New Perspectives Archives

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Experiencing the New Masculine and Feminine Connection

Posted on January 7, 2016 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 99 of 100 days of Blogging

After spending a week with my parents in Florida, I boarded a Southwest Flight back to Baltimore-Washington International Airport with a cup of Starbucks coffee, a backpack and a purse. Walking down the aisle, I looked around to find a seat, noticing a man sitting in the aisle seat with an empty window and middle seat.

I gestured to the window seat and asked if anyone was sitting there. He replied, “No,” and immediately stood up. In the next moment, he asked if I would like him to hold my coffee while I got settled.

Me: Yes, thank you.

Man: Do you have anything to put into the top bin?

Me: Yes, my backpack.

Man: Here, let me do that for you.

Me: Thank you.

As I slid into my window seat, I reached for my coffee and the next wave of support showed up.

Man: I can hold it while you get settled. Take your time. Put on your seat belt. I’m not in a rush.

Me: Thank you.

I could feel the fluttering and increased beating of my heart. This exquisite attention and kindness. I could feel a tinge of pleasure, discomfort and agitation as I let down my guard of independent, powerful woman. Receiving requires a level of vulnerability and intimacy, even with a stranger who is offering to help you. I could have declined help at each step and done it myself. For the experience of connection, I had to be open to receive.

Throughout the flight, the man handled the interactions with the flight attendant by offering me the first snacks, handing me my drink, and at the end of the flight, took my backpack off the rack and placed it in the seat for me.

The man was attentive and kind. It felt really good to receive his generous, no-strings attached offering.

*****

A few years ago, Nicole Daedone, founder of OneTaste brought something to my attention in a course I was taking in New York. As I described an intimate, vulnerable moment with my partner, she used my description to demonstrate to everyone in the class that this is what it looks like when a woman treats a man like a king for giving her 15 minutes of the kind of attention she gives to him all the time.

Ouch! I could feel the sting of humiliation. I shared the intimate experience in class because I felt I had opened to my partner with another level of vulnerability and real connection (which she also acknowledged as a breakthrough for me.) I really let my partner all the way in to my heart and soul. That was the true experience for me.

What was also true is that it brought attention to the fact that when I received even a morsel of time and attention from a man, I would become like the actor playing the role of Oliver in the musical; a half-starved orphan boy who had the courage to ask for more. “Please, sir, may I have a little more?”

Could I please have a little more attention, support, love?

Treating men like kings.

I learned that growing up. Men were to be served and waited on. Even if the women bitched and complained about it sometimes, serving them was the key.

(I know men who grew up with the same thing. Women were the queens and men were here to serve them. My experience is not about dissing men. It is to share my experience that is out of balance.)

After caring for my father who had a stroke a few months ago, noticing how my mom and I were waiting on him, the whole scene felt familiar. Healthy or unhealthy, I was doing the same things for my father. Hovering and waiting on him.

I did the same thing for my first husband who I divorced after ten years. The words that shut me down, “If I do that for you, what else will you want? You are so demanding!”

I began to modify my behavior with my second husband. But, there was still an element of coming to attention when he arrived home. It was a natural pattern for me to take care of men. (He died after we were together for seventeen years. Not from lack of care. 🙂 )

Noticing the feelings I had on the plane woke me up to a new awareness. My world is shifting. The men in my life are attentive and kind just like me. If I had been the person sitting on the aisle seat, I would have offered the same kind assistance. So, why act like this is unusual? It is my new normal!

*****

Walking in the underground metro tunnel in Crystal City, Arlington, Virginia yesterday, I had an experience.

A man was running down the hallway yelling, “Miss, Miss, you dropped your gloves.”

I was walking past a woman and asked, “Did you drop your gloves?”

She stopped and looked down, then turned around and saw the man running towards her. Her face got bright and she smiled. “Thank you!”

The man’s eyes were bright and shiny. He was smiling broadly. “You’re welcome.”

I was giggling and smiling and felt so happy.

The man turned back to his friends. “I love doing things like that!”

Me: I love seeing people doing things like that!

Everyone was smiling and laughing. The sensation of connection and joy was palpable in the tunnel. Now, THAT’S what I’m talking about! All of us noticing, offering support, receiving assistance, awake and aware and alive!

Let’s co-create more of that!

**********

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in Connection

Change and Transition: Give it Time

Posted on January 6, 2016 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 98 of 100 days of Blogging

In August, I had an inner calling to upgrade my life. I could feel that change was in the air but I didn’t know where I was going next. As I began to write about the changes and the uncertainty, I heard comments from other people who said they were going through the same thing. Endings. New beginnings and feeling like it was time to review their lives.

Tuning into the past year as a year of Transition and moving into 2016 as a year of Transformation, I had a thought about an outdated computer system.

Imagine that you decide it is time to upgrade the software on your computer. You commit to going through the process. You look at the options to upgrade the software. Purchase and install the new software. Turn off the computer to reboot it. That begins a new process. It feels fresh and new as you see the new screensaver or icon and you take steps to learn how to use the new features. Some of the old keystrokes are outdated and it takes time to learn the new keystrokes and features. You may even feel sad or revert to old patterns only to find out that your computer will no longer respond to those commands.

I was thinking about an experience a few years ago when I went into some deep, deep pain and transformation around my people pleasing behavior. When I finally reached rock bottom and began to make different choices, my whole body went into a frozen state whenever I tried to people please. I couldn’t do it anymore! My body refused!

*****

While I was visiting my parents in Florida last month after my Dad had a stroke, I noticed how my parents were putting new systems into place in their home. My mother had marked the dials on the Washing Machine and Toaster. The settings they use the most. My Dad’s medications were set out on the shelf. It was so easy for anyone to arrive, slide into the systems and help. My Dad also traded in the first walker for an updated model with a seat and brakes so he could increase the distance of his daily walk.

During my visit, my Dad and I were watching a television program called Animal Misfits, I was fascinated by the adaptation each animal had made to it’s environment. That is what happens at each phase of our lives. Things change and we adapt.

Animal Misfits Link: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/topic/animal-misfits/

One animal is best known for its very slow rate of development. To complete the life cycle from caterpillar to adult moth, it has to go through a process over 7 years:

The Arctic woolly bear moth, is found within the Arctic circle, in Greenland and Canada. It was once estimated that it had a 14-year life cycle from egg to adult moth, with the ability to withstand temperatures below −70°C. Subsequent studies have revised the life cycle duration to be 7 years.

The Arctic woolly bear caterpillars are unique in their combination of adaptations to the polar extremes. They spend nearly 90% of their lives frozen and only about 5% feeding on the tundra during June; the remainder is spent in summer protective cocoons.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gynaephora_groenlandica

It reminded me of how change requires patience, adaptation and time for integration of the new.

In this year of transformation, slow down. Set up new systems. Reboot your life. Adapt to the new system. The transformation is happening.

Just wait and see.

**********

Posted in Transitions

Set An Intention: What is Your Word for 2016

Posted on January 1, 2016 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 93 of 100 days of Blogging

For the past month, I have been thinking and feeling into my word for the year. Choosing a word to set an intention then pointing my arrow of desire in a focused direction is powerful. It is one of the ways I have been preparing for 2016 and Setting My List of Intentions.

My process includes reflecting on last year’s words, reviewing last year’s activities and feeling the energy of the new year. Asking myself questions is another part of the process. What word do I want to hold in my consciousness to lay a path for this year throughout the whole year?

And the winner is…

EXPECTATION:

a belief that someone will or should achieve something. a strong belief that something will happen.

There is something powerful about this word. I can feel the Warrior Goddess in me rising up. I know her well. The Warrior Goddess in me knows how to go deep into the silence and draw from the inner well. She is the woman who throws herself into life. She is all in. She knows how to use her power. She is courageous, curious, joy-filled, determined. She knows how go back inside herself to sit in stillness and listen. She knows how to wait. She knows how to stand on the mountain top and shout her message. She asks for what she wants. She expects things to happen. She has been called crazy and stupid many times. She has followed her bliss anyway.

When I first put this word on my list of possible words for the year, I found myself watering it down. This became part of my process of claiming my word. At first, it felt bold, brazen and egoic. Who am I to use such a big word? It feels like the opposite of how I have been living my life for the last few years. Releasing, letting things fall away, being open to new and unexpected things to emerge. Conscious evolution. Faith. Infinite possibilities. No expectations.

I can feel the shift. It is time to dream bigger, act bolder, put myself out there, take action and draw on all of the cultivating I have done on living in flow with inspiration and flexibility. My ability to actively surrender, make adjustments. Time to expect the Universe to meet me.

This word has so much power, so much energy, so much bigness that I am claiming it AND setting up a foundation of support for the year with a companion word every month. A word that fine tunes and focuses me. A word that will support my word of the year.

Some of the companion words every month will be things like quiet, clarity, nurture, curiosity, wonder, certainty, experimentation, expansion, courage, play, joy, sensuality, faith and trust.

I will be calling in the Archangels, Goddesses, Ascended Master’s. I will meditate. Be willing to wait in the stillness and work with Spirit. I will draw upon life experience, use affirmations:

The Universe loves and supports me.

I ask for what I want and receive it.

I easily access the answers that are inside me.

I have access to tools and resources and people.

The word EXPECTATION is my playmate for the year.

What are your words for 2016? Post in the comments and let me hear your voice.

There is a program launching on March 1 called Carving the Next Path. A 12 week program for women. Join Us!

**********

Posted in Intention

Crossing the Bridge: Change is in the Year

Posted on December 30, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 91 of 100 days of Blogging

It happens every year. December 31 ends one year. January 1 begins a new year. Then we all go through a transition of remembering to write the next year. Writing 2016, instead of 2015. It is part of the transition. It is part of change.

Transition is a part of life. We all have other endings and beginnings every year. Changing jobs. Moving. Deaths. Birth. Rebirth. Sometimes we choose endings and new beginnings. Sometimes we have change thrust upon us and sometimes change is happening that is so subtle we may not have even noticed it was happening.

When I was laid off from a job in 1990, there was a little bit of a warning but it felt like we were just going through a rough patch. I had no idea that our whole department of 20 people was going to be laid off. When it finally happened, I spent a week in disbelief. Then, took a week to sit in the uncertainty of it and did a few things like spend a day walking in silence in Washington, DC. Then, I went on job interviews. I was hired for a short term consulting job and then discovered I was pregnant. My second husband and I would be having our first child. I continued to look for work because I saw myself as a mother with a career. A mother who needed to find the next job. My first two children had been raised in a day care routine when I worked and I assumed the third would be the same.

And then a standard sonagram in month 7 of my pregnancy showed that our child was a son and he had a problem with his heart. With no job, it made sense that I would be the stay at home parent while he was undergoing heart surgeries. I never returned to a full-time job outside of the home. Life changed. New beginnings kept showing up. Nothing was ever the same again. My whole life path and expectation had been altered.

Since the birth and death of my son, I have learned to feel when there is subtle change and early warnings in the air. I have learned through meditation, journal writing, Tai Chi, and other practices that have connected me to my intuition and awakened my “knowing” and trusting “feelings.”

I’ve learned to recognize the subtle patterns that appear when I am moving from an ending to a new beginning. There is a thing called the “in between” space. And when I am there, the recurring pattern gives me a clue.

The typical clues for me:

I feel lost.

I feel like a failure.

I feel like I am letting people down.

I feel like people are mad at me.

I become irritable.

I have a running dialogue of other people’s voices every time I make a move.

When I wake up and realize that something is shifting and change is coming, the next part of the pattern is put into motion.

I start making different choices.

I spend more time in silence and writing.

I become a detective looking for clues in signs, conversations and bubbling desire.

I take baby steps.

I ask more questions.

I turn up the patience quotient and I wait…

So, here we are on the precipice of a new year. Follow the steps and move into the new year with wide, open eyes, and notice what is subtly calling out to you.

Ready…Set…Go!

**********

Posted in Transformation, Transitions

Living with Intent: Frequency Holders

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 83 of 100 days of Blogging

“There are people who are happy doing small things. I call them frequency holders. They are just as important as people who are doing big things. Their purpose is to give full attention to the present moment and to every action and interaction with other human beings ~ to be fully aware even in the smallest interactions. In that way, they also change the world for the better. In our culture, frequency holders aren’t often recognized, but that doesn’t mean they are not important. I was a frequency holder for a long time and still am in many ways.” ~Eckhart Tolle

I was working at a pharmaceutical company in the late 80’s. My official job was computer software trainer. One day, I was training an older woman on how to use the computer and the new operating system. Her hands were shaking and she kept asking me, “Is it okay to press enter? Are you sure? Are you sure?” I continued to hold the space, listen to her concerns, calmly encouraging her to press the key and breathe. Until finally, she would close her eyes, hold her breath and press the key. By the end of the hour session, she was navigating around the site, pressing enter with only a slight hesitation, smiling after each section completion and thanking me profusely for my patience.

Throughout the session, I had a sense that I was doing more than teaching her how to use the software and the computer. I was a just beginning to wake up to the power of presence, the idea that our thoughts create our reality and we could make a difference in the world with moment to moment connection. I was going to Al-Anon, studying A Course in Miracles and reading a variety of self-help books by Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer and Lazarus. The sense and feelings I had during the computer training session were validated and reinforced over the next few weeks. I noticed how something was changing in the older woman’s presence. She seemed to be standing taller, laughing and smiling and engaged more with her co-workers.

I knew that something was happening and I didn’t have the bigger picture until ten years later, another woman from that company contacted me and asked if she could come over to my house for a visit. During that ten year time period, our entire department had been laid off. I remarried, gave birth to two children, lost a son to cancer, survived a serious illness myself and was now building community and homeschooling my children. The woman was now divorced, had a new job, and better health. She asked to see me because she wanted me to know the impact I had on her and the people around me. She wanted to thank me for making a difference in the work environment and how it helped her to make positive changes in her life.

One of the gifts to me that day was to remind me that everywhere we go, we have the power to impact each other positively or negatively.

I have had more moments like this since then when I recognized the power of presence to shift the energy in a household just by being there. I am sure many of you have noticed it in your life, too. The impact a person’s energy has in your environment; either lifting people up or knocking people down.

If you are not aware of it, take a moment the next time you are in the grocery store. When you see people, including the clerk who rings up your groceries, take a moment to make eye contact and pause for a few seconds. Feel the connection. Notice the sensation in your body. Notice the reaction from the person. Give yourself a palpable experience of feeling the impact of your presence.

Give your full attention to the present moment.

We talk a lot about wanting Peace on Earth. Did you know that Peace on Earth comes moment by moment from the peace each of us feels inside.? That is the key. It is the Peace we spread to each other. Not just during the holidays in December when the words Peace on Earth appear on banners and cards and on store displays. Peace on Earth is a year round practice for each of us. It comes from cultivating your inner world, by practicing mindfulness, by noticing where you feel discomfort and adversity in your life and by making changes and raising your vibration. Do not discount the discomfort of fear or anger. Feel them. Go to the root of them and pull them out. Dismissing them actually buries them in places where they will fester. The key is to feel, heal and transmute them through forgiveness and acknowledgement.

Then, cultivate the feeling of PEACE inside of yourself. BE PEACE is exactly that.

In 2010, I spent a year writing in a coffee shop every morning. Priscilla’s in Toluca Lake, California. One day, the coffee shop owner came over to me and shared how much she appreciated me. She said, “You bring an energy to Priscilla’s. It feels good when you are here. Thank you for being here”

None of us experience feedback every day about when our presence has made a difference. The moment when someone notices your presence without you “doing” anything. Personally, it is rare to have someone contact me 10 years later to thank me for my positive energy. Or that a coffee shop owner would notice the difference in the energy in the shop when I am there or not. And really that is not the point of this blog post.

I want you to see that you are a frequency holder and for you to become aware of it. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have someone thank you and maybe not. Be it any way. Turn up your awareness and notice the impact your energy, your vibration, and your frequency is having in your household, your community and rippling out into the world. Decide if you need to change something to BE the energy and the vibration you want to be to impact the world.

It’s in every one of us.

And in addition to receiving my words…watch this video. Let it wash over you. Know that you matter. Your presence. Your frequency. Your voice.

It’s in every one of us.

**********

Posted in Inspiration, Intention

Using Technology for Connection

Posted on December 21, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 82 of 100 days of Blogging

I woke up this morning to an invitation from my 21-year-old nephew, Luke, to become friends on Fitbit. He goes to college in Massachusetts. For the last four days, my 32-year-old daughter, Mary and I have been doing the Daily Challenge on Fibit; challenging each other to walk the 10,000 steps. She lives in New York.

I play Words with Friends with my brother (Pennsylvania), sister (Florida) and a few friends (various states and time zones).

I eat dinner with my daughters (California, Maryland, New York and have Dance Parties with my granddaughter (New York) on Facetime. I Skype with clients in Sweden, Italy and Germany.

I am connected to people all over the world. Technology is amazing!

I know there has been a lot of conversation about how technology creates isolation. I am witnessing the opposite. There are so many places to share our authentic voices, so many secret Facebook groups with deep connection and ways to post our secrets that I am noticing people want more connection and they are reaching out to find it.

I also notice that I have more connection to family and friends who are scattered all over the world. We are expanding into new ways of sharing our lives and connecting through activities.

Who says that just because you are in a room full of people that anyone is truly connected and sharing authentically?

What are you noticing about technology and social media and connection in person and on-line?

Post in the comments and share your voice.

**********

Posted in Connection

Carving the Next Path: Is it really YOUR desire?

Posted on December 17, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 78 of 100 days of writing

“Hidden beneath your feet is a luminous stage where you are meant to rehearse your eternal dance.” – Hafiz

In an enlivened conversation with a group of women this morning, the topic of following your desire came up. We were talking about learning to distinguish between the social conditioning of what we think we want and connecting with the true desire. Sometimes it is the same thing and sometimes we are so conditioned by society, family and friends, it is hard to delineate and distinguish our true desires.

Some examples:

Marriage, children, a 9-5 job, buying a house, retiring.

My own journey has included leaving a marriage, homeschooling my kids, using alternative medicine to heal an autoimmune condition, starting an on-line business, and living rent free while running a non-profit organization.

All of those paths went against the social conditioning learned in my family and community.

Here is an abbreviated version of tips I have used (and still do) to carve each new path.

#1 – See your life as a practice. Try new things. Be willing to look foolish. Failing is part of the process that helps you to discover who you are and what you want.

#2- Develop your intuition by increasing your awareness to your feelings. Notice when you feel happy or sad. Use the feelings as part of the practice. Follow the feelings and do the work to heal the things that trigger you and make new choices based on feelings.

#3 – Commit to one or more practices. Things like meditation, walking, journal writing, or exercise. Things that reduce stress, quiet your mind, and help you to release and let go and hear new answers to your questions.

#4 – Find several tribes of like minded people. This is where you get to practice using your voice, explore your feelings and desires and to find your authentic voice.

#5 – Shake up your routine. Anything that breaks the pattern. Sit in a different seat at the dinner table. Walk or drive a different path to work. Move your pillow to the foot of the bed and sleep in an opposite direction. Walk backwards. This will help you to rewire your brain and see things in a new way.

#6 – Take classes. Read books. Work with a coach. Be willing to learn something new. Be willing to change.

If you are interested in exploring more in a space with women who are ready to have deeper conversations, I will be teaching the next on-line 12 week program: An Experiential Life: Carving the Next Path – March 1, 2016-May 31, 2016. (Women only)

*Secret Facebook group

*Zoom video conferencing with a weekly conversation in the community of women

*Weekly exercises and energy tools

*Two individual coaching calls with me on Skype.

Join us!

https://andreahylen.com/an-experiential-life/

**********

Posted in Carving a New Path

Women (and Men): Your Voice Matters

Posted on December 15, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 76 of 100 days of Blogging

What advice would you give to a group of younger women about what you have learned about using your power and your voice?

Sitting on the Hot Seat in a New York City OneTaste Meet-up group the other night, I was asked this question. My mind went from blank and then I was flooded with ideas. Too many for sharing in that moment. The hot seat and the question penetrated a strong desire to say it out loud. Here are my thoughts:

First, I would like to tell you that your voice matters. Sharing your ideas and perspective on issues and things that stir you is so important. Spend time exploring what you feel and think. Read. Listen. Explore.

*Find several tribes with like minded people. It is easier to find your authentic voice with like minded people. Listen. Practice using your voice. Be messy. Be open to thinking differently! Change your mind. Change your mind again. Each experience either reinforces what you think or it changes you.

*Offer new perspectives and new ideas to your tribe. Like minded does not mean never changing. Share information, dreams, feelings, challenge each other. Find your passions. Discover your unique gifts and talents and use them.

*Cultivate a feeling of safety inside of you. Take responsibility for your own emotions. If something pisses you off or makes you feel tender, then check within yourself to find the source. We all have an emotional history and things can happen that trigger it. So, take responsibility to feel, know, and heal…YOU! The people in front of you are mirrors for your inner thoughts, beliefs and feelings. Don’t expect anyone to fix you. Get in the rock tumbler of life and let experiences stir you up and reveal your bright, shiny essence.

*Hire a coach or therapist for support. Take a course that pushes an edge. Personal growth is a life long endeavor. LIFE LONG. You will keep growing and expanding throughout your entire life, if you choose. Weave in and out of inner reflection and outer connection. Both are important.

*Listen to people of all ages. The five year old and the one-hundred-and-five year old both have wisdom. Listen and then feel. How does it feel in your body? Do their words feel true for you?

Then…

*Take your voice into the world. In conversations, in writing blogposts, speaking on internet radio, on Persicope on Twitter and at the dinner table. Challenge people to have deeper conversations. Ask them what they think and feel. Listen to them. Be curious and wonder why they have a perspective that is the same or totally different from you. Engage in dialogues that expand ideas into solutions.

*You have the power to impact and influence a new world into existence.

YOUR Voice MATTERS!

**********

Posted in voice

Phase Transition: Make Space and Wander

Posted on December 13, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 74 of 100 days of Blogging

There was a moment yesterday when I could see and feel the changes that are happening in my life. And in that moment I felt a little empty like the train had arrived at the station, dropped off all of the passengers and everything stopped. The conductor (me) pulled out the map and sat there figuring out what to do next.

I have arrived at the station after six months of releasing and allowing the space to be empty; To BE instead of DO. I see the beginning of the next phase. More glimpses of what I have been working toward creating. Balance of family, play, work, relationships.

This is one phase of the process of change. I have been through this so many times at different intervals in my life and this is what I notice in this type of phase transition, change and the in-between space:

*I begin to have new or reawakened awareness.

*I make some changes in my life. I experience frustration from some people in my life when I am in this period of change because I am uncomfortable when people ask me questions and I don’t have the answers. They mirror my internal discomfort. Or I notice that when I plan a weekend of pleasure, someone in my life has a crisis and there is an expectation that I need to stop everything to help them, even though they have other people who can help. I am torn between being a good friend or mother or daughter. In that moment, I am in a dilemma of what choice to make. Do I choose to focus on my own needs and desires or put everyone else first. It is uncomfortable and can feel restrictive. I can feel myself frustrated and angry.

*And then it happens, the changes begin to happen and I have what I want. Or I have the beginning of what I want. I have made some changes. People around me have adjusted. I am in a new stream of flow. I know when to help someone or when to practice my own self-care.

*Now, it is up to me.

*Am I going to sabotage the new way of being in subtle or obvious ways? Am I going to do things to pull people into the space where I just got free? Or can I sit in the stillness? In the unknown, uncertainty, unfamiliar space and slow down. Feel what it feels like to be in this next space and continue to let it unfold.

*I remind myself in this phase to stay empty.

*Fill myself slowly and consciously.

*****

An example of a day:

I had a whole day to focus on myself. No appointments or schedules. A day when I could tune in and let my intuition guide me to play, rest, work, have an adventure. Infinite possibilities and choices in this present moment.

I started by connecting with people in the house in Brooklyn where I was staying during my visit to NYC. There were five additional guests for two nights. We ate breakfast together and shared some of the details of our lives.

One of the women asked me about my coaching fees. She is a screenwriter who was hired to write a script for a film. She is experiencing some writer’s block and wanted to work with a coach to connect to the soul of the film. After a brief conversation, she hired me for three sessions and sent me the script draft. We will focus on story development and the connection to the soul; one of the things I LOVE to do in coaching.

After breakfast, I wanted to write and read and hang out in coffee shops and bookstores in Brooklyn and the East or West Village in New York. So, I googled coffee shops and picked the first destination.

I had a conversation with my oldest daughter and let her know I was available to babysit at their home in Queens in the evening so she and her husband could have some time together. We decided to connect later about the timing. I offered because I like to spend time with my granddaughter and it felt like the last time I could offer babysitting in the next few days before going back to Washington, DC.

Text from my daughter: Thanks for the offer. I am going into the city. I need to check with Jesse after he auditions the directors. Will let you know later this afternoon.

Now, it is late afternoon. I have several desires. The Strand Bookstore. A coffee shop in West Village. Regal Cinema in Union Square. I find myself moving in slow motion. I am not clear on my desire. I go slower so I can listen and feel connected to what I really want. I stand in the Regal Cinema lobby looking at the film choices and timing. I want to see The Danish Girl but if I babysit, it doesn’t look like I will have time. After ten minutes of standing there in uncertainty, I decide to move onto the busy, streets of New York.

The Strand Bookstore is in the next block. It is packed. Holiday and weekend shopping. I slowly walk up and down the aisles and move back onto the street. Too crowded. Not the right place for me today.

I walk around the block. Feeling. Thinking. Noticing. Letting myself feel empty and uncertain. I am in unfamiliar territory. It is a new place inside of me. A bubbling well that must be emptied to cultivate the next…

The key to discover the next path is to slow down.

I pause in front of a story and remember I have been craving pizza for a week. I feel a Yes inside of me. I notice the store right next to me is called Pie by the Pound. A restaurant that specializes in gluten free pizza. I pause for a moment and stand there checking within to feel my desire before going inside. I choose 4 different kinds of pizza. 4 small rectangular slices. Eat slowly. Enjoy this new experience. Gluten free, flat pizza. I eat until I am full then save the rest for later.

I look at the movie choices at the Regal Cinema again on my iPhone. Brooklyn is the next film showing. I am staying in Brooklyn so my curiosity piques. Film Description: An Irish immigrant in 1950s New York. She moves to America for an opportunity. When something happens at home in Ireland, she returns and must face a choice to stay in her old life in Ireland or return to her new life in America.

I feel a synchronicity. Letting go of the old. Making room for the new.

I purchase my movie ticket. Get settled in my seat and just as I reach to turn off my phone, I see a text from my sister: “Spoke to Dad this afternoon. He is so happy to be home. They had a health care professional visit and Dad is able to get all of the services he needs. He was really excited and happy. The health care person went around the house and made sure it was all safe for him.”

There is a moment when I feel I am not needed and I feel a loss. It is a blip on my emotional screen. I notice it. A moment of feeling: what is my value in the family if I am not there? I take a deep breath. Appreciate that I am connected to my family and that I do not have to be the caretaker. I CAN live my life and create new experiences. I CAN schedule time for me and know that everyone else is already cared for!

The film was perfect. I can feel it deeply. I recognize the feelings of letting go of one place to receive the next place.

Text from my daughter: Mom, thanks for the offer. We are exhausted from the auditions today. Jesse and Lucille sound asleep.

Another blip of loss. I am not needed. And then I feel the freedom.

It is 8pm on a Saturday night and I am in NYC with crazy, drunk Santa’s running around. Literally, throngs of people dressed up in the masculine and feminine versions of Santa with costumes, hats and bells. I walk slowly. I notice how other people are spending their Saturday night. Two drunk people weaving down the street brush up against me. Couples laughing and hugging. Groups of women with full shopping bags. Families huddled together, holding hands. A motor home with Hanukkah songs playing music on speakers intermingled with Christmas music. A police mobile station and people inside with ice packs on their heads.

This is a new beginning for me. What do I want to do right now?

I see THINK Coffee and decide to get a latte. Be silent. Reflect on my life before children. Reflect on my life before marriage. Reflect on the new desires that are emerging.

I dive into reading the yummy script of my new client.

I notice I am happy.

Me. NYC. Latte. Reading and writing in a little nook in THINK Coffee. Doing exactly what I want to be doing and being, right now.

After a few hours, I walk 1.3 miles to the M Train, choosing to walk instead of riding another train and transferring. The weather is gorgeous. NYC feels so good. I feel so good.

I arrive back in Brooklyn around midnight. Ten minutes later the house is filled with people arriving back from a class and dinner.

Briefly checking in with people before heading downstairs to my bedroom. Climbing into bed with a smile on my face.

The end of a New Day.

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Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Carving a New Path

Feminism: Awareness is the First Key to Change

Posted on December 7, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 68 of 100 days of Blogging

A friend of mine, a man, shared a post in a Facebook community of men and women who are exploring the new masculine. His post began by stating how his knowledge of feminism has increased 1,000 fold in the last few weeks. He decided to learn more about the feminist movement and do some research about what rights (money, property, marital and more) women have received since he was born almost 50 years ago.

Women were not allowed to take out a business loan without having a male relative cosign until 1988! Think about how that impacted women and what they would believe about their ability to start a business or be a business woman. They needed a male relative to cosign for them. Think about how men would be conditioned to think that women were incompetent to run a business without the support of a man.

I was eight years out of college at that time, working as a Project Manager in Epidemiological Research at Johns Hopkins and the mother of two daughters. And if I had wanted to start a business, I would have needed my father or another male relative to cosign on the loan!

My friend who posted this information has a new awareness and is awakening to the male privilege he didn’t even realize he had. He wants to take more responsibility for his role in the perpetuation of old standards and he is asking questions so he can change his perspective and learn how to support his teenage daughter as she grows into her power as a woman.

After reading his post, I wrote this comment.

Your words really stirred something in me. My whole body was buzzing as I tried to sleep last night. First, thank you for posting. I know I have so many layers of feelings. I feel like I could write a book in response to your question about asking women to share the hate they feel towards men.

For now, I will begin with this. I was born in 1956. I know you asked women to express the hate they have towards men. More than hate, I would say that I feared men. My mom stayed at home and we depended on my dad for our survival needs. Food, shelter, clothing. We were taught to behave and be quiet when he was home because it was his castle and his money. The message I received was to be good and quiet and not to upset him. Many experiences reinforced that message and that was enough to anchor the childhood fear and teach me to go underground with my voice.

One of the ways I have worked on healing this personally and in my work with women is to look at how the history of not being able to own property or have our own bank accounts is in our lineage. Women were property still ripples into our relationships with women in the form of competition for a man. It is the gossipy, back biting, passive-aggressive communication when women feel they have no voice. As much as men, that has involved healing with women first and building trust in our relationships. Understanding the roots of our lineage and the changes that have been taking place step by step and how we still are in a process of changing that old conditioning.

One of the ways I have healed is by practicing Orgasmic Meditation (OM) for 3 years and by living in an OM community with men and women for one year. I see men in a new light. I have a lot less fear and increased love and compassion. Both Robert Kandell and Ken Blackman, the leaders in this secret Facebook group and two of my teachers in the OM community were instrumental in me learning how to tap into more of my power by supporting me in claiming my personal power, owning my desires and breaking through to reach into the power of my sexuality. That is where I have the deepest desire for living life fully and the “nice” girl had to move to the side. In this OM practice, everything changed. The way I run my business, my writing, the claiming of my sexuality and power.

As for my daughters who are now 32, 30, and 22, I have worked with educating, changing patterns, encouraging their voices, and teaching them how to connect with men. The process of changing my own interactions and focusing on my personal growth began when they were born. I taught them to listen, to speak, to stand up for what they believe in. Leaving my husband in 1987 and breaking that pattern of accepting abuse was the way I demonstrated for them. Things are shifting. New legislation is one thing. Changing the mindset and re-callibrating to that change can take a generation or two.

When I was about to graduate high school in 1975, my mother told me I could do or be anything. Saying that and modeling it or providing guidance for that was another thing. It was assumed I would go to college but I received zero guidance for that and there was still the expectation that I would find a husband in college. I got married. Worked full time. Gave birth to two daughters. Maintained the home. Cooked, cleaned, found child care. Took off from work when my kids were sick. It was insane. Now my oldest daughter is married and has a two year old. She wants her husband to help more at home. They run a business together. I can see that some progress has been made in expecting they both take care of their child and I also see the brunt of the home stuff falls on my daughter. Now, I am her coach. I have been teaching her to specifically ask for what she needs on a daily basis with her husband and I can see the shifting for the next generation. More communication. More teamwork in a marriage. More connection. Her generation will take it to the next level and so on…

What are your thoughts about feminism? What are your thoughts about the changing roles for men and women? Please share your voice in the comment section.

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Posted in Transformation

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