside and out. A friend of one of my daughters.

I burst into tears sobbing as I read her gratitude to her women friends. I have spent my life working with women. Sitting in circles with women with the intention of forming connections and healing our relationships with each other. Raising three daughters to love and appreciate and support women. Heal My Voice circles are held with the intention of women healing their stories and relationships with women together. I am passionate about this and committed to it. Women seeing each other, listening, accepting our differences and finding our places of connection.

When I see a friend of my daughter posting about the power of her friendships with other powerful, amazing women and challenging women to fix the thing in them that keeps them from developing strong friendships with women, yes… I cry. I cry for joy. I cry with relief. I cry with gratitude that I am here to experience this shift. I cry knowing that my daughter is one of this woman’s amazing friends and that together they have other amazing women friends in their intersecting circles. Circle, after circle, after circle.

As a new women’s group is forming in Washington, DC to support women in a sexuality practice, I am bolstered with hope and determination to continue to do my part knowing that I am not alone. Knowing that each circle of women that gathers is having an impact on each other and the world. The ripple effect is getting larger and larger.

And as we heal with each other, we form stronger relationships with men. We raise our sons to value women. We raise our daughters to value men. Strong women lift each other up. They lift up their families, communities and the world.

The Facebook Post:

A type of Thanksgiving “thanks” post:

My entire life, wherever I go, I’ve always found very intense, deep, and long-lasting friendships with other women. Though I don’t love all of Roxanne Gay’s “How to be Friends with Another Woman” essay and admit that I’m sad these lists even have to exist (though I think we’re needing them less and less, slowly but surely) I’d like to highlight the ones that stood out to me and thank some of the most amazing women in my life for not needing these reminders:

1. Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be toxic, bitchy or competitive. This myth is like heels…designed to SLOW women down.
…
3. If you find that you are feeling competitive, toxic, or bitchy toward the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix it and/or find someone who can help you fix it.

4. If you are the kind of woman who says, “I’m mostly friends with guys,” and act like you’re proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something, and less of a woman as if a woman is a bad thing, see Item 3. It’s okay if most of your friends are guys but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul search a little.

4A. If you feel like it’s hard to be friends with women consider that maybe women aren’t the problem. Maybe it’s just you.

Together We Can Rock the World!

**********

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in women

A Tipping Point: Women Becoming More Visible

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 51 of 100 days of Blogging

Women becoming more visible in the world.

I first heard, really heard those words at an Evolutionary Women Retreat in Santa Barbara, California in December 2005. My husband had died five months earlier. I was cracked open and I was grieving. I flew across the country because I had a strong desire to become an Evolutionary Woman. I wanted to know how to do it.

My first question: How do I become an Evolutionary Woman?

At the retreat, I discovered that I was an Evolutionary Woman. I had always been an Evolutionary Woman and now it was time to come out of the closet and share that part of myself with others.

Three years later, I mentored 44 women to write a story in Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life, a project that came out of another Evolutionary Women Retreat. Another part of me was waking up. The lifetime experiences and commitment to journal writing had been laying a foundation for this next part of my life; A writer who also supported the voices of women.

In 2011, two years after Conscious Choices was released, I heard the words Heal My Voice which began a deep journey of forming the non-profit organization, Heal My Voice, and using my lifetime experiences to create a space for women around the world to write a personal, vulnerable story to heal, reclaim personal power and their inner authority, step into greater leadership in their families, communities and the world.

After the Ninth Heal My Voice Book was published in June 2015 and after four years of 24/7 focused attention on women’s stories, devotion to coaching, editing and supporting their voices, I took a pause. This first wave felt complete. It felt like we had reached a completion and it was a moment of being at the top of the mountain and ready for the tipping point. Over 200 stories. Women sharing a personal journey of their own healing and sharing hope with others.

Women becoming more visible in the world.

I took the pause because I was exhausted and I wasn’t sure about the next step. I asked myself, “What will be the step that tips the scales for women?” For 12 weeks, I spent time feeling, writing, listening and reading. I sat in the discomfort of not knowing and I observed resources, tools and conversations that crossed my path. One of the books I read again was The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Difference by Malcolm Gladwell.

Tipping Point: the point at which a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant enough to cause a larger, more important change.

In the ten years since my husband died, women ARE more visible. The work we have been doing behind the scenes is shared on social media, in blogs and in workshops. Writing our stories one word at a time, one conversation at a time we have become more visible to each other.

Parenting my children, something I devoted thirty years to is now complete. My three daughters are adults in the world. Mary as a co-founder of Dramatic Adventure Theatre traveling with students to Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Ecuador, Slovakia for cross cultural exchange, acting and writing plays. Elizabeth teaching English in the Baltimore City School System with special needs high school students. Hannah, a President Ambassador at Santa Monica College and now attending UCLA with a desire to work in the field of Communications. All three girls grown into powerful women with their own voices.

I turn my attention back to myself, to Heal My Voice and to women. Why women? Because I want women to have a place at the table and to walk side by side with men. Interconnectedness and individuation.

In writing 100 blogposts in 100 days I am exploring questions and ideas.

Two areas of questions I have been pondering.

1. What conversation(s) are women and men most interested in exploring right now? Which of my life experiences can support the Good in the world?

2. How can we expand the visibility of the stories by the Heal My Voice authors? How can we spread the words of a woman’s journey in a way that reaches more women and men and impacts the tipping point for healing, hope and leadership on the planet? How can we inspire others to write their stories and uplift the world?

I would love to hear your comments. What conversations do you want to have? What support do you need? What do you feel is the tipping point needed to uplift the planet?

**********

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

Warrior Women: Tuning in for Deeper Listening

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 27 of 100 days of blogging

At the Warrior Women Empowerment and Wellness Retreat this past weekend in Pennsylvania, I led a workshop called Tuning into Deeper Listening.

http://warrior-women.net/

Here are a few of the key points from my talk:

*You were born with all of the answers you will ever need inside of you. They are encoded in the cells of your body. Throughout your life, you have experiences that wake up the cells that hold the desire and the information. We live our lives one moment, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time. When it is time, you will receive the answers and know what to do and be next.

*We gather in groups, read books, listen to speakers, go to conferences and retreats and hire coaches so that we see, hear and feel things that wake up the cells and prepare us for the answers.

*We need the connection with each other to wake up.

*Deeper listening requires a process of emptying out and filling up. An example of how to do that is to take a walk. The first part of the walk you let go of all of the voices, the shoulds, the “to-do’s on your list”. Walk and release. Walk and empty. Let it all go. During the second part of the walk, you fill up. You breathe in the energy from your surroundings; the leaves that are changing on the trees, the sound of birds or in a city, the sounds of the subway, the feel of the wind on your face. Listen, notice, breathe.

*Deeper listening guides you to the people, places and things to create and carve the new pathway.

*Everything is happening at the perfect time. Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life” was published when she was 58 years old and she started Hay House, Inc (also when she was 58 years old.) Every experience leads you on the pathway for each decade. In your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s 90’s, 100’s and beyond…

**********

A few of the tools I suggested to turn off your brain and access deeper listening:

Tool #1: Coloring books. (Hurrah! They are in style again! So many coloring books to choose from for your pleasure)

This is a perfect activity for a doer, type person. You are “doing” something while turning off your brain. Notice the colors you are drawn to and breathe in the colors.

A few coloring books I love!

1. Coloring Feeds the Soul and Keep Calm and Color

Pati Woodard: https://www.etsy.com/shop/patimakescoolstuff

2. The Big Girls Little Coloring Book

It has 21 Mandalas, each with an Affirmation and medARTation page.

The book is a journey through insights that are about topics like the power of the Mind, the role of Nature for healing and empowerment, how to identify Patterns in out life and many more.

http://www.amazon.com/Big-Girls-Little…/dp/1582706212

3. Coloring My Days by Kristen Webster

http://www.amazon.com/Coloring-My-Days-Kristen-Webster/dp/0996757430/

4. The Mindful Journey: Color~Create~Journal by Zan Packard

http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Journey-Color-Create-Journal/dp/1470077450/

**********

Tool #2: Oracle Cards or Spirit Cards.

Doreen Virtue has created some of my favorites. Search on-line for a deck that resonates with you.

Randomly pick a card and focus on the photo, the words, the colors. Close your eyes and sit in silence for a few minutes. Let it stir something inside of you. Let go of your thoughts and feel.

**********

Tool #3: Get a small notebook and write down 5-10 clues and signs that cross your path every day. The things that light you up or bring curiosity and excitement. Some ideas:

1. Books

2. Words

3. A conversation

4. A phone call or Facebook message from an old friend

5. Colors, nature, music

6. A dream

Then, in a few weeks, go back and look at the trends. What topic repeats over and over? What do you feel and notice? Listen for the inspired action.

What helps you to go into deeper listening? Share with us in the comments section.

**********

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Living in Flow