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Love: Authentic Connection

Posted on December 20, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 81 of 100 days of Blogging

Miracle Message #79: Love can come from any form of authentic connection. #MiracleNow ~Gabrielle Bernstein

A Series of Blog Posts:

Intimacy Research Background:

I wanted to grow and learn. I wanted to heal the wounds from past relationships with men. I wanted connection and intimacy. I wanted a partner who would practice with me. Real feelings. Real connection. Research.

So, I asked him. A man who was in my coaching leadership program. A man who I had a mental, physical, emotional connection with and who I felt could match my level of intensity and desire. I asked him to be in an intimacy research partnership with me for eight months. He said yes immediately.

We set up a Google document. We Face timed. We texted. And once a month, we met in person in San Francisco. He flew in from Germany. I flew from New York. We created an experience.

*****

Month 2 (October 2013 continued):

At the end of the week, we spent one last night together at the Good Hotel. With the words, BE GOOD on the wall #begood. Funny to see that as I am in a process of reclaiming my sexuality. When I saw the words I felt like my mother was in the room with me reminding me to be good!

Axel and I took a walk in the full moon light and I saw the words LOVE on the apartment building across the street. I took a photo.

Him: No. Love always complicates things.

Me: Why does love complicate? I feel love for people all the time. I felt love for the man behind the counter who just checked us into the hotel. He was so present. So full of information and wanting to be helpful. I could feel his heart and I felt love for him in that moment. My heart swelled with love. An authentic connection.

Him: That is not possible.

The night before in the airbnb with 20 of my friends and classmates, someone asked if I am in love with Axel. I said yes, I think I am in love with him. Then, I paused and felt into my heart. No, I am not “in love” with him. I am in love with elements of him that bring out elements of love for me. The love is expanding me to be more of me.

In this moment in the moonlight, I tell him:

I love the way your body feels and the way our bodies feel together.

I love the playful side of you that brings out the playful side in me.

I love your intense enthusiasm that mirrors my own intense enthusiasm.

I love how you connect with strangers on the street and in the hostels that brings out that side in me, too.

I love working side by side with our computers and challenging each other to be powerful.

I love talking about money and how excited we both get.

I love to watch you skateboard. When I see your joy, I want more of that for you. I feel the freedom for both of us in being free to express who we are.

I love…

In the morning we OM before leaving for the airport. It is cold in the room so he shows me the Hamburg wrap. He covers me in blankets so that only my pussy is exposed. All he needs is access to my clitoris. I am wrapped up like a blanket mummy.

Him: I am going to step over you now. (He positions himself in the “nest”)

Safe ports me with, I’m going to touch your thighs with grounding pressure.

Me: Yes. Thank you.

He does the noticing step describing my pussy with neutral language of shape and texture and color.

Him: I notice your left labia touching your right labia. I see a light pink on the edge of the labia. Your clit is hidden under the hood.

I can feel myself getting warm and feeling connected. I can feel my vigilance center lowering. I am relaxing.

Him: I’m going to touch your pussy now.

Me: Yes. Thank you.

He puts gloves on. Dips his index finger and thumb into the beeswax lube.

Him: I am going to touch you now.

Me: Yes

He starts with a slow lube stroke making his way from the introitus to the clitoris. He begins with a light, slow stroke. Barely touching my clitoris. Short strokes. Up, down, up, down. A slow rhythm.

I feel a slow buzz of electricity in my forehead and my thighs. I can feel the welling of tears. One tear slowly falls down my cheek. I let him know I am going to cry.

Him: Thank you.

The sobs begin to shake my chest and rock my chest up and down. I sob out all of the emotion that was in my body from being in Immersion (the coaching leadership program) and sobbing out the sadness of Axel going back to Germany and me going back to Los Angeles and all of the joy and pain of the week. Sobbed out all of the energy that I picked up in the room at Immersion. Sobbed out all of the pain of leaving my children with my husband for two weeks when we divorced twenty-five years ago. I am sobbing the present and the past. I sob about Germany and feel the sadness in the Youtube video we had watched earlier that morning. The sobs begin to slow.

The two minute bell rings.

Axel begins the downstrokes to finish the OM and ground us both.

I take deep breaths and let my tears come to a gentle completion.

The final bell rings.

Him: I am going to apply pressure now. Up or down?

Me: Push up towards my head.

He applies pressure to my pussy with both hands. Grounding all of the emotion and swelling in my pussy.

Axel picks up the washcloth.

Him: I am going to do the towel stroke now.

Me: Thank you.

He does one slow wipe on my pussy removing the lube.

He removes his gloves and helps me sit up.

We share frames.

Him: There was a moment when I felt heat in my chest and a thumping pressure in my heart.

Me: Thank you.

Me: There was a moment when I felt a wave of sadness in my heart and a cracking in my upper back.

Him: Thank you.

We put away the blankets and pillows. I put my pants on. We both pause and look at each other. Moving closer we embrace and hug. I tell him I am so sad that he is going back to Germany. He brushes my hair away from my eyes and says, I know. He kisses me on the forehead. Hugs me tight.

We move towards our suitcases. Finish Packing.

Time to go to the airport.

*****

If you would like to watch an Introduction to OM Video, click on the link. OM is Orgasmic Meditation. https://youtu.be/pYohBt5AVmA

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Relationships

Spiritual Growth: Learning through Intimate Relationships

Posted on December 19, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 80 of 100 days of Blogging

Miracle Message #85: Let your intimate relationships be your greatest learning devices for spiritual growth and healing. #MiracleNow ~Gabrielle Bernstein

A Series of Blog Posts:

Intimacy Research Background:

We set up a Google document. We Face timed. We texted. And once a month, we met in person in San Francisco. He flew in from Germany. I flew from New York. We created an experience.

*****

Month 2 (October 2013):

Already in the first 48 hours, I had cried several times and said, “Fuck you, Axel.” His idea of trying to find things to say to me that would emotionally whack me on purpose had reached a boiling point inside of me. He wanted to increase the sensations for our research. I had processed, cried, asked him why he thought he needed to be mean on purpose, was he trying to make me jealous? Wouldn’t there be natural opportunities for that? It felt like bullying to me. As we approached the 48 hour mark and I knew we were going to be sleeping in different locations for the next 4 nights, I left in a fury without saying good-bye or “see you tomorrow”.

I just left.

As I rolled my suitcase down the steep San Francisco hill towards the BART, (the metro system in San Francisco) I was fuming and also feeling relief from the compression between us. I was feeling free again. People may think intimacy research is fun. This was one of the kick ass, button pushing, emotion triggering, different perspective moments that are always a part of human relationship research.

The first 48 hours had many fun moments. We met at the International Flight Arrival Gate at SFO, and made our way to the BART and the private room at the hostel. After OMing, (Orgasmic Mediation), and a nap to try to help him re-calibrate from Central European time zone to West Coast time zone, we ran through the streets of San Francisco exploring and laughing. Running up and down the escalators in Bloomingdale’s like two school kids, looking for the underwear he likes that he can’t get in Germany. Stopping on the street to be videotaped by a few young filmmakers. Discovering a great Thai Restaurant for dinner. Both of us talking non-stop.

It was great until I got triggered and whacked emotionally, one too many times. When I got closer to the BART I stopped on the corner realizing he might not know where his suitcase was in the hostel. I had moved it to the front desk without telling him. I pulled out my phone, called him and told him about the suitcase. He said, “Where are you?”

Me: I left.

Him: You left?!? How could you leave without saying Good-bye? After all we have meant to each other?

Me: I got whacked too many times. I can’t take anymore right now.

Him: Where are you?

I tell him the location of the corner.

Him: Don’t move. I am coming to you right now.

I wait on the corner. Not sure if I want to see him. Feeling a little turned on that he was so upset. It feels like he really cares about me. Beneath his anger, I can feel something else in his voice…vulnerability? tenderness?

I look up the hill and in the fashion of Richard Gere in Pretty Woman when he comes to sweep Julia Roberts off her feet in a limousine, except my version is Axel in converse sneakers on a skateboard, flying down the steep hill. He arrives at the corner with a swift stop. Swoops me into his arms, pulling me close and breathlessly says, “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t leave like that!” He is trembling and out of breath.

His head is buried in my hair and neck. His arms are wrapped around me tightly, not letting go. We hold each other for a few minutes. Breathless. Teary. Exhausted. In this embrace, we begin to talk back and forth slowly, almost whispering our answers. He wants to know what happened. I share my feelings with my face pressed into his hair. My lips brushing his neck as I speak. His hand on the back of my neck holding my face close to his neck. His lips brushing against my hair as he speaks. We are so close. Holding on for dear life. Staying connected.

This is research with real feelings. This is intense.

He says he didn’t know I was so upset. He thought I was expressing my feelings and was okay. We add in more communication tools. Green, yellow, red. Green means all is well. Yellow is I am uncomfortable but willing to stay connected and learn. Red is I am ready for flight, fight, freeze. I am falling apart.

I was in “red.” How do we let each other know that we are in “red” and to stop the teasing, emotional challenging, and back off. How do we learn to recognize it in the moment?

Do check-ins throughout the day. Stop and listen to each other. We also add in “safe porting.” Letting each other know we are going to do something before we do it. Create more safety in the space.

This was painful and powerful. As we end the first two days of deeper intimacy, I can feel a breakthrough. I can feel deeper communication. I can feel the power of going through this step by step. Noticing patterns. Making changes. Feeling all the feelings. And seeing into the soul of another person.

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Posted in Relationships

Orgasmic Meditation: Why I OM- Part 2

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 79 of 100 days of Blogging

Health benefits are one of the reasons I OM. Physical and Emotional. After spending last week in New York and OMing every day again, I became even more aware of it. Things like singing all the time. Singing is one of the things I do when I am most connected to my self and I am happy. I was singing out loud as I walked through the streets of New York.

Some of the things I have noticed over the last three years of practicing OM:

*More energy

*Better sleep

*Happier

*Grounded

*Feeling Connected to people everywhere

*Healthy weight for my body

*More clarity when I want to speak in a group

*Ability to hold a wider range of emotions and feelings, which leads to…

*Easier to witness another person’s pain and process without needing to fix anything, which leads to…

*Better relationships with family and friends and the strength and ability to coach and lead my business.

Below are some of the benefits reported by other practitioners of OM.

If you are interested in learning how to OM, go to this link for the most up to date classes in Washington, DC

Practitioners of OM Have Reported The Following Benefits:

Increases Overall Vitality. It lights you up from the inside out.
Increases Overall TurnON. When you’re TurnedON, things flow.
Increases Energy. There’s a well of energy that lives inside of you.
Increases libido. You’ll want sex more.
Reduces stress & irritability.
Increases ability to feel and know desire. You’ll be clear on what you want.
Lengthens orgasmic pleasure during intercourse. Yes, that “Place” extends.
Increases confidence with your body & in the bedroom.
Gain skills of concentration & attention.
Addresses chronic dissatisfaction. TurnON alters dissatisfaction.
Increases intimacy with your partner. OM creates more communication.
You will communicate better & feel more connected.

Source: http://onetaste.us/what-is-om/

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Orgasmic Meditation: Why I OM

Posted on December 10, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 71 of 100 days of Blogging

I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a (wo)man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a (wo)man? ~Zhuangzi

My adventure with Orgasmic Meditation has been just like that. The 15 minute partnered practice has awakened parts of me that have been asleep. Through the light, gentle stroking of my clitoris, I wonder sometimes if I am the woman or the butterfly or dreaming. It is a powerful practice. For those of us who have been doing it for 3 years, 5 years, 10 years… it still feels weird sometimes.

What is OM Blogpost

January 19, 2013:

My first OM felt like I was home, like I had been waiting for this all my life. I know that women talk a lot about the vulnerability of taking off their pants and getting into the nest for the first time. I still feel that sometimes. The first time, it felt a little clinical. Fifteen years earlier, I taught 500 medical students how to do the pelvic exam and breast exam. Sitting in the exam room as a patient, I gave them the verbal overview of details, then using my body I taught them step by step how to touch and examine the patient. I did that for five years in 1998-2003 at Johns Hopkins University. So, taking off my pants with a stranger felt natural.

As soon as the stroker sat in the nest for our first OM, I had a feeling that we could heal relationships between women and men on the entire planet, just by sitting in the nest and connecting. Throughout the first OM, my clitoris was numb. I was aware of tingling on my forehead and heat in my chest. With no sex or touch for 8 years since my husband died, this light stroking was uncovering, polishing and waking up sensation.

A few weeks later, in the 12th OM, I felt sexual and wanted to have sex with the guy. We had a mental connection and then the physical desire startled and freaked me out. I decided to OM for 50 times, then 100 times before I would even think about having sex with anyone. I wanted to explore the range of sensations that were possible and to let go of any feeling of commerce. (Commerce as in… You did this to me. Now, I do something to you or for you.) After 8 months of OMing, the desire to have sex was so strong I connected with a partner and then an intimacy research partner. Connecting to what I wanted. Not what I thought I should or shouldn’t want.

I began my practice consciously and deliberately. Journaling. Noticing feelings. OMing mainly in circles and in organized groups in Los Angeles. During the first Introduction to Orgasmic Meditation class, I set an intention that I would live in an OM house, a place where people share housing, live in community with “normal” lives and have a morning practice together. When the first house was organized in Venice, CA in June 2013, I was one of the residents. For one year, I had the experience of having a morning practice and running my on-line business out of the house. I took classes, traveled for business and pleasure, learned to live in an ever changing community with a wide range of ages and I discovered more of who I am. #grateful

When I reached 1000 OMs in September 2015, I decided to begin again. Let go of what I think I know about this OM practice and go deeper. Wipe the slate clean. Open myself to a new experience. I committed to being part of core leadership in DC. Keith Byrd is the owner of the OneTaste affiliate and he has welcomed me to co-teach the Intro To OM classes with him. We taught 8 new people in DC last weekend!

To go deeper in my practice, I reserved a room at the Brooklyn, New York OM House Dec 10-17 to immerse myself in OM community living and conversations, daily OMing, and Meet-up events for a week. I am ready to peel away another layer and discover more of me. Opening to the mystery of what is possible. Knowing that OM may seem like a strange journey at times and knowing that it has unlocked things in me that thirty years of deep personal growth work had only touched the tip. OMing goes right into layers of the body and unlocks blocked emotions, uncovers desire and frees me to be me!

To the adventure!

**********

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Feminism: Awareness is the First Key to Change

Posted on December 7, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 68 of 100 days of Blogging

A friend of mine, a man, shared a post in a Facebook community of men and women who are exploring the new masculine. His post began by stating how his knowledge of feminism has increased 1,000 fold in the last few weeks. He decided to learn more about the feminist movement and do some research about what rights (money, property, marital and more) women have received since he was born almost 50 years ago.

Women were not allowed to take out a business loan without having a male relative cosign until 1988! Think about how that impacted women and what they would believe about their ability to start a business or be a business woman. They needed a male relative to cosign for them. Think about how men would be conditioned to think that women were incompetent to run a business without the support of a man.

I was eight years out of college at that time, working as a Project Manager in Epidemiological Research at Johns Hopkins and the mother of two daughters. And if I had wanted to start a business, I would have needed my father or another male relative to cosign on the loan!

My friend who posted this information has a new awareness and is awakening to the male privilege he didn’t even realize he had. He wants to take more responsibility for his role in the perpetuation of old standards and he is asking questions so he can change his perspective and learn how to support his teenage daughter as she grows into her power as a woman.

After reading his post, I wrote this comment.

Your words really stirred something in me. My whole body was buzzing as I tried to sleep last night. First, thank you for posting. I know I have so many layers of feelings. I feel like I could write a book in response to your question about asking women to share the hate they feel towards men.

For now, I will begin with this. I was born in 1956. I know you asked women to express the hate they have towards men. More than hate, I would say that I feared men. My mom stayed at home and we depended on my dad for our survival needs. Food, shelter, clothing. We were taught to behave and be quiet when he was home because it was his castle and his money. The message I received was to be good and quiet and not to upset him. Many experiences reinforced that message and that was enough to anchor the childhood fear and teach me to go underground with my voice.

One of the ways I have worked on healing this personally and in my work with women is to look at how the history of not being able to own property or have our own bank accounts is in our lineage. Women were property still ripples into our relationships with women in the form of competition for a man. It is the gossipy, back biting, passive-aggressive communication when women feel they have no voice. As much as men, that has involved healing with women first and building trust in our relationships. Understanding the roots of our lineage and the changes that have been taking place step by step and how we still are in a process of changing that old conditioning.

One of the ways I have healed is by practicing Orgasmic Meditation (OM) for 3 years and by living in an OM community with men and women for one year. I see men in a new light. I have a lot less fear and increased love and compassion. Both Robert Kandell and Ken Blackman, the leaders in this secret Facebook group and two of my teachers in the OM community were instrumental in me learning how to tap into more of my power by supporting me in claiming my personal power, owning my desires and breaking through to reach into the power of my sexuality. That is where I have the deepest desire for living life fully and the “nice” girl had to move to the side. In this OM practice, everything changed. The way I run my business, my writing, the claiming of my sexuality and power.

As for my daughters who are now 32, 30, and 22, I have worked with educating, changing patterns, encouraging their voices, and teaching them how to connect with men. The process of changing my own interactions and focusing on my personal growth began when they were born. I taught them to listen, to speak, to stand up for what they believe in. Leaving my husband in 1987 and breaking that pattern of accepting abuse was the way I demonstrated for them. Things are shifting. New legislation is one thing. Changing the mindset and re-callibrating to that change can take a generation or two.

When I was about to graduate high school in 1975, my mother told me I could do or be anything. Saying that and modeling it or providing guidance for that was another thing. It was assumed I would go to college but I received zero guidance for that and there was still the expectation that I would find a husband in college. I got married. Worked full time. Gave birth to two daughters. Maintained the home. Cooked, cleaned, found child care. Took off from work when my kids were sick. It was insane. Now my oldest daughter is married and has a two year old. She wants her husband to help more at home. They run a business together. I can see that some progress has been made in expecting they both take care of their child and I also see the brunt of the home stuff falls on my daughter. Now, I am her coach. I have been teaching her to specifically ask for what she needs on a daily basis with her husband and I can see the shifting for the next generation. More communication. More teamwork in a marriage. More connection. Her generation will take it to the next level and so on…

What are your thoughts about feminism? What are your thoughts about the changing roles for men and women? Please share your voice in the comment section.

**********

Posted in Transformation

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #26-#32

Posted on December 5, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 66 of 100 Days of Blogging

This is the 6th Blogpost in a series.

Tips #1-#5 are here

Tips #6-#10 are here

Tips #11-#15 are here

Tips #16-#21 are here.

Tips #22-25 are here.

*****

I have been working with a group of coaches in the Washington, DC area to teach Orgasmic Meditation classes, lead TurnOns and start a Women’s Circle to talk about OMing, sexuality and relationships. While researching some information, I found a Facebook page called the OM report where a male practitioner shared some tips for women who were beginning to OM. Lots of great reminders for the men, too.

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. OM is a practice between two people that has no goal except to feel what is happening in the moment. Connection. Sensation. Simplicity. Attention.

A frame is a moment in time during your OM, when you felt a physical sensation in your body. This includes temperature, texture, motion, pressure, color, and speed. Sharing a frame is a way to anchor the experience of the OM and the connection. One moment. Focusing on what is present vs what is not.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New Female OMers #26: Learn to talk – directly – to your pussy. Ask it (her) straight questions. “Well … did you like that?” “Do you trust him?” Build a relationship with your pussy. Tell it the truth. Keep it safe. Honor it. It will tell you an *amazing* amount of useful info … if you show up as someone that it can trust. And if it doesn’t trust you … work to repair your connection, just as you would with a valued person you were on the outs with.

Notes from Andrea: I trust my pussy to lead me. She is always revealing new things to me. Sometimes I have an answer and understanding about what my pussy is telling me and sometimes there is a sensation or feeling and the answer comes to me days later. I follow her lead and continue to learn new things about her.

What are you noticing about your relationship in trusting your pussy?

Tips for New Female OMers #27: Don’t dress up or put on makeup for the OM / stroker. Part of the practice is leaving everything extra, everything we use to ‘influence’ or ‘game’ the connection we have with other people by the wayside. You just have to show up on time, as is, with your magnificent pussy and receive the tacit approval of having your pussy stroked. No ‘owe-sies’ … no ‘horsetrading’ (“how about an OM for a BJ?”) … no having to negotiate or barter for physical connection.

Notes from Andrea: This one cracked me up because morning practice in LA usually meant rolling out of bed and walking up the stairs and getting into the nest. No one even brushed their teeth. Funny!

Good point from Alutha. You do not have to wear “sexy” clothing or have your hair and makeup perfect for the OM. There are stages in this practice where you may think of this as dating and you are choosing people who you have a sexual attraction to on the outside so you think you have to be something for your OM partner.

Many times, the most potent OM is with the person you are least attracted to physically on the outside. Just get in the nest and OM!

Cleanliness is great. Anything else is extra.

Tips for New OMers #28: “Yes means yes. No means no. No answer means no.” Either partner can ask for an OM. A ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is the only response needed. A woman (or man) owes their partner no explanation … if they give a ‘no.’ None. It *may* be useful to provide more info regards to giving feedback around your decision process / criteria – AND it is *not* required. BTW … if no answer is forthcoming, and you asked clearly, “Would you like to OM?” … and didn’t mumble … take the hint. No answer … means ‘no.’ Don’t badger them. Get coaching from an OM Coach or experienced OMer that you trust around asking for OMs or how you present yourself … if you have concerns about either.

Notes from Andrea: If someone asks me to OM and I have a partner for a circle already, I will say Thank you and please ask me again. Or Thanks for asking, I have partners for the OM circle today. If I have a regular OM partner who I “in-home OM” with and I have decided not to OM with them on a regular basis anymore, I feel it is a courtesy to tell them and share why. If I felt I couldn’t do that on my own, I would ask a community member to mediate a conversation. (Of course, there are different situations and sometimes you just want a break. It is a feeling without a reason.)And like Alutha said, Do you want to OM? A yes or a no is the only response you need to give. It is a part of the OM.

Tips for New OMers #29:

The OM Container matters. And everyone you OM with is being trained in *how* to meet – and respect – a woman. Leave your partner a better stroker then you found them. No poaching in the container (by either of you) … for hugs, kisses, or ‘makeouts.’ The hugs is a big one for west coasters. Do not hug in the nest! It trains the body that if one person *doesn’t* want to hug … something is wrong. THEN it gets ‘tacked’ on to an OM – unnecessarily. Some women have angry OMs… OMs where a lot of fury gets dredged up and ‘metabolized.’ The *last* thing they want after the OM is a hug from their stroker. So, no hugs.

Notes from Andrea: To really get the benefits of OM as a practice, the container is vital to a solid practice. It is important for both strokee and stroker to hold it.

OMing and Sex are 2 different things. If I was going over to someone’s house to have sex, I am all about the adventure. Turn on the music, feed me fruit, lingerie is fun, I will have sex in every room of the house and outside (I love nature!), and on every counter. Follow the sensation and let it take us wherever we both want to go. I love the simplicity of slow, connected sex and bells and whistles are fun.

OM: Keep the nest exactly the same way every time!!!

My vigilance is on heightened alert at even the slightest change. Do not change the location of the pillow. Do not add smells and sounds. As soon as you ask me to OM, the OM begins. And wherever we are going to go is already stirring before I arrive.

The longer you OM, the wider the range and the deeper you can go and the more you can feel and have some idea of what is going to happen in this goal-less practice.

Our OMs may be boring for weeks and that is only preparation for a breakthrough OM where one of us is going to sob for 15 minutes or get in touch with old anger from childhood and release it through my pussy. This is not sex! It is a consciousness practice!! And it is a potent source of power. Don’t mess with the container!

So…I have some strong feelings about this, right? And the main reason is that our OM partnership will end (or maybe I will OM in circle with you) because I can not trust that you will honor the container. I can not trust that I have a safe space to crack open because you have another desire, want or need that you are trying to convey by messing with the nest and I can FEEL it!

And strokees…every time you go along with the adventurous stroker and encourage or accept the breaking of the container, you have messed it up for every strokee who comes after you. If you are going to do that, just have sex with him!

I know it is hard. I feel like a bitch when I have to keep adjusting a stroker about the container. And I don’t want to do it after awhile so I will turn my attention to someone else who wants to OM and keep the container and OM as a practice. It is that vital to my life. Respect the container. Respect the OM. Keep the practice clean.

One more feeling: None of us knows a person’s whole story. You do not know about my history with men or abuse or trauma or trust violation. I need the OM container to peel away layers and reach a place of power that is accessible to all of us in the OM. And if you can’t keep it and you subtly try to add in stuff, I won’t OM with you. I can’t OM with you. My pussy will not allow it.

Okay…now I can breathe again!

Tips for Female New OMers #30: Make sure your partner knows to signal that they have heard – and understood – your requests during the OM … by replying simply, “thank you.” If any stroker refuses to acknowledge your requests … or declines to follow basic, doable requests … toss them back in the pool. They need more training. (Strokers … especially new ones … will get lost easily, and may have difficulty keeping up with requests. I am talking about someone who is aggressively “topping” a woman … someone who has decided they ‘know better’ …then the woman.)

Notes from Andrea: Making requests was really hard for me at first. Partly because I didn’t know what to ask for. I was out of touch with my pussy and any touch just felt good. At the time, LA had an advanced OM course that is like the OM Practice Club (OPC) now. They were giving us more ideas of what to ask for in a request. Exploring the language. At the next OM Circle, I tried asking for an adjustment and the stroker got mad at me. He tried to analyze what he was doing wrong and why I asked for the adjustment. At the time, I didn’t understand why he was mad at me. Now, I see it every once in awhile. It feels like the old conditioning that a man is supposed to know what to do and take the lead in sexuality. It is part of the unraveling we are doing.

It is important for women to ask for adjustments and it is important for men to relax and receive the adjustment. We are unraveling this piece together.

What is your experience?

Tips for New OMers #31: After the OM is complete, share 2 sensory-based frames (“shares”). Stay out of metaphor. This is training to connect “clean” language to your body’s experience. “Clean” language means it is based strictly in the language of your senses … brightness, jolts, heat / coolness, light touch / throbbing … and *not* the language we use to influence or ‘game’ another person to ‘like’ us (“… it was heavenly, Barbara! … will you date me now?”) For more *optional* complex reports / processing … keep it out of the nest … and decidedly post-OM – and mutually consensual. Women have dumped strokers who have insisted on 30-minute post-OM “processing” sessions. “15 minutes, baby. I have a life.” (Use your journal for processing and notetaking. Make ‘process dates’ with other OMers (especially other women) … to compare notes.)

Notes from Andrea: Finding descriptive words for frames takes practice. Most of us do not spend time describing a sensation in our body. In the beginning, you might want to describe it as the heavens opened up and I saw God, or I felt like I was in Egypt in another life or it felt good. Those are not frames.

Examples of frames:

There was a moment when I felt a buzzing in my chest and a ripple of heat went down my left arm.

There was a moment when I felt tingling on the top of my head.

There was a moment when my finger touched the skin on your leg and I felt a puff of heat.

There was a moment when I felt prickly shards of glass in my clit.

Take your time. Practice. Less is more.

Also, the post OM processing sessions, many times in the DC area, it takes me an hour to get to someone’s house. So, two hours of driving and an hour for OMing is already a 3 hour commitment. I prefer to limit the processing and let the experience be the connection. When you are really focused in the OM, you know everything you need to know about me. My pussy is speaking to you. For an ongoing, regular practice, keep it to OMing. If you want more processing time, come to Saturday night TurnOn and go out to dinner with the group afterwards.

Tips for New OMers #32: Last … have every new / existing stroker you partner with read this OM Report list. Get a firm thumbs up on *all* of the items. If they waver on one … find out which and discuss it. Bring an OM coach / experienced OMer you trust in to referee … on disputed points.

Generally … the person with the pussy holds the tie-breaker.

OM REPORT by ALUTHA J.

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

**********

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

The Female Orgasm is a Mystery…or is it?

Posted on December 1, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 62 of 100 days of Blogging

Elizabeth Plank explored a topic: What men need to know about the female orgasm. Video posted on Mic today and it has already been viewed over 333,000 times. It must be a topic we are interested in exploring. 🙂

The 4 minute video explores female “orgasm” with an interview and demonstration of Orgasmic Meditation. (OM)

OM is a consciousness practice that involves light stroking of the clitoris for 15 minutes. In OM, Orgasm is defined as 8 stages…climax, resolution, restoration, turn on, peaking, excitement, plateau and stillness. In the 15 minute container, both the stroker and the strokee experience sensations without being goal oriented. You may feel one stage or several or all eight. The stroker learns to follow the sensations from the woman’s pussy and to receive or offer adjustments.

Watch the video and let me know what you think. Post in the comments.

What men need to know about the female orgasmMen say the female orgasm is a mystery — so we asked women to solve it for them.

Posted by Mic on Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Keith Byrd and I are teaching Intro to OM on Saturday, December 5.
JOIN us!

http://www.meetup.com/TurnOn-WashingtonDC…/events/224416020/

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Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #22-25

Posted on November 28, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 59 of 100 days of Blogging

This is the 5th Blogpost in a series.

Tips #1-#5 are here

Tips #6-#10 are here

Tips #11-#15 are here

Tips #16-#21 are here.

*****

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New OMers #22: If you have scent allergies … safeport your stroker. Experienced strokers know to dial back or eliminate artificial perfumes / aftershave. They can overwhelm a woman or distract her. And more significantly (for some strokers) they block the stroker’s ability to pick up subtle shifts in a woman’s scent. The nose knows when a pussy secretes.

Tips for New OMers #23: Every fluid and scent combo imaginable will be discharged unexpectedly during an OM of yours if you OM long enough. It’s all you. Be proud. It’s part of your orgasm. Safeport if you feel compelled to … but no apologies during the OM. You don’t have to “behave yourself” during your OM. Let ‘er rip.

Notes from Andrea: All I have to say is Yes. Communicate when you have scent allergies and anything else.

Tips for New OMers #24: Newbie women often have unconscious “display-of-orgasm” markers that they have adopted along the way, prior to OM. Moaning, “oh-god’s,” pelvic thrusts / movements … may all arise during a newbie’s early OMs. That’s ok. Eventually you will learn to relax your hips … and ask your stroker to adjust their stroke – instead of moving your hips to do it for them. Ditto with the vocalizations … they are unnecessary and have often been adopted as a [primitive] way of signaling a lover that they are “doing good.” Your stroker doesn’t need those … so, relax. A stroker learns to sense minute shifts in their partner’s (that would be you) physiology … swelling of pussy tissue, micro contractions, changes in temperature. Sounds … designed to spur a partner on … are overkill … and a distraction.

Notes from Andrea:

In the beginning, I moaned and vocalized for him. I still notice it once in awhile. Old conditioning and ego stroking. The transition from vocalizing for him and vocalizing for me was when I noticed I had a feeling or emotion and I wanted to express it through my voice just for me. Crying. Softly and Loudly. Yelling Fuck YOU into the room after feeling a wave of anger. Asking for adjustments. OM is a practice and using our voice is a part of that practice. I let my voice make sounds whenever I want to now and even deep breathing or panting, when it feels natural to do it for myself. I am also silent during some OMs. I feel the sensations and the process more is more internal. A stroker who is focused on my body will feel the body response. My voice is not necessary.

One more layer. When I climaxed in an OM in October, I had to ask my partner if I made any noise because I had no awareness of it. I was so tuned into the sensation in my body that I felt like we were all alone instead of in a room with 6 nests. I couldn’t hear anyone. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was in a total experience of involuntary and sensation. I am curious about this next layer. To be so connected to the sensation…

Tips for New Female OMers #25: Every woman’s pussy is perfect. And they are all different. If you have a pussy that strokers find challenging (first … remember your pussy is perfect) … learn with them. “My clit likes to play hide and seek in the beginning…” “My hood needs to be pulled back more then most …” etc. Bring approval to your magnificent pussy then help your stroker meet your needs. **As long as you safeport your partner … it is fine to have a pussy orientation session (introitus, clit, hood, …), pre-OM – under your explicit guidance. Let your partner know exactly how you want it to go. No wandering fingers. Change gloves at the end of the exploration session.**

Notes from Andrea: I had OMed a couple of hundred times before I had a session with Ken Blackman in the OM House in Venice, CA. He OMed with all four of the women who lived there. Then he taught the strokers a “resonant” stroke for the house. We were the center of the community and regular OMing was important for the limbic system. Connection and release. As he coached the strokers with each strokee, this was the first time I ever heard someone say my clit liked to hide. All of the strokers nodded. They all knew it but had never said that in the noticing step of the OM. I have learned so much about my pussy from strokers who use the noticing step and have described my pussy to me.

For those of you who don’t know Ken, he was Nicole Daedone’s stroker and lived in the warehouse, a place where OM was researched. When I met him, Ken was called a Master Stroker and he is an amazing stroker “musician” with 10,000+ hours of expertise. He has fine tuned the art of stroking.

What is your experience with a woman’s pussy? Strokees and Strokers

One more posting of tips…next week #26-#32!

*****

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

Reclaiming Personal Power: I am a Work of Art

Posted on November 23, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 54 of 100 days of Blogging

A few years ago, I was renting a car at a rental agency when the man behind the counter began to flirt with me. It was overt and so obvious, it took me surprise.He leaned across the counter and with a sultry, flirty voice said, “Your husband must be so happy coming home to you every night.”

Me: (nervous laughter) I don’t have a husband. He died.

Him: “Well, Your boyfriend must be so happy coming home to you every night.”

Me: (nervous laughter) I don’t have a boyfriend.

Me: Okay, that’s it. Could you get the car, please?

He shrugged and went outside to get the car. Handed me the keys and I was out of there.

In the car, I was still nervously laughing and at the same time I felt like I had been slimed. I was so caught off guard. Not “off my game” because I had no “game.” I had been a widow for eight years, and in monogamous relationships for most of my adult life. Normally when I was renting a car, I had my kids with me. I hadn’t experienced that kind of flirting for a long time.

So, here is this man totally coming on to me. Overtly flirting and licking his lips every time he spoke to me. Me with my vigilance up and nervous laughing and finally in the car feeling like What! I can not believe this man was being so weird and flirty and unprofessional with me.

When I returned the car a few days later, he was there again and I decided to claim my power. I was wearing baggy clothes, had messed up hair, no make-up and still he starts flirting. As he got into the car to check the mileage, he looked me up and down. I thought to myself, don’t let him shut you down. I silently declared, I am a work of Art and he is in full appreciation of me.

While sitting in the car and me standing in full view, he gave me another slow, slow long look.

Starting at my feet, moving up through my legs, knees, thighs, pausing on my pussy, he licked his lips. Continuing up my body, he looked at my breasts, licked his lips again, kept moving until his eyes met mine. I stayed open energetically and physically, kept his gaze and said, “So what is your desire?”

He looked away and mumbled, “I want to rub your feet.”

Haha! Funny.

I kept my body open. I was in a safe place. Daylight. I claimed my space. No shriveling this time.

I invited him to a Onetaste event in Downtown LA. I did not desire him. I desired to stay fully in my power, my sexuality and this “inappropriate and unprofessional” man was not going to diminish me. I challenged him to actually connect, to stop playing this game of intimidation and take action.

I gave him the organizer’s email address to RSVP to the event. When the organizer told me he sent the RSVP, I thought, Oh, no! Well, there would be 100 people there and I would introduce him as the guy from the rental agency. If he had a desire for connection, there were many women at this event. He would have been embraced if he wanted to join the community, learn to OM and to grow into his true desire. He did not show up. Or if he did, I didn’t see him.

This man was a gift to me. I had an aversion to him. He was creepy. I was not physically attracted to him. A few months later, I did a talk at a Women’s Conference about claiming the essence of our sexuality, connected to personal power and money generating. I made $1000 that day. I started working with more clients. That interaction changed me.

It expanded me as a person and uncovered more of my personal power and desire.

*Note: Aversion to me means that someone feels like sandpaper to me. It can be a trigger. They can feel uncomfortable, creepy. I can feel unsafe. It is an opportunity to look at my shadow, set boundaries, explore my desire. Aversion is a feeling to me and the person is a gift to what I can learn and feel and expand within myself.

It’s all about me, baby. The good, the bad and the ugly. My personal growth.

I am using it all!

**********

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

OM Report: Tips for New OMers (Orgasmic Meditation) #16-#21

Posted on November 21, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 52 of 100 days of Blogging

This is the 4th Blogpost in a series.

Tips #1-#5 are here

Tips #6-#10 are here

Tips #11-#15 are here

*****

https://www.facebook.com/theOMreport/posts/889705337783872

In the next few blogs, I have broken down the tips with some personal comments from my experiences with OMing for 3 years.

Some of the tips are for all OMers, some are for women, some are for monogamous OMing, some are for multiple partner OMer. As the saying goes, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”

I have OMed monogamously and with multiple partners. My additional comments refer to both experiences.

Tips for New OMers #16: When discussing your OMs with others … anonymize your partners: “my stroker moved his finger ____.” Don’t say their name. People’s need for privacy / security may fluctuate greatly. Remember … they are your stroker … not your boyfriend / girlfriend. Social circles intersect these days in surprising ways.

Notes from Andrea: Guilty! This was one of the wires I had to uncross. Looking back, it was the ego stroking and it was commerce. My ecstatic gratitude to be touched and receive the attention, even when the OMs really felt meditative and not sexual, I was thanking my strokers, by name, all over the OM Hub (which was on Facebook at the time) And I wasn’t the only one. We were all high on Orgasm and we wanted to love each other up! So…remember that everyone has different privacy needs and this is not dating and keep it simple. You can share your experience in an OM, just no posting names and nothing that identifies the OM partner.

Tips for New Female OMers #17: Keep and use your own lube. Keep track of where it is … and how it is handled. No double-dipping – avoid yeast infections.

Tips for New Female OMers #18: If your period comes, and you wish to OM … OM. Safeport your partner. Some newbie strokers may be squeamish … it is an archaic cultural thing. Respect their right range … if they pass on OMing … it won’t be about you. Every experienced (100+) strokers I know have *no* problem with stroking women during their period. Women on their flow often have “energetic release” OMs … and it may help some women alleviate cramps. Depending on flow … consider using a larger towel. Menses is part of having a pussy … celebrate it!

Notes from Andrea: On lube: Do you remember Biology class and growing cultures from the germs on your hands. Have your own lube. Ask the stroker to wear gloves. And if you are OMing in a monogamous relationship without gloves, have your partner use something to take some lube out of the jar. Another tip on lube: I like OneTaste Lube because it has beeswax and it helps the stroker get a better connection on the clit. I have used coconut oil and a sex lube. They were both too slippery (I tried all three lubes as a stroker, too and I prefer the OneTaste lube.)

On the period tips: It is so true. I have never heard a stroker say No to OM with a woman who is menstruating. Extra towels sometimes. Do what feels right to you and safeport your partner.

One more tip: If a woman has a tampon in and the string is hanging out, there is no reason to say anything about it, unless it affects you in some way. Like you want to safeport her that the string was moved during the towel stroke.

Tips for New Female OMers #19: OneTaste (for marketing purposes) went through a phase where they didn’t mention using gloves as an essential element of an OM. This was an unfortunate decision on their part. Gloves are strongly recommended. There are some strokers who haven’t gotten the memo (see the new OT Container doc) … and think they “know best.” For safety and hygiene: have your stroker use gloves. Even in a solitary, committed partnership … like a marriage. Your hubby may have a host of pussy-unfriendly bacteria on his hands on any given day. Use gloves – hygiene is a way to signal respect.

(Note from Andrea: It also separates it as a practice and not sex)

Tips for New Female OMers #20: Know what gloves your pussy likes / dislikes. Keep a stash of your favs on hand – in different sizes … in case a guest stroker comes by.

Tips for New Female OMers #21: Have your stroker always wash his / her hands before OMing starts. And keep those fingernails clipped close and clean.

Notes from Andrea: One of the most powerful things we can change in our communication is more consciousness around our interactions and asking for what we want. Women using their voice. Connecting with men. Consideration for each other.

True confession: I got pregnant at the age of 19 because I was embarrassed to let the “one night stand” I was sleeping with know that I wasn’t on birth control pills and we needed to use a condom. I didn’t want to bother or trouble or inconvenience him. Geez! He was so hot, I put that before taking care of myself. It was a foolish decision and it woke me up and started my personal growth journey. I had an abortion and basically it shook me into: WTF are you doing?!?

Forty years later, the journey with asking a man for what I need and want in the OM nest and in bed are still waking up. It gets easier and easier even when a stroker does not “like” the adjustment I asked for. Using my voice to ask for what I want.

Tips on Gloves: Use gloves, even if you are in a relationship with someone. It keeps OM as a practice and separate from sex. Keep gloves on hand.

Ask your stroker to keep his nails clipped. It is amazing how an unclipped stroking finger can feel like shards of glass on the clit and an unclipped thumb nail can leave an abrasion in the introitus.

Tips #22-#25 next week!

*****

Posted in Orgasmic Meditation

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