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Building Community: Learning from the Masculine and Feminine

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 17 of 100 days of blogging

A few weeks ago, a female friend invited me to a group called The New Masculine Community. When I first saw the words, I wondered why she was inviting me to a men’s group. I am a woman and I work mainly with women in my organization, Heal My Voice.

The description in the group:

This group is for education, discussion and debate. It originally was formed to support a men’s program by Zat Baraka, Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell called the Razor’s Edge that was run in Winter 2015.

Please note:
Masculine does not necessarily mean man.
Feminine does not necessarily mean woman.

This page is for ALL genders and ALL sexual orientations to discuss the topics of masculine and feminine nature in today’s ever-changing world. To help breakdown the bullshit conventions that run us, which haven’t worked in a very long time.

We are a community of people who want to learn more about how we tick and how others. We are here to share ideas and concepts. You might not like everything that you read. However, we hope that it influences you enough to notice your programming.

Having spent the last three years in what appears to be a female-centric practice (Orgasmic Meditation) and being committed to living in community and practicing with men, I decided to hang out in the group and read some of the comments. (I also really admire and appreciate the work of Ken Blackman and Robert Kandell who originally started the group and I know there is a team of women and men monitoring the posts.)

This week, one of the women in the group posted an article about Bradley Cooper (an actor) supporting Jennifer Lawrence (an actress) in her article about the Hollywood Pay Gap. Cooper has been teaming up with female stars to negotiate salaries before film production starts. “I don’t know where it’s changing otherwise but that’s something that I could do,” Cooper said.

http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/10/15/bradley-cooper-is-on-board-with-jennifer-lawrences-takedown-of-the-hollywood-pay-gap/

I feel like that is the point. If we see something in the world that is wrong, we can do our part. Do something. Support someone. Teach a woman or man how to negotiate a salary. Look around and see where you can offer your unique talents and skills. It begins with each of us making that choice individually.

I made a choice in my life 30 years ago to live in community where every person is supported and encouraged to be the fullest expression of who they really are. (By community, I mean finding like minded people who wanted to do the same thing. We all lived in our own family homes all over the city)

We were all committed to heal the wounds of what we were taught are the roles of feminine and masculine. I made a choice to look at my own actions and behavior first, decide where I needed changes. I left a marriage because in that verbal and sexual abusive environment, I was not being the role model I came to be for my two little girls. I made the choice to leave and start unraveling generations of patterning about submissive women.

When I first read the article, I wrote the first comment and highlighted words Cooper spoke about seeing a problem and doing his part to make it right. He isn’t trying to change the whole world by himself, just making a change where he had power. I invite you to let go of the amount of money they are making. That is a distraction from the bigger picture. This is an example of “In my world, I can change this.”

After the death of our son and my own life threatening illness my 2nd husband and I decided to homeschool our children to provide an environment where they had more self-expression and freedom to be themselves. We connected with 1000 families in the Baltimore~DC area. Pooled resources, offered our unique talents and skills, daily interaction and field trips. Stroked out the best of each kid. Male or female. Gave them the freedom to find out who they are. Then, it was up to each child to make their own choices. We laid the foundation.

Instead of talking about a bunch of theory about what is the new masculine and what is feminine leadership, how about each of us taking a look at where we can support someone to be the best they can be instead of using humor or criticism to diminish them. Ask yourself, how can I be the best version of a man? How can I be the best version of a woman? How can I integrate masculine and feminine characteristics of creativity, intuition, action, strength into my life? Feel. Think. Open your eyes and look around.

The commitment to your own growth doesn’t end until you die. I imagine that every person reading this blogpost has a desire, a longing for better communication with others and deep down wants to peel away the facade of who you thought you were supposed to be. And underneath, there is another part of you that wants to be seen and felt and heard.

You don’t have to do everything. Do something. Do your part.

We are all in this together.

*****

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Andrea Hylen

Introduction to OM

Posted on October 11, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 11 of 100 days of blogging

New York City

An Introduction to OM class

There was a moment at the end of the day when 30 men and women sat in a circle to share a few frames from an experience of their first OM. It was a class from 10am-5pm with an optional lab, after the class, where people can stay, connect with a partner and have an experience of an OM.

After the lab, we all sat in a circle and one by one finished the prompt, “Right now, I am grateful for…” The answers came in a gentle wave of vulnerability, tenderness, connection. A soft, smoothness wrapped the room where for a moment, our innocence returned. I am grateful for… community, my partner, connection, the power of this practice, humanity, courage to try something new, the teachers, the support staff, authenticity, a real experience of connection.

In a community space, in the middle of Soho, something had shifted in each of us.

Let’s Back Up for a Minute

OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. OM is a practice between two people that has no goal except to feel what is happening in the moment. Connection. Sensation. Simplicity. Attention.

A frame is a moment in time during your OM, when you felt a physical sensation in your body. This includes temperature, texture, motion, pressure, color, and speed. Sharing a frame is a way to anchor the experience of the OM and the connection. One moment. Focusing on what is present vs what is not.

It is a practice

I have been OMing for almost three years now. For two years, I lived in a community and had a daily practice. OMing is a form of meditation and it is a practice. So, every OM is different. There is stillness and excitement and feelings of pleasure, anger, sadness, agitation, and did I say pleasure? OM is a purification process. The practice empties out your thoughts, old stories and conditioning and helps you to release emotions. The practice also fills you up with pleasure, connection and nourishment.

While I was in New York I decided to attend the Intro to OM class again. Probably my 20th time as a student. I entered with Beginner’s Mind as if this is the first time I am hearing the information. I received it personally and as a teacher of Introduction to OM classes where I am co-teaching in Washington, DC. I asked myself questions to set an intention for the day:

What can I learn to deepen my practice?

What can I learn about teaching that will serve the people I am working with?

I saw it in the eyes of the new participants in the circle and I remembered.

*It takes courage to try something new and this practice is changing the way we connect.

*Every time I OM, enter as if it is the first time.

*No goal.

*Focus on connection and sensation.

*Regular consistent practice.

*Breathe

I will be sharing more about Orgasmic Meditation all week. Check out the blogs all week.

(Photo of circle is from a smaller class in San Francisco. Credit Noah Berger for The New York Times)

*****

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that inspires women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Orgasmic Meditation

The Power of Aging: Preparing for the Next Decade

Posted on October 9, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 9 of 100 days of blogging

New York City

October 9, 2015

I had a great birthday yesterday. I mean, really great! Connecting with myself, with people and all on my own terms. I was going to go to a museum in New York City and then the coffee shop in the East Village felt so good and my words were flowing; I stayed in the moment and kept writing. The day ended at a Community Potluck with the surprise of cupcakes and the Happy Birthday song!

Leading up to this birthday was not fun. It actually felt pretty scary and I had a lot of feelings and fears and confusion in the last year. In the past, I have embraced every decade. Turning 40 and 50 was exciting. I have always felt like things were getting better and there was an adventure around every corner. Until this year…

The fears were about turning 60 next year and a fear of dying. My husband, my best girlfriend and a friend’s husband all died at 60. I have had a lot of stories about this new fear. I have let myself the feelings fully and stirred them around to get to the root. The fear is not about the actual dying. I feel like it will be cool to be in another dimension of time. I believe that life goes on. And if for some reason it doesn’t, I have lived a good life and I will return to dust.

The fear is that I will not finish what I came here to do. That I will not finish the journey of becoming the woman I want to become. To leave a new type of role model for my daughters and my granddaughter and the generations of women to come after me. To leave a legacy. I left my first husband after realizing that I was not being the woman I wanted to be for my daughters. That desire has led me to be a warrior with my personal growth. Thirty years of learning and growing and making different choices. Inside of me I have another 49 years of ideas to implement and there are a few more hurdles I want to transmute and alchemize into gold before I leave.

My 59th birthday yesterday was a turning point. A willingness to transform the fears and live fully right now. When my husband turned 59, he already had an aversion to turning “60”. I told him, why don’t we celebrate every month and ring in the next decade?

This week, I decided to take my own advice. I spent the day ringing in the next decade. Everywhere I went, I told people it was my birthday. I received all of the birthday blessings. I spent time alone and I spent time in a community where I can bring all of me.

I am making a note on the calendar each month to spend a day celebrating my life. (In addition to the celebration of every breath) The power is in the simplicity. Celebrate. Be in the present moment. The idea is to pause and do something on that day that fills me up. Welcome in the next frontier. The decade of 60.

It is not the end. It is the beginning.

I am surrendering to life in a deeper way. Every experience has prepared me for this time. In my heart, I feel like I am just getting started. There is a power in aging.

And so it is!

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Andrea Hylen

On Purpose Woman: A Workshop

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 6 of 100 days of blogging

I had an opportunity to lead a workshop at the On Purpose Woman Conference in Columbia, Maryland this past weekend. It was called, “Using the Feelings of Failure As a Tool of Exploration.” It was birthed from a blogpost I wrote in August 2015.

To be totally transparent, I thought there might be 3 women in the Workshop. It was not the bright, shiny, juicy topic of feel good upliftment I like to present at this conference. I also felt like I was still in a current process of feeling this feeling of failure. So, who am I to teach it while living it in the moment?!?

As women began to enter the room, I could feel how wrong I had been about the number of women interested in this topic. The room was packed. We gathered in a close circle with rows around the circle. Failure was the exact feeling that many of us were feeling and I wanted us to feel intimate and cozy. A women’s circle with deep, real conversation. Lean in. Whisper it. Speak it. Heart to heart sharing.

There are many reasons for this feeling of failure or defeat. We have all had losses of jobs, clients, health, homes and loved ones. And we have had successes that have come to completion and we are not sure where we are going next. So, we feel deflated, confused and lost. No matter how many successes we have had there are expectations in our society and culture that tell us we have failed; the internal and the external feelings and reflections. Even our closest friends and family who love us and want the best for us, add to the feeling with questions. “So, what are you going to do now?” My inner voice when I am this place of not knowing is: I DON”T KNOW!!! STOP ASKING ME!!!

I am going to share a little secret with you: I have felt these feelings of failure or uncertainty so many times and I always come out of it brighter and shinier and more excited about life than ever! When I am in it, it feels like I will never get to the other side. Luckily, I have experienced this so many times, I have a big tool kit of resources, support and experiences to stay connected to when I am in this process.

And one more secret: On some level you know what is next, too. It is in your subconscious and is in the process of emerging. The key is allowing yourself to feel the feelings of not knowing in this moment. You need silence and stillness and time to let it bubble up into your consciousness. Your intuition will guide you to the people, resources, classes, business partners, coaches, and new ideas. All of this will arrive one step at a time or in a big rush of ideas.

CAUTION: When you have the big rush of ideas, write them down and let them become grounded. Keep them close to your heart and get to know them before doing anything with them. Be willing to go even deeper and give them time to reorganize into a structure. An hour. A day. A week. A month. You do not need to spin your wheels to make things happen.

This is a rich time to deconstruct your patterns. This is where the power and freedom is hidden. Deconstruct your patterns to release the old and embrace the new.

A few Tips to Navigating during this time:

Give yourself time.

*Walks in Nature.

*Meditation.

*Slow down (even with kids, simplify everything. Go to the playground and spend time emptying your mind or reflecting. Or get up 15 minutes earlier or stay up later just to have some stillness.)

Write down clues and signs.

*What is crossing your path? A friend from high school finds you on Facebook. Someone recommends a book. A film is released and you are curious.

*What lights you up, gets you excited?

*Just write it down and become a detective in your life.

Set Intentions.

*Go to bed with a question on your mind. Keep paper and pen at the side of your bed so you can roll over and write down insights.

*Talk less about your process while you are in it.

*Find a place where you can be messy and release an unorganized, emotional, incomplete process.

Create rituals:

*Write for five minutes a day (at least)

*Morning Pages: Inspiration-The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

*Coloring mandalas or blank paper with crayons, markers, colored pencils.

*Buy some art supplies and play.

Meditate or write at the same time every day.

When you do an activity at the same time every day, it activates something in the brain. With this repetition, there is a time when your ideas flow like turning on a faucet of overflowing visions.

*****

PS: After the 40 minute workshop, a few of the women told me they wanted more information. A workshop. A retreat. Something more. The next day I rode the Megabus from Washington, DC to New York for a week of birthday celebrations. On the bus, I had a flash of ideas and by the time I reached New York, I had the structure of a program I will be teaching in November. A workshop with an on-line group and a Secret Facebook Group.

How to Use Feelings As A Tool of Exploration

This will be for women who know they are pioneers and carving new pathways. It is time!

Thank you Ginny Robertson for inviting me to speak. Thank you to the women who had the courage to come to the workshop and for asking me for more…

I am ready!

To attend the On Purpose Woman conference in the future, get on the mailing list! http://onpurposewomanconference.com/

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Andrea Hylen

On Purpose Woman: Are You A Feminist?

Posted on October 4, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 4 of 100 days of Blogging

At an On Purpose Woman Conference this past weekend in Columbia, Maryland, a panel of women talked about the New Feminism. The panel consisted of six women ages 22-60. From the hour long sharing, it became clear that the new feminism is inclusive of all genders, all cultures, all ages, all humanity. We all want connection and authentic communication. We want to be seen and heard. We all have unique gifts to offer the world. AND New Feminism begins with loving ourselves first and sharing that love with each other and the world.

To attend the conference in the future, get on the mailing list! http://onpurposewomanconference.com/

*****

For more exploration of the topic of Feminism, listen to the 30 minute TEDx Talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:

We Should All Be Feminists:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc

Some of her words:

We must raise our girls and boys differently. Boys are raised to prove their masculinity.

What if we raised boys and girls differently about masculinity and the connection to money?

We teach girls to cater to a man’s ego and the “harder” the man, the more fragile the ego. Girls must not be too smart or a man’s ego will be hurt.

Why should a woman’s success be a threat to a man?

We teach girls shame. Close your legs. Cover yourself. We make them feel as though being born female is something to be ashamed of already. As so, girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves.

They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think.

And they grow up~and this is the worst thing we do to girls~ they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form. (masks, make-believe, pretending we are something or believe something that we don’t)

*****

The time is now. Feminism is not a dirty word. It is Humanity and it is Freedom for All.

“A Feminist is a Man or a Woman who says, Yes, there is a problem with gender today and we must fix it. We must do better.”

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series, Feminist, women

Say YES!: Human Connection

Posted on October 2, 2015 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 2 of 100 Days of Blogging

October 2, 2015

University Park, Maryland

It was one of those days. Weather had turned from 85 degrees Fahrenheit to 65 degrees Fahrenheit overnight. Pouring rain and I had to go out to run a few errands. The slow leak in the front tire of my car was now almost flat. I had dropped my iPhone the day before and the face cracked with exposed wires. The insurance company denied my claim and on top of that I heard a hurricane was on the way. All of this on the day before I was going to an On Purpose Woman Conference in Columbia, Maryland and then on to New York City for a week.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and imagined all of my power coming back to me. I am not a victim. I grabbed the keys and ran through the rain to the car.

First stop: The Tire Place in Hyattsville, Maryland. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, a man came out to greet me, showed me where to park the car and started to take care of the tire. Fifteen minutes later, the tire was plugged and the cost was only $10. Awesome! I am supported by the Universe! YES!

Second stop: Back to the house and walked my friends’ dogs while there was a break in the rain. Be of service. Do something for someone else. Slow down. Work through this day one step at a time. Doggies were so happy. Life is good! YES!

Third stop: The Verizon Store to buy a phone. It is a business tool and I have to take care of this. Sitting in the parking lot, I decided to call the insurance company one more time. Asking one more person why my claim was denied. (What is the purpose of insurance if it won’t pay for an accident with the phone?) It seems there was a record of me filing for a replacement phone in July which was not true. Thirty minutes later, the error was corrected, the fee was paid ($149 vs $600) and the phone will be delivered to me in New York. Thank you God! Back in business. YES!

Last stop: YES! Market. Healthy food and produce. I decide to buy fresh ingredients and cook dinner for my housemate tonight. Slowing down in the check-out line. Noticing. Breathing.

And then the biggest gift of the day arrived. A moment of tender humanity.

I noticed an African American couple running into the store when I first pulled up. Now, I was in the store and I heard sounds that could have been laughter or crying. The woman had her arms wrapped around the man’s shoulders. It felt sweet and tender. As I got closer, I noticed she had tears running down her face. Weaving through the aisles of the store, I passed them several more times. Silent tears on her face. At the check-out, they were right in front of me. Her tears and crying began to build until she ran out of the store, leaving the man at the check-out line. As soon as she left, his stoic face relaxed, his shoulders drooped and his tears began to fall. He placed the food on the check-out line: chicken, mushrooms, broccoli, milk and a six pack of bottled beer. The ingredients for a simple meal. Noticing him brushing away the tears, trying to stop the tears, and putting his hand over his face from time to time, I could feel his grieving heart. Surrounding him energetically with love, I held a space for him to feel what he was feeling without imposing my questions or condolences into his experience. I just witnessed and allowed a private moment in a public space.

When his turn at the check-out finally came, the young East Indian clerk at the check-out gave him his change and said, “I don’t know what is happening to you right now and May God Bless You.” The man nodded and walked out of the store. I looked at the clerk, held eye contact and nodded my head in agreement. This interchange between two men on a rainy day was so filled with sunshine. Heart connections. Beauty

One by one things came together in my day and the best part was feeling this authentic moment and witnessing heart felt caring from one stranger to another.

This is the world I live in.

Real. Connections. Love.

*****

Posted in An Evolutionary Woman's Journey Series

Tell Me a Secret…

Posted on December 20, 2013 by Andrea Hylen Leave a comment

Day 97 of 100 days of Blogging

Last spring, I was with a group of 100 people at a social event at the Hotel W in Hollywood. After everyone arrived, we broke into small groups of five and went out into the streets of Hollywood with a scavenger list of activities.

One of the “tasks” was to ask three people to tell you a secret. It was fun to see the different reactions on each person’s face from excitement to confusion as they shared a variety of secrets.

I approached a man, who looked like he was in his 30’s, standing in line to get into a club and asked him the question: Tell me a secret.

He looked around at the other people and looked at me asking if I was serious. I shared the details of our group activity and asked him again to Tell me a Secret.

He paused for a moment and then leaned towards my ear as he whispered, “I do yoga.” I was confused. “Is that a secret?” I asked him. He looked around to see if anyone was listening. “Yes. My friends would make fun of me, if they knew.” It really hit me in that moment how much we hide from each other and how it actually disconnects us from ourselves.

How many of us have secrets that we think we can’t share with the people who are closest to us? And what does that do to hold us back from speaking our deepest desires and connecting with each other. How does that stop us from living our fullest expression.

Today! Let’s connect!

In the comments section, post a secret desire.

Let’s see and feel each other.

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, a Writing and Transition Coach, Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and co- author of Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Andrea has discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to celebrate life after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. She currently lives in Los Angeles following the inspiration to collaborate with women in organizations and to travel around the world speaking and leading workshops. Her passion is connecting women to support each other in the full expression of who they are.

Posted in Connecction