Tag Archives: Feelings

Living my Life as a Research Project

Day 100 of 100 days of Blogging

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Life is naturally designed to be a research project. We are born with desire and curiosity. A child is naturally interested in exploring; naturally playing with their senses to create experiences. See. Hear. Taste. Touch. Play.

I like to observe, analyze and process what I notice and feel in the world. You could say that I am a born researcher, a data collector and  a writer.

For ten years after college, my career evolved from research assistant to project manager at Johns Hopkins to computer software trainer at a pharmaceutical company. I am a trained social worker and coach and an ordained minister. I like to study life, people and feelings. I have always been curious about people. Observing why they choose or don’t choose different experiences in their lives. Why they say they are happy when they feel sad to me. Why they say they are fine when they have tears in their eyes.

After working in the University System, I turned my attention to research life; my life and the world in and around me.

100 days of blogging has been a research project. The intention I set when I first started writing was to explore my voice. What did I want to write about? Where did people want to engage? What topics of interest to women and men in my community? What did I notice? Where did I have feelings of passion and intense desire to explore a topic?

Well, it turns out that I wrote about how I live my life. The topics included Living with Intent, Living in Flow, Living from Inspiration, Relationships, Connection, Writing, Grief, Healing, Consciousness Practices, Transformation and Leadership.

As this is the last day of 100 days of writing, I move towards integration. It is a necessary last piece of all research projects. Writing has transformed something so deep, that I need time and space, more of “the gap time,” to allow for integration and digestion to be able to use what I have uncovered.

And while I give the 100 days of writing time to percolate, I said yes to another research project. This one connects me to my Orgasmic Meditation practice.

 

For more details about setting up research with a partner, read on…

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To start off the new year, I decided to practice Orgasmic Meditation with an OM coach and friend in Crystal City, Virginia. We set the experience to be 21 days and to meet in his apartment every day.

Here are a few tips that can be adapted for different research experiences.

1. Enter at your own risk. I wouldn’t label 21 days of daily OMing as “fun.” The purpose of research is to turn a spotlight onto something and allow for release and purification and new awareness. Shadow and light will be revealed.

In the first week of the experience, I have noticed how each of us have had a day or two where we feel messed up before we start to OM or a day where we feel tender and cracked open after the OM. There is a purification and burning off of emotions and revealing of desires that emerge. There are also days that feel like nothing is happening which leads to days of bursting awareness and opening of power. In the first 7 days, I have laughed, cried, tapped into more of my power and last night I had nightmares for a few hours and woke up sobbing. I’m in it. 14 days to go.

2. Communication is Key.

a. Tune in to your desire and get clear on what you really want

b. Commit to a time period that feels “right” to you. If you already feel stretched and pressured before you begin, make an adjustment. 7 days can be just as powerful as 21 days or 30 days.

c. Communicate your desire with your partner (or with yourself, if it is a different kind of research that does not require a partner. Write down the desire and the expectation and the tools for communication. (One partner and I used a Google document for clarity and journal writing together. )

In my current research of 21 days of OMing, my partner and I both had a desire for daily OMing. When he shared his desire as a general idea of 30 days of OMing, it felt like our desires were a match. When I looked at my schedule for January, knowing it would require 2-3 hours of travel, as well as OM time, I was willing to commit to 21 days. The additional 9 days felt like overwhelm to me.

d. Set up a self-care regimen. Salt baths. Sleep. More quiet time for processing and integrating everything that WILL come up!

e. Notice everything. Subtle shifts. AHAs. Journal. Stay conscious.

f. Stay in the mystery of what is possible. There will be bumps in the road. Things you didn’t think about or even different perspectives that were not evident when you set the container. Part of the growth is the messiness that arises and new communication that is created.

g. Set up a foundation and structure for yourself. A way to have a beginning and an ending and a touchstone to remind yourself why you are called to do this at this time.

In my current research with an OM partner, we have the foundation of the OM practice and the 12 steps of OMing.

Tenets of OM:
1. Attention – noticing what is
ii. Simplicity – removing anything extra (romance, interpretations,
value judgments, accoutrements), goallessness
iii. Desire – making requests and adjustments in the OM.
iv. Connection – feeling the connection created between the stroker
and strokee (limbic resonance)

 

12 Steps to OM:

1. Ask for an OM  

2. Set up a space  

3. Sit in Position  

4. Noticing  

5. Safeport  

6. Initial Grounding  

7. Stroking  

8. Peaking  

9. Communicate  

10. Second Grounding  

11. Share Frames  

12. Clean up the space

 

And that’s all for now folks!

 

To the adventure!

 

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.
 

Set An Intention: What is Your Word for 2016

Day 93 of 100 days of Blogging

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For the past month, I have been thinking and feeling into my word for the year. Choosing a word to set an intention then pointing my arrow of desire in a focused direction is powerful. It is one of the ways I have been preparing for 2016 and Setting My List of Intentions.

My process includes reflecting on last year’s words, reviewing last year’s activities and feeling the energy of the new year. Asking myself questions is another part of the process. What word do I want to hold in my consciousness to lay a path for this year throughout the whole year?

 

And the winner is…

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EXPECTATION:

a belief that someone will or should achieve something. a strong belief that something will happen.

There is something powerful about this word. I can feel the Warrior Goddess in me rising up. I know her well. The Warrior Goddess in me knows how to go deep into the silence and draw from the inner well. She is the woman who throws herself into life. She is all in. She knows how to use her power. She is courageous, curious, joy-filled, determined. She knows how go back inside herself to sit in stillness and listen. She knows how to wait. She knows how to stand on the mountain top and shout her message. She asks for what she wants. She expects things to happen. She has been called crazy and stupid many times. She has followed her bliss anyway.

 

When I first put this word on my list of possible words for the year, I found myself watering it down. This became part of my process of claiming my word. At first, it felt bold, brazen and egoic.  Who am I to use such a big word? It feels like the opposite of how I have been living my life for the last few years. Releasing, letting things fall away, being open to new and unexpected things to emerge. Conscious evolution. Faith. Infinite possibilities. No expectations.

I can feel the shift. It is time to dream bigger, act bolder, put myself out there, take action and draw on all of the cultivating I have done on living in flow with inspiration and flexibility. My ability to actively surrender, make adjustments. Time to expect the Universe to meet me.

This word has so much power, so much energy, so much bigness that I am claiming it AND setting up a foundation of support for the year with a companion word every month. A word that fine tunes and focuses me. A word that will support my word of the year.

Some of the companion words every month will be things like quiet, clarity, nurture, curiosity, wonder, certainty, experimentation, expansion, courage, play, joy, sensuality, faith and trust.

I will be calling in the Archangels, Goddesses, Ascended Master’s. I will meditate. Be willing to wait in the stillness and work with Spirit.  I will draw upon life experience, use affirmations:

The Universe loves and supports me.

I ask for what I want and receive it.

I easily access the answers that are inside me.

I have access to tools and resources and people.

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The word EXPECTATION is my playmate for the year.

 

What are your words for 2016? Post in the comments and let me hear your voice.

 

There is a program launching on March 1 called Carving the Next Path. A 12 week program for women. Join Us!

Register: http://www.andreahylen.com/an-experiential-life/

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Crossing the Bridge: Change is in the Year

Day 91 of 100 days of Blogging

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It happens every year. December 31 ends one year. January 1 begins a new year. Then we all go through a transition of remembering to write the next year. Writing 2016, instead of 2015. It is part of the transition. It is part of change.

Transition is a part of life. We all have other endings and beginnings every year. Changing jobs. Moving. Deaths. Birth. Rebirth. Sometimes we choose endings and new beginnings. Sometimes we have change thrust upon us and sometimes change is happening that is so subtle we may not have even noticed it was happening.

When I was laid off from a job in 1990, there was a little bit of a warning but it felt like we were just going through a rough patch. I had no idea that our whole department of 20 people was going to be laid off. When it finally happened, I spent a week in disbelief. Then, took a week to sit in the uncertainty of it and did a few things like spend a day walking in silence in Washington, DC. Then, I went on job interviews. I was hired for a short term consulting job and then discovered I was pregnant. My second husband and I would be having our first child. I continued to look for work because I saw myself as a mother with a career. A mother who needed to find the next job. My first two children had been raised in a day care routine when I worked and I assumed the third would be the same.

And then a standard sonagram in month 7 of my pregnancy showed that our child was a son and he had a problem with his heart. With no job, it made sense that I would be the stay at home parent while he was undergoing heart surgeries. I never returned to a full-time job outside of the home. Life changed. New beginnings kept showing up. Nothing was ever the same again. My whole life path and expectation had been altered.

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Since the birth and death of my son, I have learned to feel when there is subtle change and early warnings in the air. I have learned through meditation, journal writing, Tai Chi, and other practices that have connected me to my intuition and awakened my “knowing” and trusting “feelings.”

I’ve learned to recognize the subtle patterns that appear when I am moving from an ending to a new beginning. There is a thing called the “in between” space. And when I am there, the recurring pattern gives me a clue.

The typical clues for me:

I feel lost.

I feel like a failure.

I feel like I am letting people down.

I feel like people are mad at me.

I become irritable.

I have a running dialogue of other people’s voices every time I make a move.

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When I wake up and realize that something is shifting and change is coming, the next part of the pattern is put into motion.

I start making different choices.

I spend more time in silence and writing.

I become a detective looking for clues in signs, conversations and bubbling desire.

I take baby steps.

I ask more questions.

I turn up the patience quotient and I wait…

 

So, here we are on the precipice of a new year. Follow the steps and move into the new year with wide, open eyes, and notice what is subtly calling out to you.

Ready…Set…Go!

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Setting Intentions: Tuning In

Day 89 of 100 days of Blogging

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In her book Living with Intent, Mallika Chopra interviewed Eckhart Tolle.

Mallika: “What is intention? How do you define it and bring intentions to life?”

Eckhart: “At it’s basic, intention is a thought that arises in the mind and wants to manifest in the external world. On a cosmic scale, before something manifests, it is probably already there in the mind of God. “

What do I want?

What does the universe want from me?

What can I give to the universe?

*****

Eighteen months ago, I wrote a list of 20 intentions. Some of them manifested fully in one month to 18 months.

Some of the things on my list:

*Dental work: I have been going to the Baltimore dental school since October and two money gifts from relatives to pay for it.

*A summer of reading and writing: Started in July and it extended into a desire to write blog posts for 100 days.

*A season of rest and quiet to recharge every year with weekly times of open space: 12 weeks started in July.

*Full time access to a car wherever I live or travel.

A friend loaned me a car for a year in Washington, DC and in Los Angeles I used Zipcar and Uber.

*A Home Free Space to live in: 18 months and it continues

 

More than goals the intentions on my list were an expression of visions and desires. Setting an intention list helped me focus and point my arrow in the direction I wanted to go. I was clear and connected to the feelings associated with each of the desires.

 

As Beth Terrence and I are opening the doors to 30 days of writing: Setting Intentions and Visioning Our Dreams 2016, I am reviewing my list. Spending some time in appreciation and gratitude for what is now in motion in my life. Reviewing the other intentions on my list. Getting clear and asking myself if I really want to create, manifest and attract the things on the list.

What do I need to release?

What are the next steps to take?

Opening my arms to receive.

 

If you are interested in joining us for a deep exploration, go to the website and register:

http://healmyvoice.org/30-day-writing-program/

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Before I Die…I want to Live!

Day 86 of 100 days of blogging

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“I have seen many depressions and other chronic suffering at whose source was the repression and denial of a strong, creative urge.” ~Carolyn Myss

I saw a photo on Facebook with the words Before I Die…and it stirred something in me. I was wondering why there is so much emphasis on what we want to do before we die instead of how to live a rich, creative and fulfilling life.

I hear the word Bucket List a lot these days. Bucket List: a list of things that one has not done before but wants to do before dying.

 

I read one list of 50 things to do before you die and it had things like:

1. Go on a road trip

2. Sleep under the stars

3. Watch all the movies everyone is talking about

4. Make something from scratch

5. Conquer a fear

6. Volunteer at a soup kitchen

As I read through the list, I thought, aren’t people already doing these things? If not, then what are they doing? How are they using their time on the planet? Is it possible that someone would die without volunteering their time somewhere?

I know that some bucket lists include things with boundary pushing, adventure like skydiving, bungie jumping, walking the Great Wall of China. Yes, I understand that.  When I read those lists, I can see that the things on the list are probably connected to conquering a fear or following a deep passion for the adventure.

The thing I am also noticing on the lists is how people hold themselves back without living a life of creative expression. Holding themselves back because their family or friends might not approve. Holding themselves back because they have a belief that this idea doesn’t make sense in the big picture of their lives. Holding themselves back because they are afraid to be the fullest expression of themselves.

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“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
Mary Oliver

So,maybe it is death that motivates us to actually live our lives. We lose a loved one. We get older and know that we will die eventually. Maybe it is the idea of dying that inspires us to make choices from our soul. To let go of doing what we think we are supposed to be doing and actually LIVE!

 

The Inspiration for the walls Before I die…:

After losing someone she loved and experiencing deep depression, artist Candy Chang created an interactive wall on an abandoned house in her neighborhood to create an anonymous place to help restore perspective and share intimately with neighbors while remaining an introvert. After receiving permission, she painted the side of an abandoned house in her neighborhood in New Orleans with chalkboard paint and stenciled it with a grid of the sentence, “Before I die I want to _______.” Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

http://beforeidie.cc/site/about/

 

As I read the words on some of the walls, I was struck by how powerful it would be, if each person set an intention with their words and took one step closer to making that happen.

Tell my mother I love her

Have some Fun.

Dance

Get Clean

Change the World

 

I wondered…

What would it take for you to LIVE now?

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Living with Intent: Frequency Holders

Day 83 of 100 days of Blogging

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“There are people who are happy doing small things. I call them frequency holders. They are just as important as people who are doing big things. Their purpose is to give full attention to the present moment and to every action and interaction with other human beings ~ to be fully aware even in the smallest interactions. In that way, they also change the world for the better. In our culture, frequency holders aren’t often recognized, but that doesn’t mean they are not important. I was a frequency holder for a long time and still am in many ways.” ~Eckhart Tolle

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I was working at a pharmaceutical company in the late 80’s. My official job was computer software trainer. One day, I was training an older woman on how to use the computer and the new operating system. Her hands were shaking and she kept asking me, “Is it okay to press enter?  Are you sure? Are you sure?” I continued to hold the space, listen to her concerns, calmly encouraging her to press the key and breathe. Until finally, she would close her eyes, hold her breath and press the key. By the end of the hour session, she was navigating around the site, pressing enter with only a slight hesitation, smiling after each section completion and thanking me profusely for my patience.

Throughout the session, I had a sense that I was doing more than teaching her how to use the software and the computer. I was a just beginning to wake up to the power of presence, the idea that our thoughts create our reality and we could make a difference in the world with moment to moment connection. I was going to Al-Anon, studying A Course in Miracles and reading a variety of self-help books by Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer and Lazarus. The sense and feelings I had during the computer training session were validated and reinforced over the next few weeks.  I noticed how something was changing in the older woman’s presence. She seemed to be standing taller, laughing and smiling and engaged more with her co-workers.

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I knew that something was happening and I didn’t have the bigger picture until ten years later, another woman from that company contacted me and asked if she could come over to my house for a visit. During that ten year time period, our entire department had been laid off. I remarried, gave birth to two children, lost a son to cancer, survived a serious illness myself and was now building community and homeschooling my children. The woman was now divorced, had a new job, and better health. She asked to see me because she wanted me to know the impact I had on her and the people around me. She wanted to thank me for making a difference in the work environment and how it helped her to make positive changes in her life.

One of the gifts to me that day was to remind me that everywhere we go, we have the power to impact each other positively or negatively.

I have had more moments like this since then when I recognized the power of presence to shift the energy in a household just by being there. I am sure many of you have noticed it in your life, too. The impact a person’s energy has in your environment; either lifting people up or knocking people down.

If you are not aware of it, take a moment the next time you are in the grocery store. When you see people, including the clerk who rings up your groceries, take a moment to make eye contact and pause for a few seconds. Feel the connection. Notice the sensation in your body. Notice the reaction from the person. Give yourself a palpable experience of feeling the impact of your presence.

Give your full attention to the present moment.

We talk a lot about wanting Peace on Earth. Did you know that Peace on Earth comes moment by moment from the peace each of us feels inside.? That is the key. It is the Peace we spread to each other. Not just during the holidays in December when the words Peace on Earth appear on banners and cards and on store displays. Peace on Earth is a year round practice for each of us. It comes from cultivating your inner world, by practicing mindfulness, by noticing where you feel discomfort and adversity in your life and by making changes and raising your vibration. Do not discount the discomfort of fear or anger. Feel them. Go to the root of them and pull them out. Dismissing them actually buries them in places where they will fester. The key is to feel, heal and transmute them through forgiveness and acknowledgement.

Then, cultivate the feeling of PEACE inside of yourself. BE PEACE is exactly that.

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In 2010, I spent a year writing in a coffee shop every morning. Priscilla’s in Toluca Lake, California. One day, the coffee shop owner came over to me and shared how much she appreciated me. She said,  “You bring an energy to Priscilla’s. It feels good when you are here. Thank you for being here”

 

None of us experience feedback every day about when our presence has made a difference. The moment when someone notices your presence without you “doing” anything. Personally, it is rare to have someone contact me 10 years later to thank me for my positive energy. Or that a coffee shop owner would notice the difference in the energy in the shop when I am there or not. And really that is not the point of this blog post.

I want you to see that you are a frequency holder and for you to become aware of it. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have someone thank you and maybe not. Be it any way. Turn up your awareness and notice the impact your energy, your vibration, and your frequency is having in your household, your community and rippling out into the world. Decide if you need to change something to BE the energy and the vibration you want to be to impact the world.

It’s in every one of us.

And in addition to receiving my words…watch this video. Let it wash over you. Know that you matter. Your presence. Your frequency. Your voice.

It’s in every one of us.

 

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

 

Love: Authentic Connection

Day 81 of 100 days of Blogging

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Miracle Message #79: Love can come from any form of authentic connection. #MiracleNow ~Gabrielle Bernstein

 

A Series of Blog Posts:

Intimacy Research Background:

I wanted to grow and learn. I wanted to heal the wounds from past relationships with men. I wanted connection and intimacy. I wanted a partner who would practice with me. Real feelings. Real connection. Research.

So, I asked him. A man who was in my coaching leadership program. A man who I had a mental, physical, emotional connection with and who I felt could match my level of intensity and desire. I asked him to be in an intimacy research partnership with me for eight months. He said yes immediately.

We set up a Google document. We Face timed. We texted. And once a month, we met in person in San Francisco. He flew in from Germany. I flew from New York. We created an experience.

 

*****

Month 2 (October 2013 continued):

At the end of the week, we spent one last night together at the Good Hotel. With the words, BE GOOD on the wall #begood. Funny to see that as I am in a process of reclaiming my sexuality. When I saw the words I felt like my mother was in the room with me reminding me to be good!

Axel and I took a walk in the full moon light and I saw the words LOVE on the apartment building across the street. I took a photo.

Him: No. Love always complicates things.

Me: Why does love complicate? I feel love for people all the time. I felt love for the man behind the counter who just checked us into the hotel. He was so present. So full of information and wanting to be helpful. I could feel his heart and I felt love for him in that moment. My heart swelled with love. An authentic connection.

Him: That is not possible.

 

The night before in the airbnb with 20 of my friends and classmates, someone asked if I am in love with Axel.  I said yes, I think I am in love with him. Then, I paused and felt into my heart. No, I am not “in love” with him.  I am in love with elements of him that bring out elements of love for me. The love is expanding me to be more of me.

 

In this moment in the moonlight, I tell him:

I love the way your body feels and the way our bodies feel together.

I love the playful side of you that brings out the playful side in me.

I love your intense enthusiasm that mirrors my own intense enthusiasm.

I love how you connect with strangers on the street and in the hostels that brings out that side in me, too.

I love working side by side with our computers and challenging each other to be powerful.

I love talking about money and how excited we both get.

I love to watch you skateboard. When I see your joy, I want more of that for you. I feel the freedom for both of us in being free to express who we are.

I love…

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In the morning we OM before leaving for the airport. It is cold in the room so he shows me the Hamburg wrap. He covers me in blankets so that only my pussy is exposed. All he needs is access to my clitoris. I am wrapped up like a blanket mummy.

Him: I am going to step over you now. (He positions himself in the “nest”)

Safe ports me with, I’m going to touch your thighs with grounding pressure.

Me: Yes. Thank you.

He does the noticing step describing my pussy with neutral language of shape and texture and color.

Him: I notice your left labia touching your right labia. I see a light pink on the edge of the labia. Your clit is hidden under the hood.

I can feel myself getting warm and feeling connected. I can feel my vigilance center lowering. I am relaxing.

Him: I’m going to touch your pussy now.

Me: Yes. Thank you.

He puts gloves on. Dips his index finger and thumb into the beeswax lube.

Him: I am going to touch you now.

Me: Yes

He starts with a slow lube stroke making his way from the introitus to the clitoris. He begins with a light, slow stroke. Barely touching my clitoris. Short strokes. Up, down, up, down. A slow rhythm.

I feel a slow buzz of electricity in my forehead and my thighs. I can feel the welling of tears. One tear slowly falls down my cheek. I let him know I am going to cry.

Him: Thank you.

The sobs begin to shake my chest and rock my chest up and down. I sob out all of the emotion that was in my body from being in Immersion (the coaching leadership program) and sobbing out the sadness of Axel going back to Germany and me going back to Los Angeles and all of the joy and pain of the week. Sobbed out all of the energy that I picked up in the room at Immersion. Sobbed out all of the pain of leaving my children with my husband for two weeks when we divorced twenty-five years ago. I am sobbing the present and the past. I sob about Germany and feel the sadness in the Youtube video we had watched earlier that morning. The sobs begin to slow.

The two minute bell rings.

Axel begins the downstrokes to finish the OM and ground us both.

I take deep breaths and let my tears come to a gentle completion.

The final bell rings.

Him: I am going to apply pressure now. Up or down?

Me: Push up towards my head.

He applies pressure to my pussy with both hands. Grounding all of the emotion and swelling in my pussy.

Axel picks up the washcloth.

Him: I am going to do the towel stroke now.

Me: Thank you.

He does one slow wipe on my pussy removing the lube.

He removes his gloves and helps me sit up.

We share frames.

Him: There was a moment when I felt heat in my chest and a thumping pressure in my heart.

Me: Thank you.

Me: There was a moment when I felt a wave of sadness in my heart and a cracking in my upper back.

Him: Thank you.

We put away the blankets and pillows. I put my pants on. We both pause and look at each other. Moving closer we embrace and hug. I tell him I am so sad that he is going back to Germany. He brushes my hair away from my eyes and says, I know. He kisses me on the forehead. Hugs me tight.

We move towards our suitcases. Finish Packing.

Time to go to the airport.

*****

If you would like to watch an Introduction to OM Video, click on the link. OM is Orgasmic Meditation. https://youtu.be/pYohBt5AVmA

 

 

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Photo from Andrea Hylen

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Spiritual Growth: Learning through Intimate Relationships

Day 80 of 100 days of Blogging

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Miracle Message #85: Let your intimate relationships be your greatest learning devices for spiritual growth and healing. #MiracleNow ~Gabrielle Bernstein

 

A Series of Blog Posts:

Intimacy Research Background:

I wanted to grow and learn. I wanted to heal the wounds from past relationships with men. I wanted connection and intimacy. I wanted a partner who would practice with me. Real feelings. Real connection. Research.

So, I asked him. A man who was in my coaching leadership program. A man who I had a mental, physical, emotional connection with and who I felt could match my level of intensity and desire. I asked him to be in an intimacy research partnership with me for eight months. He said yes immediately.

We set up a Google document. We Face timed. We texted. And once a month, we met in person in San Francisco. He flew in from Germany. I flew from New York. We created an experience.

 

*****

 

Month 2 (October 2013):

Already in the first 48 hours, I had cried several times and said, “Fuck you, Axel.” His idea of trying to find things to say to me that would emotionally whack me on purpose had reached a boiling point inside of me. He wanted to increase the sensations for our research. I had processed, cried, asked him why he thought he needed to be mean on purpose, was he trying to make me jealous? Wouldn’t there be natural opportunities for that? It felt like bullying to me. As we approached the 48 hour mark and I knew we were going to be sleeping in different locations for the next 4 nights, I left in a fury without saying good-bye or “see you tomorrow”.

I just left.

As I rolled my suitcase down the steep San Francisco hill towards the BART, (the metro system in San Francisco) I was fuming and also feeling relief from the compression between us. I was feeling free again. People may think intimacy research is fun. This was one of the kick ass, button pushing, emotion triggering, different perspective moments that are always a part of human relationship research.

The first 48 hours had many fun moments. We met at the International Flight Arrival Gate at SFO, and made our way to the BART and the private room at the hostel. After OMing, (Orgasmic Mediation), and a nap to try to help him re-calibrate from Central European time zone to West Coast time zone, we ran through the streets of San Francisco exploring and laughing. Running up and down the escalators in Bloomingdale’s like two school kids, looking for the underwear he likes that he can’t get in Germany.  Stopping on the street to be videotaped by a few young filmmakers. Discovering a great Thai Restaurant for dinner. Both of us talking non-stop.

It was great until I got triggered and whacked emotionally, one too many times. When I got closer to the BART I stopped on the corner realizing he might not know where his suitcase was in the hostel. I had moved it to the front desk without telling him. I pulled out my phone, called him and told him about the suitcase. He said, “Where are you?”

Me: I left.

Him: You left?!? How could you leave without saying Good-bye? After all we have meant to each other?

Me: I got whacked too many times. I can’t take anymore right now.

Him: Where are you?

I tell him the location of the corner.

Him: Don’t move. I am coming to you right now.

I wait on the corner. Not sure if I want to see him. Feeling a little turned on that he was so upset. It feels like he really cares about me. Beneath his anger, I can feel something else in his voice…vulnerability? tenderness?

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I look up the hill and in the fashion of Richard Gere in Pretty Woman when he comes to sweep Julia Roberts off her feet in a limousine,  except my version is Axel in converse sneakers on a skateboard, flying down the steep hill. He arrives at the corner with a swift stop. Swoops me into his arms, pulling me close and breathlessly says, “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t leave like that!” He is trembling and out of breath.

His head is buried in my hair and neck. His arms are wrapped around me tightly, not letting go. We hold each other for a few minutes. Breathless. Teary. Exhausted. In this embrace, we begin to talk back and forth slowly, almost whispering our answers. He wants to know what happened. I share my feelings with my face pressed into his hair. My lips brushing his neck as I speak. His hand on the back of my neck holding my face close to his neck. His lips brushing against my hair as he speaks. We are so close. Holding on for dear life. Staying connected.

This is research with real feelings. This is intense.

He says he didn’t know I was so upset. He thought I was expressing my feelings and was okay. We add in more communication tools. Green, yellow, red. Green means all is well. Yellow is I am uncomfortable but willing to stay connected and learn. Red is I am ready for flight, fight, freeze. I am falling apart.

I was in “red.” How do we let each other know that we are in “red” and to stop the teasing, emotional challenging, and back off. How do we learn to recognize it in the moment?

Do check-ins throughout the day. Stop and listen to each other. We also add in “safe porting.” Letting each other know we are going to do something before we do it. Create more safety in the space.

This was painful and powerful. As we end the first two days of deeper intimacy, I can feel a breakthrough. I can feel deeper communication. I can feel the power of going through this step by step. Noticing patterns. Making changes. Feeling all the feelings. And seeing into the soul of another person.

 

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Photo from Andrea Hylen

Andrea Hylen at Agape in Los Angeles

 

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Carving the Next Path: Is it really YOUR desire?

Day 78 of 100 days of writing

“Hidden beneath your feet is a luminous stage where you are meant to rehearse your eternal dance.” – Hafiz

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In an enlivened conversation with a group of women this morning, the topic of following your desire came up. We were talking about learning to distinguish between the social conditioning of what we think we want and connecting with the true desire. Sometimes it is the same thing and sometimes we are so conditioned by society, family and friends, it is hard to delineate and distinguish our true desires.

Some examples:

Marriage, children, a 9-5 job, buying a house, retiring.

My own journey has included leaving a marriage, homeschooling my kids, using alternative medicine to heal an autoimmune condition, starting an on-line business, and living rent free while running a non-profit organization.

All of those paths went against the social conditioning learned in my family and community.

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Here is an abbreviated version of tips I have used (and still do) to carve each new path.

#1 – See your life as a practice. Try new things. Be willing to look foolish. Failing is part of the process that helps you to discover who you are and what you want.

#2- Develop your intuition by increasing your awareness to your feelings. Notice when you feel happy or sad. Use the feelings as part of the practice. Follow the feelings and do the work to heal the things that trigger you and make new choices based on feelings.

#3 – Commit to one or more practices. Things like meditation, walking, journal writing, or exercise. Things that reduce stress, quiet your mind, and help you to release and let go and hear new answers to your questions.

#4 – Find several tribes of like minded people. This is where you get to practice using your voice, explore your feelings and desires and to find your authentic voice.

#5 – Shake up your routine. Anything that breaks the pattern. Sit in a different seat at the dinner table. Walk or drive a different path to work. Move your pillow to the foot of the bed and sleep in an opposite direction. Walk backwards.  This will help you to rewire your brain and see things in a new way.

#6 – Take classes. Read books. Work with a coach. Be willing to learn something new. Be willing to change.

 

If you are interested in exploring more in a space with women who are ready to have deeper conversations, I will be teaching the next on-line 12 week program: An Experiential Life: Carving the Next Path – March 1, 2016-May 31, 2016. (Women only)

*Secret Facebook group

*Zoom video conferencing with a weekly conversation in the community of women

*Weekly exercises and energy tools

*Two individual coaching calls with me on Skype.

Join us!

http://www.andreahylen.com/an-experiential-life/

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

 

 

 

Women (and Men): Your Voice Matters

Day 76 of 100 days of Blogging

What advice would you give to a group of younger women about what you have learned about using your power and your voice?

Sitting on the Hot Seat in a New York City OneTaste Meet-up group the other night, I was asked this question. My mind went from blank and then I was flooded with ideas. Too many for sharing in that moment. The hot seat and the question penetrated a strong desire to say it out loud. Here are my thoughts:

First, I would like to tell you that your voice matters. Sharing your ideas and perspective on issues and things that stir you is so important. Spend time exploring what you feel and think. Read. Listen. Explore.

*Find several tribes with like minded people. It is easier to find your authentic voice with like minded people. Listen. Practice using your voice. Be messy. Be open to thinking differently! Change your mind. Change your mind again. Each experience either reinforces what you think or it changes you.

*Offer new perspectives and new ideas to your tribe. Like minded does not mean never changing. Share information, dreams, feelings, challenge each other. Find your passions. Discover your unique gifts and talents and use them.

*Cultivate a feeling of safety inside of you. Take responsibility for your own emotions. If something pisses you off or makes you feel tender, then check within yourself to find the source.  We all have an emotional history and things can happen that trigger it. So, take responsibility to feel, know, and heal…YOU! The people in front of you are mirrors for your inner thoughts, beliefs and feelings. Don’t expect anyone to fix you. Get in the rock tumbler of life and let experiences stir you up and reveal your bright, shiny essence.

*Hire a coach or therapist for support. Take a course that pushes an edge. Personal growth is a life long endeavor. LIFE LONG. You will keep growing and expanding throughout your entire life, if you choose. Weave in and out of inner reflection and outer connection. Both are important.

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*Listen to people of all ages. The five year old and the one-hundred-and-five year old both have wisdom. Listen and then feel. How does it feel in your body? Do their words feel true for you?

Then…

*Take your voice into the world. In conversations, in writing blogposts, speaking on internet radio, on Persicope on Twitter and at the dinner table.  Challenge people to have deeper conversations. Ask them what they think and feel. Listen to them. Be curious and wonder why they have a perspective that is the same or totally different from you. Engage in dialogues that expand ideas into solutions.

*You have the power to impact and influence a new world into existence.

 

YOUR Voice MATTERS!

 

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Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

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