Day 17 of 100 days of blogging
A few weeks ago, a female friend invited me to a group called The New Masculine Community. When I first saw the words, I wondered why she was inviting me to a men’s group. I am a woman and I work mainly with women in my organization, Heal My Voice.
The description in the group:
This group is for education, discussion and debate. It originally was formed to support a men’s program by Zat Baraka, Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell called the Razor’s Edge that was run in Winter 2015.
Please note:
Masculine does not necessarily mean man.
Feminine does not necessarily mean woman.
This page is for ALL genders and ALL sexual orientations to discuss the topics of masculine and feminine nature in today’s ever-changing world. To help breakdown the bullshit conventions that run us, which haven’t worked in a very long time.
We are a community of people who want to learn more about how we tick and how others. We are here to share ideas and concepts. You might not like everything that you read. However, we hope that it influences you enough to notice your programming.
Having spent the last three years in what appears to be a female-centric practice (Orgasmic Meditation) and being committed to living in community and practicing with men, I decided to hang out in the group and read some of the comments. (I also really admire and appreciate the work of Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell who originally started the group and I know there is a team of women and men monitoring the posts.)
This week, one of the women in the group posted an article about Bradley Cooper (an actor) supporting Jennifer Lawrence (an actress) in her article about the Hollywood Pay Gap. Cooper has been teaming up with female stars to negotiate salaries before film production starts. “I don’t know where it’s changing otherwise but that’s something that I could do,” Cooper said.
I feel like that is the point. If we see something in the world that is wrong, we can do our part. Do something. Support someone. Teach a woman or man how to negotiate a salary. Look around and see where you can offer your unique talents and skills. It begins with each of us making that choice individually.
I made a choice in my life 30 years ago to live in community where every person is supported and encouraged to be the fullest expression of who they really are. (By community, I mean finding like minded people who wanted to do the same thing. We all lived in our own family homes all over the city) 
We were all committed to heal the wounds of what we were taught are the roles of feminine and masculine. I made a choice to look at my own actions and behavior first, decide where I needed changes. I left a marriage because in that verbal and sexual abusive environment, I was not being the role model I came to be for my two little girls. I made the choice to leave and start unraveling generations of patterning about submissive women.
When I first read the article, I wrote the first comment and highlighted words Cooper spoke about seeing a problem and doing his part to make it right. He isn’t trying to change the whole world by himself, just making a change where he had power. I invite you to let go of the amount of money they are making. That is a distraction from the bigger picture. This is an example of “In my world, I can change this.”
After the death of our son and my own life threatening illness my 2nd husband and I decided to homeschool our children to provide an environment where they had more self-expression and freedom to be themselves. We connected with 1000 families in the Baltimore~DC area. Pooled resources, offered our unique talents and skills, daily interaction and field trips. Stroked out the best of each kid. Male or female. Gave them the freedom to find out who they are. Then, it was up to each child to make their own choices. We laid the foundation.
Instead of talking about a bunch of theory about what is the new masculine and what is feminine leadership, how about each of us taking a look at where we can support someone to be the best they can be instead of using humor or criticism to diminish them. Ask yourself, how can I be the best version of a man? How can I be the best version of a woman? How can I integrate masculine and feminine characteristics of creativity, intuition, action, strength into my life? Feel. Think. Open your eyes and look around.
The commitment to your own growth doesn’t end until you die. I imagine that every person reading this blogpost has a desire, a longing for better communication with others and deep down wants to peel away the facade of who you thought you were supposed to be. And underneath, there is another part of you that wants to be seen and felt and heard.
You don’t have to do everything. Do something. Do your part.
We are all in this together.
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 13 of 100 days of blogging
In college, I studied Human Sexuality as part of my Social Work degree from Temple University. Reading the book, “Our Bodies, Ourselves,” written by the Boston Women’s Health Collective was the first time I can remember hearing the voices of women sharing their experiences with vulnerability and information about a woman’s body. One evening, I sat in a woman’s circle where every woman was handed a plastic speculum, a mirror, a flashlight and lubrication. We were taught how to do the breast exam and pelvic exam on ourselves. All of the women took off their pants and underwear, lay down on blankets and pillows and prepared to follow the step-by-step instructions to touch and examine our own bodies. I remember the exclamations of awe and joy and tears when a woman saw her cervix for the first time. Women empowering women in a circle gathering. That was 1978 and I was 22 years old.
During the late 90’s, I taught medical students at Johns Hopkins University how to do the pelvic and breast exam, first with words and instructions. Then I gave each of them a hands-on-experience, using my body as a practice patient. Dressed in a hospital gown, I taught them how to hold and use the speculum, guiding their hands to insert the speculum into my vagina with me as their first patient. I talked about the importance of creating a safe environment and using a gentle touch to preserve each woman’s dignity. In five years of teaching, I had over 500 pelvic and breast exams with 500 different medical students.
In 2013, I entered a new experience with my body when I was introduced to a 15 minute partnered practice called Orgasmic Meditation (OM). In this partnered practice with a man, I experienced the potential for us to heal our sexuality through better communication, attention and connection. No goal. 15 minutes of connection, sensation and the awakening of desire. I practiced OM with multiple partners in a safe community environment and learned how to teach the technique by taking courses with a company called OneTaste. I have now taught individuals and partners around the world how to practice Orgasmic Meditation.
My deepest desire has been for women to have a place to connect, have conversations, share vulnerability and support each other; to heal their relationship with their bodies and with each other. In the ninth Heal My Voice book program, I finally had my wish. For nine months, twelve women from Sweden; eight women from the United States with Marie Ek Lipanovska from Sweden and me from the U.S. co-facilitating an on-line gathering in a secret Facebook group. We stoked the emotional fires to stir up the burning embers of desire, connection and sensuality hidden within our souls. In conversation and writing, we explored universal experiences of a woman’s body. Menstruation. Childbirth. Menopause. Sexual Desire. We discussed body sensations of sensuality, power, grief, abandonment, trauma, life and death with courage and vulnerability. Our experiences included writing and speaking, healing, reclaiming power tied up in an old story, connection with community, intentional space, deep listening and at the end of the process, clarity around the next step in leadership.
You must do the things you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
When we started to write, I thought I was ready, really ready, to reveal my story: a journey of sexual exploration. It wasn’t until I began to write this personal story that I felt a new vulnerability and resistance to writing and exposing my story even to myself. I found my hands hovering over the computer keyboard afraid to write anything. I had a flood of fearful thoughts: Can I really tell this story? How will it affect my business? Will my organization, Heal My Voice, lose all credibility if I write a sensual story about desire and sex? Can I really write about looking at Playboy magazines when I was 11 years old? Can I write about the desire to have sex now that I am 58 years old and a widow, a mother, a grandmother? Can I write about the sensuality essence that is waking up in me? I had to walk my own path by diving into the places in me that held the darkness of shame and fear around my sexual desire and to write my own story.
This was the ninth personal story I had written in a Heal My Voice or Heal My Voice Sweden book program and it was the first time I was afraid to put my words onto paper even in the privacy of my home with no one watching. That was a clue that I am not the only woman who feels vulnerable to admit my desires, embrace the sensations and to have open conversations. I knew I had to write a story about Sensuality that connected to my Sexuality and to make the conversation visible.
It was the women in this community of co-authors who read the drafts of my story, who acknowledged my courage and who told me to just write the story without the need for approval and without justifying why I felt the need to write it now. Each woman was held with the same love, care and encouragement. And as each woman completed her story, it opened the door for the next woman to keep writing and complete her story. We held each other, shared our voices, one word at a time, until twenty stories were completed. We are in this together…
As part of my 1500 word story for the book Sensual Voices, I wrote about my 28th OM (Orgasmic Meditation). I shared the sensations, the healing, the emotion that was released and the connection with my OM partner. Tomorrow, I will share that experience with you in the next blogpost.
The journey continues…
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 12 of 100 days of blogging
(Originally this was published on the OneTaste site https://onetaste.us/a-life-powered-by-orgasm/)
A Life Powered by Orgasm
By Andrea Hylen
I used to connect the word orgasm to the act of climax during intercourse. As I have been exploring the power of orgasm as an energy source over the last year, I have found that I like this definition better:
Orgasm: A similar point of intensity of emotional excitement.
Orgasm is the energy that pulses through me when I am fully engaged with life. It’s the excitement I feel when I am free to be myself. It’s feeling a wide range of emotions. In all these states, I am in the flow of orgasm.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:
…fueled me to leave my first husband and break free of old beliefs and find my voice.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:
…inspired me to home school my children with creativity and adventure.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:
…compelled me to go to 78 Jonas Brothers concerts in 2 1/2 years with my teenage daughter.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:
…moved me to host 44 internet radio shows in 45 days—when I had never hosted a radio show before.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:
…pulsed through me to start the organization Heal My Voice.
“Orgasm” to me is a superpower energy that encourages me to say, “YES!” It pushes me into the world and inspires me with the juice of my desire to experience as much as I possibly can while I am living life.
Do you want to know how to access this superpower for yourself?
Three tips on how to live powered by orgasm:
Feel the Sensations and Listen to Your Body: Develop a daily practice that cultivates your ability to focus and listen to the sensations in your body. Journaling, walking in nature, yoga and Orgasmic Meditation (OM) are all superb practices.
My daily OM practice has increased my ability to feel and hold more sensation. I support trauma survivors in my work. A few years ago, I could only coach one survivor a day. The sensations of their emotions were too intense for me. Now, I coach five survivors a day, three times a week, and I have coached over 200 women writing stories of trauma, loss and grief. My practice has helped me be able to hold more sensation in my body.
Take Action: Start with one step—one stroke, one phone call, one task—and keep building that momentum with the next inspired action step.
My daily OM practice has unleashed more of my desire to speak my voice in the world. When the president of a women’s organization asked me to speak at her conference I felt the orgasm pulsing through me and I said yes—even before I knew what I would be speaking about! All I had to do was take the next action step towards what I wanted.
Ask for Support: It is more fun to share the adventure with other people and receiving help will exponentially increase the orgasm!
An OM practice is inherently a partnered practice. We literally can not do it alone. And I don’t want to do it alone. Asking for adjustments and receiving requests from my partner within the container of the OM teaches me how to connect, how to ask and receive support for my desires, and how to live in high sensation while in connection to other people.
I AM POWERED BY ORGASM! You can be, too.
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 10 of 100 days of blogging
Queens, New York
October 10, 2015
Watching Bob’s Burgers with my granddaughter Lucille this morning, I was inspired to write a blog about the episode when it is Linda’s birthday. Linda is the Mom. (Episode is called Eat, Spray Linda. Season 5. Episode 18)
Linda wakes up remembering it is her birthday. She tries to bury her head under the pillow and stay in bed to avoid the day. When the family tells her they are working on a surprise and she has to leave the house, Linda goes out to the grocery store where a series of mishaps occur. Keys locked in car with her cell phone and purse. Pants rip in the butt. No one in the grocery store will help her. Catches a bus going in the wrong direction. Sprayed by a skunk twice. It is a day of total chaos and Linda digs deep and conquers one challenge after another.
At the end of the day, bathing in a tub filled with tomato juice, her husband (Bob) tells her, ” Sorry your birthday was horrible.” She says, “Hey! Don’t be sorry. This was the best birthday ever!” She goes on to tell him that this is a new tradition. “Every year on my birthday, you blindfold me. Drop me off at a location with no cell phone and no money and I have to find my way home.”
I love Linda! She has this way of seeing the sunshine in adversity. Linda made the best of the chaotic situation and ignited a part of her that had been dormant. She came alive!
What if we all embraced adversity and challenges with this exuberance? What could we create in our lives and in the world?
You Decide.
The show reminded me of something I shared in the 30 days of writing program for this month:
It may feel like you have had no choice at different times in your life. You didn’t decide your life circumstances. You had another plan and it looked nothing like this! You may feel as if you lost control of your life. And at the same time you still have choices. You get to decide who you are going to be in this moment. You get to decide how you are going to respond and to be in the moment of what is happening.
On the community call yesterday I talked about my son and the power of the gifts I learned from his birth and his death and his illness. He was my teacher. Twenty-two years later, I continue to reach into that bag of gifts over and over. I may have moments of sadness. That’s okay. When someone you love dies, you will have moments of sadness. Even twenty years later. Reaching into that time period also reminds me of things that were revealed about who I really am.
When we are presented with challenges, we can find the gifts.
I first found out about my son’s heart condition when I was seven months pregnant with him and I was driving to drop off a report for a consulting job. When I got off the cell phone, I started pounding on the steering wheel and crying out in pain. Why God? Why me? Why him? Haven’t I had enough challenges in this lifetime? More than my fair share? Why, why, why?
After a few hours of feeling like this, I made a decision. I am powerless over this situation and I can still take charge of my life. I decided I was here to support my son and I would cross- stitch angels. Every stitch would be a prayer. It would be a blessing to Cooper, to our family and friends, to everyone who we would meet. In the 19 months of his life, I cross stitched elaborate angels with tiny, tiny stitches and big, big prayers.
This is actually how you change and transform. You are presented with a life experience and YOU DECIDE who you are going to be. Then you practice it. Over and over until one day you are transformed. Caterpillar to butterfly.
New Perspectives
Like Linda on Bob’s Burgers and the challenges she had on her birthday or the experiences we all have when we feel powerless or out of control, we have a choice. To embrace the experience and find out new things about ourselves or to shut down and give up.
I encourage you to get a new perspective and challenge yourself. You never know what surprises are laying within you!
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 7 of 100 days of blogging
When I first wrote the draft for this blogpost, I was at a crossroads. I had been living in youth hostels and extended stay hotels with my youngest daughter while we explored living in California. I didn’t know if we would stay there or if we would return to Maryland and the community I had known for 28 years. This experience is an example of living in the void, between worlds, where one thing was ending and the new beginning was around the corner. I just couldn’t see it yet.
In the next two months, I would write 70 articles on grief transformation. Two months after that I would be hosting 44 blogtalk radio shows about Grief Transformation. And in January 2011, I would hear the words Heal My Voice and submit the paperwork to start an organization.
This is a picture of what it looks like when you are in the middle of the bridge from the past to the future.
*****
Burbank, California
July 2010
It has been awhile since I have written a blogpost about the journey I have been on since January. The main reason for not writing is I haven’t had the words to describe what has been happening. I have been going deeper into myself and exploring and discovering a new depth of who I am. I have been describing my life with the words silent retreat, inner journey, climbing a mountain and walking on the beach. Asking questions and listening.
I check in on Facebook. I talk to a few people at the coffee shop. There is an occasional phone call. But, most of my time is spent in silence. Listening, observing the feedback from the Universe, taking action and feeling the feelings.
For the past few weeks, I have had moments every day of feeling like a failure. I have had several moments of feeling like I am a f**k-up. I have doubted, feared, questioned and told myself I live in a la-la fantasy world where I should just get with the program. Not sure what the program is exactly but it feels like “get back in the box and do what everyone else is doing.” Not sure what that is either. It feels constrictive because I am looking for the path of someone else and not my own.
Instead of running from the feelings, I have played with them every day. I have felt them, rolled them around in my heart, looked at them and learned from them.
This latest wave of fears and doubts started with a situation with my cats. The couple who have been watching them in Santa Barbara, CA. can no longer take care of them. Their oldest cat is beginning to feel the stress of living with 7 cats in a small house. It has become Urgent for us to find another home for them.
Staying with my theme of Open to Inspiration, I thought that maybe it was time to find an apartment and make a commitment to a specific location. In January, I thought Hannah and I would live in temporary situations for a year. Part of being open to the inspiration and releasing the attachment of timing. I opened to the idea of settling down and planting roots in southern California. With an apartment of our own, the cats could come and live with us.
I started every day by asking the question, “What is the next step in finding a place to live?” I listened and took a step towards the inspiration. Every day I experienced a “failure”. The apartments were too expensive. I don’t have a job with an income and probably couldn’t qualify. I don’t want to commit to a year lease without having a job or solid income. I don’t have enough money in the bank to pay for a year of apartment expenses. The apartment with the lower price was filled already. Every inspired step led me to a closed door.
The next step was to look for sublets that would allow cats. Nothing in the area.
Every day, I took the inspired action step. I felt the place of discomfort within myself. Every day I took an hour walk, felt the feelings and began to shift the energy. I imagined myself feeling a connection to the Earth as I walked. I imagined the critical thoughts passing through me letting all of the critical thoughts pass through me and into dear Mother Earth. At some point, during the walk, I would release the fear, anxiety, doubts. Call it a connection to nature, Spirit, God or a deeper place inside of you. Whatever your belief is fine.
One day, as I was walking and beginning to feel a relief from the fear, a moment of feeling at peace with myself and with life, a thought popped into my head.
I remembered a moment with my son, Cooper. He was born with a congenital heart defect. At two weeks old, he had just received his first open heart surgery. The doctors came into the private room where they would give us an update on the surgery. The doctor said that they had done all that they could, Cooper was weak and would probably not survive the night. After a few minutes, I decided to go and sit with our son. I had made a decision. I sat next to him in PICU. With tears streaming down my face, I began to speak. “Cooper, I love you. You are at a crossroads in your life. I will be here with you, no matter what you choose. If you decide to fight for your life and heal, I will be with you every step of the way. And if you decide that you have to leave now and die, I will stay with you and love you. No matter what you decide, I love you.” Within a few minutes, his vital signs improved. He had chosen to live.
And I was always with him. For 19 months, I took him to doctor appts, sat with him at the hospital until the last hospital stay when it was time for him to leave. Soul mission complete.
In recalling this loss, I am reminded how I discovered strengths inside of me that I didn’t know I had, in the pain of loving and losing my child. Courage, compassion, unconditional love, and my warrior spirit.
Somehow in the depth of feeling like a failure right now, letting myself go into the depths of the emotion, clearing it to see the truth of who I am, I discovered something about myself that I really never understood until now. I see that the way I have lived my life, pushing out of the box, being willing to take a risk, walking on the path when I can only see a foot in front of me, embracing it all, has been the only way I can live.
This is authentically ME!
What I know about myself is that I am showing up. I am living in flow. I don’t know what is going to happen in the next hour, day, week, month, year. I do know that I am courageous, willing, resourceful, loved, and inspired. I will not give up.
I know there is something on the other side of this. Today I am courageous. Today I reignite my curiosity and childlike sense of wonder knowing that anything is possible.
Today I remember who I am.
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 6 of 100 days of blogging
I had an opportunity to lead a workshop at the On Purpose Woman Conference in Columbia, Maryland this past weekend. It was called, “Using the Feelings of Failure As a Tool of Exploration.” It was birthed from a blogpost I wrote in August 2015.
To be totally transparent, I thought there might be 3 women in the Workshop. It was not the bright, shiny, juicy topic of feel good upliftment I like to present at this conference. I also felt like I was still in a current process of feeling this feeling of failure. So, who am I to teach it while living it in the moment?!?
As women began to enter the room, I could feel how wrong I had been about the number of women interested in this topic. The room was packed. We gathered in a close circle with rows around the circle. Failure was the exact feeling that many of us were feeling and I wanted us to feel intimate and cozy. A women’s circle with deep, real conversation. Lean in. Whisper it. Speak it. Heart to heart sharing.
There are many reasons for this feeling of failure or defeat. We have all had losses of jobs, clients, health, homes and loved ones. And we have had successes that have come to completion and we are not sure where we are going next. So, we feel deflated, confused and lost. No matter how many successes we have had there are expectations in our society and culture that tell us we have failed; the internal and the external feelings and reflections. Even our closest friends and family who love us and want the best for us, add to the feeling with questions. “So, what are you going to do now?” My inner voice when I am this place of not knowing is: I DON”T KNOW!!! STOP ASKING ME!!!
I am going to share a little secret with you: I have felt these feelings of failure or uncertainty so many times and I always come out of it brighter and shinier and more excited about life than ever! When I am in it, it feels like I will never get to the other side. Luckily, I have experienced this so many times, I have a big tool kit of resources, support and experiences to stay connected to when I am in this process.
And one more secret: On some level you know what is next, too. It is in your subconscious and is in the process of emerging. The key is allowing yourself to feel the feelings of not knowing in this moment. You need silence and stillness and time to let it bubble up into your consciousness. Your intuition will guide you to the people, resources, classes, business partners, coaches, and new ideas. All of this will arrive one step at a time or in a big rush of ideas.
CAUTION: When you have the big rush of ideas, write them down and let them become grounded. Keep them close to your heart and get to know them before doing anything with them. Be willing to go even deeper and give them time to reorganize into a structure. An hour. A day. A week. A month. You do not need to spin your wheels to make things happen.
This is a rich time to deconstruct your patterns. This is where the power and freedom is hidden. Deconstruct your patterns to release the old and embrace the new.
A few Tips to Navigating during this time:
Give yourself time.
*Walks in Nature.
*Meditation.
*Slow down (even with kids, simplify everything. Go to the playground and spend time emptying your mind or reflecting. Or get up 15 minutes earlier or stay up later just to have some stillness.)
Write down clues and signs.
*What is crossing your path? A friend from high school finds you on Facebook. Someone recommends a book. A film is released and you are curious.
*What lights you up, gets you excited?
*Just write it down and become a detective in your life.
Set Intentions.
*Go to bed with a question on your mind. Keep paper and pen at the side of your bed so you can roll over and write down insights.
*Talk less about your process while you are in it.
*Find a place where you can be messy and release an unorganized, emotional, incomplete process.
Create rituals:
*Write for five minutes a day (at least)
*Morning Pages: Inspiration-The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
*Coloring mandalas or blank paper with crayons, markers, colored pencils.
*Buy some art supplies and play.
Meditate or write at the same time every day.
When you do an activity at the same time every day, it activates something in the brain. With this repetition, there is a time when your ideas flow like turning on a faucet of overflowing visions.
*****
PS: After the 40 minute workshop, a few of the women told me they wanted more information. A workshop. A retreat. Something more. The next day I rode the Megabus from Washington, DC to New York for a week of birthday celebrations. On the bus, I had a flash of ideas and by the time I reached New York, I had the structure of a program I will be teaching in November. A workshop with an on-line group and a Secret Facebook Group.
How to Use Feelings As A Tool of Exploration
This will be for women who know they are pioneers and carving new pathways. It is time!
Thank you Ginny Robertson for inviting me to speak. Thank you to the women who had the courage to come to the workshop and for asking me for more…
I am ready!
To attend the On Purpose Woman conference in the future, get on the mailing list! http://onpurposewomanconference.com/
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
At an On Purpose Woman Conference this past weekend in Columbia, Maryland, a panel of women talked about the New Feminism. The panel consisted of six women ages 22-60. From the hour long sharing, it became clear that the new feminism is inclusive of all genders, all cultures, all ages, all humanity. We all want connection and authentic communication. We want to be seen and heard. We all have unique gifts to offer the world. AND New Feminism begins with loving ourselves first and sharing that love with each other and the world.
To attend the conference in the future, get on the mailing list! http://onpurposewomanconference.com/
*****
For more exploration of the topic of Feminism, listen to the 30 minute TEDx Talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:
We Should All Be Feminists:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc
Some of her words:
We must raise our girls and boys differently. Boys are raised to prove their masculinity.
What if we raised boys and girls differently about masculinity and the connection to money?
We teach girls to cater to a man’s ego and the “harder” the man, the more fragile the ego. Girls must not be too smart or a man’s ego will be hurt.
Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man?
We teach girls shame. Close your legs. Cover yourself. We make them feel as though being born female is something to be ashamed of already. As so, girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves.
They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think.
And they grow up~and this is the worst thing we do to girls~ they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form. (masks, make-believe, pretending we are something or believe something that we don’t)
*****
The time is now. Feminism is not a dirty word. It is Humanity and it is Freedom for All.
“A Feminist is a Man or a Woman who says, Yes, there is a problem with gender today and we must fix it. We must do better.”
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 3 of 100 days of blogging
On New Year’s Eve in 2013, I attended an event at the Agape International Spiritual Center in Los Angeles with two of my friends, Julia and Eric. During the evening, there was meditation, intention setting, music and dancing; lots and lots of dancing. As the New Year approached, we were in the front of the church watching three girls dancing on a set of carpeted stairs leading up to the main stage.
The girls, ages 10, 8, and 7 had us mesmerized. Each of them dancing in joy and harmony with each other. Dancing their own dance and connected in a natural flow, they walked up and down the stairs with each girl taking her turn on the top step and claiming the spotlight with enthusiasm while the other two danced together one step down. Then, as if they had practiced and pre-arranged the timing, the girl on the top step would switch places with one of the other girls. Over and over they took turns dancing on the top step while also enjoying the lower step.
It was gorgeous. It was like watching Diana Ross and the Supremes except that each girl had her turn at being Diana Ross and her turn at being the “back-up” singer. No need to compete because it was so beautifully shared.
It may seem like a little thing unless you look at this as a microcosm of a larger picture that is emerging on the planet. Girls and women learning how to be strong leaders, how to take turns in the spotlight, how to dance their dance without playing small or diminishing each other and having fun while doing it.
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Day 2 of 100 Days of Blogging
October 2, 2015
University Park, Maryland
It was one of those days. Weather had turned from 85 degrees Fahrenheit to 65 degrees Fahrenheit overnight. Pouring rain and I had to go out to run a few errands. The slow leak in the front tire of my car was now almost flat. I had dropped my iPhone the day before and the face cracked with exposed wires. The insurance company denied my claim and on top of that I heard a hurricane was on the way. All of this on the day before I was going to an On Purpose Woman Conference in Columbia, Maryland and then on to New York City for a week.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and imagined all of my power coming back to me. I am not a victim. I grabbed the keys and ran through the rain to the car.
First stop: The Tire Place in Hyattsville, Maryland. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, a man came out to greet me, showed me where to park the car and started to take care of the tire. Fifteen minutes later, the tire was plugged and the cost was only $10. Awesome! I am supported by the Universe! YES!
Second stop: Back to the house and walked my friends’ dogs while there was a break in the rain. Be of service. Do something for someone else. Slow down. Work through this day one step at a time. Doggies were so happy. Life is good! YES!
Third stop: The Verizon Store to buy a phone. It is a business tool and I have to take care of this. Sitting in the parking lot, I decided to call the insurance company one more time. Asking one more person why my claim was denied. (What is the purpose of insurance if it won’t pay for an accident with the phone?) It seems there was a record of me filing for a replacement phone in July which was not true. Thirty minutes later, the error was corrected, the fee was paid ($149 vs $600) and the phone will be delivered to me in New York. Thank you God! Back in business. YES!
Last stop: YES! Market. Healthy food and produce. I decide to buy fresh ingredients and cook dinner for my housemate tonight. Slowing down in the check-out line. Noticing. Breathing.
And then the biggest gift of the day arrived. A moment of tender humanity.
I noticed an African American couple running into the store when I first pulled up. Now, I was in the store and I heard sounds that could have been laughter or crying. The woman had her arms wrapped around the man’s shoulders. It felt sweet and tender. As I got closer, I noticed she had tears running down her face. Weaving through the aisles of the store, I passed them several more times. Silent tears on her face. At the check-out, they were right in front of me. Her tears and crying began to build until she ran out of the store, leaving the man at the check-out line. As soon as she left, his stoic face relaxed, his shoulders drooped and his tears began to fall. He placed the food on the check-out line: chicken, mushrooms, broccoli, milk and a six pack of bottled beer. The ingredients for a simple meal. Noticing him brushing away the tears, trying to stop the tears, and putting his hand over his face from time to time, I could feel his grieving heart. Surrounding him energetically with love, I held a space for him to feel what he was feeling without imposing my questions or condolences into his experience. I just witnessed and allowed a private moment in a public space. 
When his turn at the check-out finally came, the young East Indian clerk at the check-out gave him his change and said, “I don’t know what is happening to you right now and May God Bless You.” The man nodded and walked out of the store. I looked at the clerk, held eye contact and nodded my head in agreement. This interchange between two men on a rainy day was so filled with sunshine. Heart connections. Beauty
One by one things came together in my day and the best part was feeling this authentic moment and witnessing heart felt caring from one stranger to another.
This is the world I live in.
Real. Connections. Love.
*****
Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.
She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
Flying home to Baltimore, I had a sudden flash of fear and sadness ripple through my body. The feeling and thought was, “I am a failure.” Ten years since my husband died. Five years of living in Los Angeles and traveling to different parts of the world, why do I feel like a failure?
I can make a list of some of the things I have accomplished since my husband died ten years. Organized and sponsored Evolutionary Women retreats and mentored a group of 44 women to write stories in a book called Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Ordained as a spiritual peace minister in the Beloved Community. Studied and completed two different year long coaching programs. Completed the homeschooling of my youngest child who graduated from Santa Monica College and is now enrolled at UCLA. Sold a house and my husband’s business and moved from Maryland to California. Drove over 40,000 miles in the United States in a three year period. Traveled to several countries. Started an organization called Heal My Voice with nine published books of true stories by women, two of the books in Swedish and developed and launched several other programs. Became On Purpose Woman of the Year in 2013. And there is much more I could add to this list.
Looking at that list, how can I even think I am a failure?
It comes down to internal and external expectations. It means I am focusing on the things I haven’t accomplished. It means I am trying to measure myself by the standards of society, family and friends.
This is not the first time I have felt like this. In 1980, when my 5th High School Reunion rolled around, I didn’t attend because I had this feeling of not having done enough. I had graduated from Temple University with a BSW and was immediately hired by an organization focused on working with teenagers. I loved my job and my life. I was living with my boyfriend. We had been together for four years. But we weren’t married and were not engaged and I wasn’t pregnant. It is so crazy to think about it now as my 40th reunion is approaching. Why did I think I should have accomplished all of that in 5 years?
I was caught up in the inner critic and the expectations in my head and noticing the life that other high school graduates were living in my town. I now have moments of feeling incredulous about that because it feels so crazy! AND…here I am once again with this idea of expectations of what my life “should” look like and what I “should” have accomplished instead of asking myself if I am using the time I have on the earth to experience and explore life in ways that are meaningful to me. Am I living the life I want to be living?
Life is a journey, not a destination.
Even that statement is limiting, it is more than that. Life is a series of experiences where we learn about ourselves in connection to people, places and things. A moment of intimate connection, a moment of laughter, a moment of sensation with smell, touch, seeing, hearing, feeling. It is the moment in the experiences. It is many journeys with many twists and turns and many destinations. Stops along the road.
So, noticing the feeling of failure in my heart and soul right now, I have been using the feelings as a tool of exploration. Noticing the depth of this feeling inside of me and noticing how it is being reflected in the comments of a few well meaning family and friends. For the last six weeks, I have embraced this feeling of failure as a teacher. I let myself sit in the feelings; Giving myself a day here and there to just feel shitty. No pushing through it to find the silver lining, to give myself a pep talk, no putting on a happy face or listing all the ways I have impacted hundreds, maybe thousands of people in the world.
Feeling all of the feelings is helping me to unravel outdated beliefs and get to some core or root issues. It is helping me to identify my “expectations” and the societal pressure to be anything except me. It is helping me to get in touch with my desire, to love myself more, to redefine my life and let it come into form with newly discovered desires. It is helping me to notice where I have impacted the world around me. It is helping me to find questions to ask and explore. I am writing, meditating, listening, reading, watching movies, having some conversations with people.
What do I want to create? Who do I want to spend time with? Where do I want to live?
At the age of 58, there is an expectation that I should be looking to retire, slow down, live in one place. Instead, I am continuing to live what may seem like a radical life. I listen to Spirit and I follow the beat of my inner guidance. I do not own a home or a car. I have been asking myself if I want to change that and how will that serve the expansion of the work I am passionate about. Do I need my own home to do the things I want and feel guided to be doing in the world? Or is it better to be home free?
The question I ask myself regularly is: “What does my soul want to experience and how what gifts do I have to share with the world?”
This is the experience I am choosing right now. Living in temporary spaces by house and pet sitting. Working out of coffee shops. Writing and listening.
I am curious. What is the question you are exploring right now? Post in the comment section and share it with us.
*****
I wrote this blog post in August 2015. Nine months later there were new ideas and a new program I created that helped me excavate and alchemize my experiences into supporting women on the same journey.
*****
Andrea Hylen received the 2013 On Purpose Women award by the On Purpose Networking for Women (OPN) organization in Baltimore, MD in recognition for her work to empower everyday women and girls all over the world. She founded Heal My Voice through her own experiences with grief, trauma, and loss which lead to living from greater inner authority, purpose and leadership. Andrea’s journey with grief includes the loss of her brother, husband and son.
With more than thirty-five years of training and teaching experience, Andrea is a coach, author, speaker, and parent, with expertise in grief, and healing from sexuality and trauma. Her training includes, BSW from Temple University, Ordained Minister in the Beloved Community, Enwaken Coaching System and OneTaste Coaching program and ongoing trainings in energy healing.
In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach. She thoroughly enjoys connecting through social media, blogging and hosting radio shows.